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Given in memory of 

MARGIT H. MEYER 

by her father 

Dr. E. R. Meyer 

Rochester, New York 



% 



K /- 



TIM BOBBIN'S 
LANCASHIRE DIALECT; 



POEMS. 



fiJ$*f */(?£, 



asiiidfr— 



PLATES BY G. CRUIKSHANK. 



RENDERED INTELLIGIBLE TO GENERAL READERS BY A LITERAL 

INTERPRETATION, AND THE OBSOLETE WORDS EXPLAINED 

BY QUOTATIONS FROM THE MOST EARLY OF 

THE ENGLISH AUTHORS. 



LONDON : 
HURST, CHANCE, AND CO. 

65, st. Paul's churchyard. 
1828. 



\ 



\ 



PK 33^/9 



. M-/m*r 




L O N D O 



pi^inVed by c. i?oworth;hii&\l yard, 

MAY E ^ L « B 1984 






* 



INTRODUCTION. 



The two County Palatines of Lancaster 
and Chester being, from a remote period, 
separate jurisdictions from the remaining 
counties, as " Principalities in them- 
selves," a pride of such distinction has 
induced the inhabitants to keep, also, 
within themselves ; not even mixing in 
marriage with those of other districts ; as 
the old Cheshire adage evinces, " it is better 
to marry over the mixen (within their own 
immediate precincts) than over the moor/' 
— that is, your neighbour's daughter ra- 
ther than a stranger : so that the manners, 



V> 






IV INTRODUCTION. 

customs, and old English language in these 
counties, have experienced less changes 
and innovations than in most other parts 
of England. 

Having had occasion, in the course 
of interpreting the following pages, to 
refer to the ancient English composi- 
tions, such as Chaucer, Wicliffe, other 
poets, historians, &c, I have been led 
almost to conclude that the present 
" Lancashire Dialect" was the univer- 
sal language of the earliest days of Eng- 
land ; and has induced me to select in- 
stances from such authors, (to confirm, in 
some measure, that opinion,) down to the 
days of Dryden ; preserving an alphabet- 
ical arrangement, by the way of reference 
to the passages in the Dialect, wherever 
an authority could be obtained. 



INTRODUCTION. V 

To those who could understand the 
idiom of this composition, its genuine 
humour and drollery have afforded much 
amusement ; and many have regretted 
they could not enter into the spirit of the 
work for want of such " humble know- 
ledge ;" — to supply this the present work is 
undertaken. But even this translation, like 
all others, must fall far short of the ori- 
ginal ; yet, if the " march of intellect" 
keeps its pace, the present work may 
prove an useful document to perpetuate 
the genuine English Provincial Dialect. 



( vii ) 



In Aikin's History of Manchester a short Biogra- 
phical Sketch is given of the Author of this work ; 
but neither when he was born, nor when he died, 
and leaving doubtful the place of his birth — War- 
rington and Mottram, in Lancashire, contending 
for that distinction : but in referring to an edition 
of his works and correspondence, published at 
Rochdale, in 1819, I find he was born Decem- 
ber, 16, 1708. 

His father, Mr. Collier, being a clergyman, 
gave him an education which enabled him to 
leave the loom, with which he was disgusted, and 
follow the profession of a schoolmaster, in a small 
establishment at Rochdale, in his own County. 
Mr. John Collier, alias Tim Bobbin, by which 
appellation he is much better known, possessed a 
versatility of talent which seldom centres in one 
individual, being a humourous poet, an excellent 
caricaturist, both of which his publications show, 
a painter, a scientific musician, and his pencil, 
his brush, and his pen, made his name and fame 



( viii ) 

resound at home and through the adjoining dis- 
tricts of York and Chester. We are given to 
understand he died at the advanced age of near 
eighty years, July, 14, 1786 ; and his mental 
powers, conviviality, and humour, for which he 
was much esteemed, were his good companions to 
the last. 



LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 



VILLAGE EVENTS. 



SCENE L 
First coming into Life. 



Enter Tummus and Meary. 

Turn. Odds me, Meary ! whooa the dickons 
wou'd o thowt o' leeting o thee here so soyne this 
morning ? Where has to bin ? Theaw'rt aw on 
a swat, I think ; for theaw looks primely. 

Mea. Beleemy Tummus, I welly lost my wynt; 
for I've had sitch o'traunce this morning as eh 
neer had e'meh live : for I went to Jone's o'Harry's 
o'lung Jone's, for't borrow their thible, to stur th' 
furmetry weh, an his wife had lent it to Bet o'my 
gronny's: so I skeawrt eend-wey, an' when eh 
coom there, hoo'd lent it Kester o'Dick's, an the 
dule steawnd 'im for a brindl't cur, he'd mede it 
int' shoon pegs ! Neaw wou'd naw sitch o moon- 
shine traunce potter any body's plucks ? 



VILLAGE EVENTS. 



SCENE L 
First coming into Life. 



Enter Thomas and Mary. 

Tho. Bless me! Mary, who the deuce would 
have thought of finding thee here so soon this 
morning? where hast thou been? — thou art all in 
a sweat I think, for thou looks primely. 

Mary. Believe me, Thomas, I have nearly lost 
my wind ; for I have had such a run this morning, as 
I never had in my life : for I went to John Harris, 
at Long Jones's, for to borrow their staff, to stir 
the furmety with, and his wife had lent it to Bet at 
my grandmother's : so I went straight forward, and 
when I came there, she had lent it to Dick the 
Cobler ; and the devil take him for an ill-natured 
cur, he had made it into shoe-pegs ! Now, would 
not such a moonshine tramp bother any body's wits? 

b2 



* THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

Turn. Mark whot e tell the Meary ; for I think 
lunger ot fok liv'n an'th' moor mischoances they 
han. 

Mea. Not awlus o goddil. — But whot meys o't 
'sowgh, on seem so dane-kest ? For I con tell o' 
I'd fene see o'wick an hearty. 

Turn. Whick an hearty too ! oddzo, but I con 
tell the whot, its moor in bargin ot Im oather wick 
or hearty, for 'twur seign peawnd t'a tuppunny 
jannock, I'd bin os deeod os o dur nele be this 
awer ; for th' last oandurth boh one me measter 
had lik't o killt meh: on just neaw, os shure os 
thee and me ar stonning here, I'm actilly running 
meh country. 

Meet. Why, whot's bin th' matter, hanney fawn 
eawt withur measter? 

Turn. Whot ! there's bin moort' do in a gonnort 
muck, I'll uphowd tey! — For whot dust think? 
bo'th' tother day boh yusterday, huz lads moot'n 
ha' o bit on o hallidey, (becose it wurth' Circum- 
cision onner Ledey I believe,) yet we munt do some 
odds-on-eends ; on I munt oather breeod mowdy- 
warp-holes or gut' Ratchdaw weh o keaw on o 
why-kawve— neaw, loothy Meary, I'r lither; on 
had o mind on o jawnt: so I donn'd meh sundey 
jump o top o meh singlet, on wou'd goa with keaw 



THE INTERPRETATION. 5 

Tho. Mark what I tell thee, Mary; for I think 
the longer that folks live, the more mischances 
they have. 

Mary. Not always, God willing. — But what 
makes thee sigh so, and seem so downcast? For 
I can tell you, I would fain see you alive and 
hearty too. 

Tho. Alive and hearty too! oddzooks, but I 
can tell thee what, it's more than the bargain I am 
either alive or hearty, for it was seven pound to a 
two-penny loaf, I'd been as dead as a door nail by 
this hour ; for the last evening but one, my master 
had like to have killed me; and just now, as thou 
art standing there, I'm actually running my country ! 

Mary. What's been the matter, hast thou fallen 
out with thy master? 

Tho. What ! why there's been more to do in a 
gander's dung, I'll assure thee! For what dost 
think? — but the other day but yesterday, we lads 
might have a bit of a holyday, (because it was the 
Circumcision of our Lady, I believe,) yet we must 
do some odds-and-ends; and I must either spread 
in the fields mole-hillocks, or go to Rochdale with 
a cow and a sucking calf — now, lookye, Mary, I 
was idle and I had a mind of a jaunt: so I put 
my Sunday coat over my woollen waistcoat, and 



O THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

on th' kawve; and the dule tey aw bad luck far 
me, far eawer bitch Nip went wimmey, on that 
mede ill wurr. 

Mea. I connaw gawm heaw that coud mey ill 
luck, Tummus. 

Turn. Now, nor no mon elze till they known ; 
boh here's a fine droy canking pleck under this 
thurn, let's keawer us deawn oth yeoarth o bit, on 
I'll tell the aw heaw't wur. 

Mea. Weh aw meh heart, for meh deme's gon 
fro whoam, on hoo'll naw cum ogen till bagging- 
time. 

Turn. Whau, os X'r telling the, I'd gut' Ratch- 
daw: So I geet up be strike o dey, on seet eawt; 
on went ogreath tilly welly coom within a mile oth 
teawn; when os the dule woud height, o tit wur 
stonning ot an eleheawse dur ; on me kawve (the 
dule bore eawt it een for meh) took th' tit for it 
mother, on would need seawk her: on I believe 
th' foolish tooad of a tit took th' kawve far hur 
cowt, hoo whinnit so when hoo saigh it; boh wen 
hoo feld it seawke, hoo up with 'ur hough on kilt 
meh kawve os deeod os o nit ! 

Mea. E Lord ; — whot o trick wur that ! 

Turn. Trick ! odds flesh, sitch o trick wur newer 
plede eh Englondshiar. 



THE INTERPRETATION. 7 

would go with the cow and the calf; and the 
deuce take all bad luck for me, for our bitch, Nip, 
went with me, and that made ill worse. 

Mary. I cannot guess how that could make ill 
luck, Thomas. 

Tho. No, nor any man else, 'till they know- 
but here's a fine dry resting-place under this thorn; 
let us sit down on the earth a bit, and I'll tell thee 
all about it. 

Mary. With all my heart ; for my mistress is 
gone from home, and she'll not come again 'till 
baiting time. 

Tho. Well, as I was telling thee, I'd go to 
Rochdale: so I got up by strike of day, and set 
out ; and went well till I came within a mile of the 
town ; when, as if the devil would have it, a mare 
was standing at the ale-house door; and my calf 
(the devil bore out its eyes for me) took the mare 
for its mother, and would needs suck her ! and I 
believe the foolish toad of a tit, took the calf for 
her colt, she neighed so when she saw it; but 
when she felt it suck, she up with her hoof, and 
killed my calf as dead as a nit ! 

Mary. Ey Lord ; — what a trick was that ! 

Tho. Trick! oddsflesh, such a trick was never 
played in Englandshire ! 



8 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

Mea. Why hark ye, Tummus, whot cudney doo 
weet ? yoad'n be quite broken ! 

Turn. Doo ! what cou'd eh do ? 'sflesh in't had 
bin kilt greadly, twou'd ha bin os good veeol os 
e'er deed on a thwittle ; for me measter mood ha 
had seignteen shillings on susepence fort th' yean- 
durth ofore. 

Mea. On didney leeof it ith' lone ? 

Tom. Ne Meary; I'r naw sitch a gawby os tat 
coom too noather: for as luck wou'd height, o 
butcher wur ith' elehouse, on he coom eawt when 
he heard meh kawve bah. Boh estid o being 
sooary, when he saigh it sprawling oth yeorth, th' 
fly 'ring karron seet up o gurd o leawghing, on 
cou'd for shawm tell meh he'd berry it meh for a 
pint o ele. 

Mea. Whau, that wur pratty cheap ; for Dicky 
o'Will's o'Jone's o'Sam's towd me, at he berrit 
o chilt tother dey ot Ratchdaw, on he pede Jo. 
Green o groat for a greave no bigger in o phip- 
punny trunk. 

Tom. Whau, that moot be : but I'd naw geet 
im: for I borrot a shoo orv wou'd berrit meh seln; 
I'r thrunk shoaving it in when a thowt coom int' 
meh noddle, ot th' hoyde cou'd be no war; so I'd 
flee it; but the dule o thwittle wurt' be leet on 



THE INTERPRETATION. V 

Mary. Why hark ye, Thomas, what could you 
do with it? you'd be quite broken! 

Tho. Do! what could I do? 'sflesh ! had it been 
killed kindly, twould have been as good veal as 
ever died under a butcher's knife ; for my master 
might have had seventeen shillings and sixpence 
for it the morning before. 

Mary. And did you leave it in the lane ? 

Tho. No Mary; I am not such a fool as that 
comes to neither: for as luck would have it, a 
butcher was in the alehouse, and he came out 
when he heard my calf bleat. But instead of be- 
ing sorry, when he saw it sprawling on the earth, 
the fleering fellow set up a burst of laughing, 
and could for shame tell me he'd bury it for a pint 
of ale. 

Mary. Why, that was pretty cheap ; for Dicky 
o'Will's o'Jone's o'Sam's told me, that he buried 
a child the other day at Rochdale, and he paid 
Joe Green, (the sexton,) a groat for a grave no 
bigger than a fivepenny trunk. 

Tho. Well, that might be : but I'd not give it 
him : for I borrowed a shovel and would bury it 
myself; I was just shoving it in, when a thought 
came into my noddle, that the hide could be no 
worse, so I'd flee it ; but the deuce a knife could 



10 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

bo'th' butcher's, on the spoytfoo tike wou'd naw 
leeond it me: neaw, Meary, what cou'd onny 
mon doo? 

Mea. Doo ! I'st o gon stark woode. 

Turn. I believe ot wou'd, or onney mon elze; 
boh that wou'd doo nowt eh my kese : so I bargint 
with th' rascot; he'ur to tyth' hoyde grooing toth' 
carcuss, on geh meh throtteen pence : so I geet th' 
brass, on went endway with keaw. 

Mea. Neaw meh mind misgives meh ot yooar'n 
gooing a sleeveless arnt; on at felly wou'd naw 
tak'th kah bateth' kawve. 

Turn. Uddzo, Meary ! theaw geawses within two 
tumbles of a leawse ; for it wur lung, on lunger, 
ofore eh wou'd : boh when I towd him heawt wur 
knock oth sow with a tit coak'n os he coom, on 
that he moot order weh meh Measter obeawt it, 
he took her ot lunglength : then I went .on bowt 
two peawnd o sawt, on on eawnce of black pepper 
for eawr fok, on went toart whoam ogen. 

Mea. With o fearfoo heyvy heart I'll up- 
howd'o. 

Turn. Eigh, eigh, that's true— boh whottle to 
sey when ot eh tell the he ne'er berrit kawve ! boh 



THE INTERPRETATION. 1 1 

be lighted on but the butcher's, and the spiteful 
tike would nt lend it me ! now, Mary, what could 
any man do? 

Mary. Do! I'd have gone stark mad. 

Tho. (solemnly.) I believe you would, or any 
man else ; but that would do nothing in my case : 
so I bargained with the rascal; he was to take the 
hide growing to the carcase, and give me thirteen- 
pence : so I got the brass, and went away with 
the cow. 

Mary. Now my mind misgives me that you're 
going a sleeveless errand; and that the fellow 
would not take the cow without the calf. 

Tho. Adzooks, Mary, thou guesses within two 
tumbles of a louse ; for it was long and longer be- 
fore he would : but w r hen I told him how it was 
knocked in the head with a tit's shoe as I came, 
and that he might order with my master about it, 
he took her at long-length : then I went and bought 
two pounds of salt and an ounce of black pepper 
for our folks, and went towards home again. 

Mary. With a fearful heavy heart I'll uphold 
you. 

Tho. Aye, aye, that's true — but what will you 
say when I tell you he never buried the calf! but 



12 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

sowd it et Owdum that oandurth, for two pence 
haw penny o peawnd ! 

Mea. Sey ! why be meh troth it wur fere cheeot- 
ing; but it's meet like their rascotly tricks; for 
there's not an honest booan ith' hoyde o newer o 
greasy tyke on urn aw. 

Turn. Indeed Meary, I'm eh thy mind ; for it 
wur reet rank ; boh I think eh meh guts ot rascots 
ith' ward ar os thick as wasps in o hummo-bee- 
neest. 



THE INTERPRETATION. 13 

sold her at Oldham that morning, for twopence 
halfpenny a pound ! 

Mary. Say! why by my troth it was fair cheat- 
ing; but it's just like their rascally tricks; for 
there's not an honest bone in the hide of never a 
greasy tike in 'em all. 

Tko. Indeed Mary, I am of thy mind ; for it 
was right wrong; but I think in my guts, that 
rascals in the world are as thick as wasps in a 
humble-bee's nest. 



( 14 ) 



SCENE II. 
How to catch an Owl. 

Tummus and Meary. 

Mea. Its not tell, buh I'st marvil straungely an 
yo leet on a wur kneave in this. 

Turn. Alack o dey ! theaw knows boh little oth 
matter, boh theawst hear : I'd naw gett'n fomid, 
back ogen, oboon a mile or so, ofore eh saigh o 
parcel o lads on hobbletyhoys, as thrunk as 
Thrap-wife: when ot he geet too um, I coud 
naw gawm what tearn obeawt ; for two on um 
carrit o steeigh o ther shilders, onother had o rid- 
dle in his hont, on Hal o'NaUs ith' Midge lone 
had his knockus lapt in his barmskin : awth' rest 
on um had hoyts, or lung kibhoes, like swinging 
sticks or raddlings. 

Mea. Ith' neme o Katty, whot wur'n the for ? 

Turn. Nowt ots awt, theaw mey be sure, if 
that hawmpoing tyke Hal wus weh um: neaw 
theaw r mun know, ot one neet last shearing-time, 



( is ) 



SCENE II. 
How to catch an OwL 



Thomas and Mary. 

Mary. I cannot tell, but I marvel strangely 
that you'll meet with a worse knave than this. 

Tlw. Alack-a-day ! thou knows but little of the 
matter, but thou'lst hear: I had gotten forward 
above a mile or so, before I saw a parcel of lads, 
or hobbledehoys, as thick as " Thrap's wife;" when 
that I got to them, I could not guess what they 
were about, for two of them carried a ladder on 
their shoulders, another had a riddle in his hand, 
and Hal at Nab's in the Midge Lane had his 
hands lapt in his apron ; all the rest of 'em had 
sticks or long poles, like swinging sticks or rods. 

Mary. In the name of Katty, what were that 
for? 

TJw. Nought that's good, thou may'st be sure, 
if that hampering lad Hal was with 'em. Now 
thou must know, that one night last sheering time, 



16 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

when Jone's d Harry s geete thear churn, this 
seme scap-gallows wur tean eh ther pleawmtree ; 
on wur en sitch o flunter eh getting deawn ogen, 
ot he fell, on broke th' collar-boan on his leg. 

Mea. O wrang joyrthongim: I know him weel 
enough, for th' last great snow he'ur for honging 
o hare e some hure gillers ; on throttle eaw'r poor 
Teawzer in o clewkin-grin. 

Turn. The varra seme ; so I asht him what team 
far ? Why, sed he, ween meet neaw seen on ewl 
fly thro' yon leawp-hoyl into th' leath, on we'er 
gooing tey hur : come Turn, sed he, egad, iftle 
geaw with us, theawst see sitch gam os tha newer 
saigh eh the live : beside theawst howd th' riddle. 
— Sed I, I know naw whot to meeons be howd- 
ingth' riddle, boh I'll geaw we aw meh heart intle 
teytch meh. — I con show the in a crack, sed he. 
— So owey we went, on begun o cromming oth 
leawp-hoyles, on th' slifters ith leath woughs full 
o awts ; then we reeart th' steeigh sawfly ogen th' 
wough under th' eawl hoyle. Neaw lads, sed 
Hal, mind yer hits: I'll lap meh honds eh meh 
barmskin ot hoo cannow scrat meh when ot eh 
tak' ur ith' hoyle : Turn o William's mun clime 
th' steeigh, thrutch'd th' strey eawt oth' leawp 
hoyle, on howd the riddle cloyse on't. Awth' 



THE INTERPRETATION/ 17 

when John at Harry's got their churn, this same 
scape-gallows was taken in their plumb-tree, and 
was in such a fluster in getting down again, that 
he fell, and broke the collar-bone of his leg ! 

Mary. A wrong joint, hang him: I know him 
well enough, for the last great snow he was for 
hanging a hare in some hair-gillers, and throttled 
our poor Towzer in a worsted gin, 

Tho. The very same ; so I asked him what they 
were about ? Why, said he, we've just now seen 
an owl fly through the loophole into the barn, and 
we are going to take her: come Tom, said he, 
egad, if thou'lt go with us, thou'lt see such fun as 
thou never saw in thy life : besides, thou'lt hold 
the riddle. — Said I, I know not what thou means 
by "holding the riddle," but I'll go with thee with 
all my heart, if thou'lt teach me. — I can show 
thee in a crack, said he. So away we went, and 
began a cramming of the loopholes and crevices 
in the barn full of straw ; then we reared the lad- 
der softly against the wall, under the owl-hole. 
Now lads, said Hal, mind your hits: I'll wrap 
my hands in my apron, that she cannot scratch 
me, when that I take her in the hole : Tom Wil- 
liams must climb the ladder, and push the straw 
out of the loophole, and hold the riddle close upon 

c 



18 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

rest mun be powlerers, on flay hur into't. — So 
owey they seete into th' leath, on toynt dur ; on 
I— 

Mea. Why neaw, I'll be far, if I'd naw rether 
ha seent in o puppy-show. 

Turn. Good lorjus, Meary ! theawrt so heasty ; 
so I clum th' steeigh in o snift, shoavt th' awts 
eawt, on smakt me riddle oth' hoyle : I'd no 
soyner done sooa, but I heard one on um sey — 
see o, see o, hoos teear ! Shu, sed one ; shu, sed 
another.- — Then they aw begun o hallowing on 
whooping like hey-go-mad. I thowt it wer rear'st 
spooart ot ewer mortal mon saigh: so I gran, 
on I thrutcht, till meh arms wartcht ogen; still 
they kept shuing, on powlering ith leath ; on then 
I thowt I felt summot nudge th' steeigh — I lookt 
deawn, an there were an owd soo bizzy scratting 

hur o one o'th' strines.— 'Sflesh, thinks 1 1' 

meh seln, hool ha me deawn eend neaw: — just 
then I thowt I heard th' eawl come into the hoyle ; 
on presently summot come with a greyt flusk thro' 
th' riddle. 

Mea. Odds mine ! on didney let hur gooa, or 
yo took'n hur ? 

Turn. Took'n hur ! ney Meary ; on eawl's naw 
so sooyne tean : boh I con heardly tell the, I'm 



THE INTERPRETATION. 19 

it. All the rest must be pollerers, and frighten 
her into it. — So away they set into the barn; and 
shut the door, and I — 

Mary. Why now, I'll be far enough, if I'd not 
rather have seen it than a puppet-show! 

Tko. Good gracious, Mary ! thou'rt so hasty : 
so I climbed the ladder in a moment, and smacked 
the riddle on the hole : I'd no sooner done so, but 
I heard one of them say — see her, see her, she's 
there! Hush! said one; shu! said another. — - 
Then they all began a hallooing and whooping, 
like all going mad. I thought it was the rarest 
sport that ever mortal man saw : so I grinned, and 
I pushed till my arms ached again; still they kept 
shouting and pollering in the barn; and then I 
thought I felt something push at the ladder — I 
looked down, and there was an old sow busy 
scratching herself against one of the sides. 'Sflesh! 
thinks I to myself, she'll have me down e'en now : 
— just then, I thought I heard the owl come into 
the hole; and presently something came with a 
great rush through the riddle. 

Mary. Dear me! and did you let her go, or 
you took her? 

Tho. Took her! nay, Mary, an owl is not so 
soon taken : but I can hardly tell thee, I'm so 

c2 



20 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

so waughish — for I'm ready 't cowk'n with th' 
thowts ont ; — there wur non t' tey, Meary. 

Mea. What, no eawl ? 

Turn. Now, now — not teear ; it wus nowt oth' 
warld o God boh arron owd lant ot teyd'n mede 
war weh loasing ther breeches in't : on that 
hodge-podge coom eh me fease w r eh sitch o bor, 
ot o sumheaw it mede meh meazy, on I feel off 
th' steeigh: boh moor be choance thin onney 
good luck, I leet disactly oth' soo wey sitch o 
soltch, ot I think eh meh guts ot hoor booath wur 
flay'd on hurt in I wur. 

Mea. E lord ! whot o wofoo faw had'n yo ! 

Turn. Eigh, faw eigh; for I thowt I'd brok'n 

th' crupper-booan o meh , boh it wur better 

in lickly; for I'd naw hurt boh th' tone theawm 
stunnisht, on th' skin bruzz'd off th' whirlbooan 
o meh knee, ot mede meh t'hawmpoo o bit. 

Mea. Awt upon um, whot unmannerly powse- 
ments ! I'st o bin stark-giddy at um, on ha raddlt 
ther booans. 

Turn. I'r os woode os teaw cou'd be, or onny 
mon elze, boh theaw knows ev'ry mon's not a 
witch : heaweer I hawmpo't rawnd th' leath fort' 
snap some oth' bulloking basturts ; boh none 
cou'd eh leet on, for they'rn aw cropp'n into th' 



THE INTERPRETATION. 21 

faintish — for I'm ready to be sick with the 
thoughts of it — there were none to take, Mary ! 

Mary. What ! no owl ? 

Tko. No ! no ! not there; it was nothing in the 
world of God but arrant old lant, which they had 
made warm with opening their breeches into it, 
and that hodge-podge came in my face with such 
a force, that somehow it made me mazy, and I 
fell off the ladder : but, more by chance than any 
good luck, I lighted exactly on the sow, with such 
a thwack, that I think in my guts she was worse 
frightened and hurt than I was. 

Mary. Eh Lord ! what a woeful fall had you ! 

Tko. Ay! fall! ay! for I thought I'd broken 
the crupper-bone of my bottom ; but it was better 
than I expected, for I'd no hurt but one thumb 
sprained and the skin bruised of the round bone 
of my knee, that made me limp a bit. 

Mary. Out upon them ! what unmannerly 
rubbish! I should have been stark mad at 
them, and have thrashed their bones. 

Tko. I was as mad as thou could be, or any 
man else, but thou knows every man is not a 
witch : but however I limped round the barn, for 
to catch some of the blackguard bastards; but 
none could I fall on, for they were all crept into the 



22 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

leath ; on th' durs os sefe os Beesfn castle : boh 
they med'n me't hear um efeath ; far thear'n aw 
wherrying on leawghing, whooping on sheawting, 
like maddlocks ot ther new tean eawl, os teh 
cawd'n meh : wuns, Meary ! in I'd had foyar I'st 
o set th' how leath on o haliblash in I'd deed for't; 
boh then th' soo kept sitch o skrikeing reeking 
din, os if hur back wur eteaw eh two spots, ot I 
durst stey no lunger for fear o sumbody cumming, 
on meying me necessary too hur deeoth : so I 
scamspoot owey as hard os eh cou'd pinn, on ran 
o mile eh that pickle ofore eh ga one glent be- 
hund meh : then I leep o'er o ryz'n hedge, on os 

rindle o wetur wur wheem, I washt aw meh 
clooas, till it coom to meh hure : on aw little 
enough too ; for I think eh meh guts I'st stink like 
a foomurt while meh neme's Turn. 

Mea. Neaw een be meh troath! I thowt ye 
savort'n feearfoo strung on o yarb : boh when aw's 
done, Tummus, this killing o'th kawve, on eawl- 
catching, wur non awlung o Nip. 

Turn. Odds heart, howd teh tung, Meary; far 

1 oather angurt some he witch, or the dule threw 
his club o'er meh that morning when eh geete up : 
far misfartins coom on me os thick os leet. 



THE INTERPRETATION. 23 

barn, and the door as fast as "Beeston castle:"* but 
they made me hear 'em i'faith, for they were all re- 
joicing and laughing; whooping and shouting like 
mad folks, at their new-taken owl, as they called 
me! — Zounds, Mary, had I had fire, I'd have set 
the barn in a blaze, if I'd died for it; but then the 
sow kept such a shrieking, squealing noise, as if 
her back was in two pieces, that I durst stay no 
longer, for fear of somebody coming, and making 
me accessary to her death; so I scampered away, 
as hard as I could run, a mile in that pickle before 
I got one look behind me ; then I leaped over a 
rising hedge, and as a gutter of water was near, I 
washed all my clothes, till it came to my hair; and 
all little enough too, for I think in my heart I shall 
stink like a polecat whilst my name's Tom ! 

Mary. Now, even by my troth! I thought thou 
savoured fearful strong ot an herb : but when all's 
done, Thomas, this killing of the calf and owl- 
catching was not all along of Nip ? 

Tho. Dear heart, hold thy tongue, Mary ; fori 
had vexed either some he-witch, or the devil threw 
his club over me that morning when I got up, for 
misfortunes came on me as thick as lightning. 

* On an elevated rock near Chester. 



( 24 ) 



SCENE III. 

April FooL 

Tummus and Meary. 

Mea. Uddzlud ! non thro' Nip, o Goddil ! 

Turn. Thro' Nip, yigh thro' Nip : on I wud hur 
neek had bin brock'n eh neen spots, wheen hoo'r 
whelpt far mee, (God fargi' meh ; th' deawmp 
cretur does no hurt, noather,) far I'd naw greadly 
washt on fettl't meh, on lipp'n into th' lone ogen, 
boh I met a fattish dowing felly in o blackish 
wigg; on he stoode on glooart ot Nip: ko he, 
onnest mon, wilt sell the dog ? Sed I, meh dog's 
o bitch, on so's ne'er o dog ith' teawn : for be meh 
troath, Meary, I'r os cross os of — t. 

Mea. Odd, boh yoarn bobbersome, on awnsurt 
him awvishly too-to. 

Turn. Well, boh dog or bitch, sedt' felly, if 
I'd known on hur three deys sin, I'd o gen the 
twenty shilling far hur, for I see hoos o reet 
stawnch bandy hewit; on there's o gentlemon ot 



( 25 ) 



SCENE III. 
The First of April. 

Thomas and Mary, 

Mary. Odsblood ! not through Nip, egad ! 

Tho. Through Nip ! — ay, through Nip : and I 
would her neck had been broken in nine places 
when she was whelped for me, (God forgive me, 
the dumb creature does not hurt neither,) for I 
had not decently washed and dressed, and limped 
into the lane again, but I met a fattish-looking 
fellow in a blackish wig ; and he stood and stared 
at Nip : quoth he, honest man, wilt thou sell thy 
dog ? Said I, my dog's a bitch, and so is never a 
dog in the town : for by my troth, Mary, I was as 
cross as two sticks. 

Mary. Egad, but you were bobbersome, and 
answered roughly too much. 

Tho. But dog or bitch, said the fellow, if I 
had known of her three days since, I'd have got 
thee twenty shillings for her, for I see she's a right 



26 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

wooans abeawt three mile off, ot wants one meet 
neaw. Neaw, Meary, to tell the true, I'd o mind 
t' cheeot (God forgi' meh) on sell im meh sheep- 
cur for o bandyhewit; tho, I no moor knew in th' 
mon ith moon whot a bandyhewit wur. # Whaw, 
sed I, hoose primely bred; for hur moother coom 
fro Lunnun, tho' hoor whelpt ot meh master's ; on 
tho' hoos os good os onny eh Englandshiar, I'll 
sell hur if meh price come. 

Mea. Well done Tummus! whot sed eh then? 

Turn. Wau, ko he, whot dust ax for hur? Hoos 
worth a ginny on o hawve o gowd, sed I ; boh o 
ginny I'll ha far hur: ko he, I gen o ginny far 
mine, on I'd rether ha thine be o creawn ; boh iftle 
gooa to justice — justice hum — le me see. — But I 
freat'n heaw he het (boh o greyte matter on im, 
far I think he's piece on o rascot, as weel ost rest) 
he'll be fene o'th' bargin. 

Mea. That wur clever, too-to; wur it naw? 

Turn. Yigh, meeterly. Then I asht im whot 
wey he munt gooa? On he towd meh: on o wey 
I seete, weh meh heart as leet os o bit on o flaight; 

* A pass-name for a dog, when sport is to be made with 
his master on April-fools-day, &c. 



THE INTERPRETATION. 27 

staunch bandyhewit, and there's a gentleman that 
lives about three miles off, that wants one just now. 
Now Mary, to tell the truth, I'd a mind to cheat 
(God forgive me !) and sell him my sheep-cur for 
a bandyhewit; though I no more knew than the 
man in the moon what a bandyhewit was. # Why, 
said I, she's primely bred, for her mother came 
from London, though she was whelpt at my mas- 
ter's ; and though she's as good as any in England- 
shire, I'll sell her if my price comes. 

Mary. Well done Thomas! what said he then? 

Tho. Why, quoth he, what dost ask for her ? 
She's worth a guinea and a half in gold, said I; 
but a guinea I'll have for her : quoth he, I gave a 
guinea for mine, but I would rather have thine by 
a crown ; but if thoul't go to the justice — justice 
hum — let me see. — But I forget how he's named 
(but a great matter on him, for I think he's a piece 
of a rascal as well as the rest) he'll be glad of the 
bargain. 

Mary. That was clever indeed; was it not? 

Tho. Ay, middling. Then I asked him what 
way I must go? And he told me; and away I set 
with my heart as light as a feather ; and carried Nip 

* A name given to any dog in Lancashire, when persons 
intend *to make sport with his master, vide Glossary. 



28 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT, 

on carrit Nip under meh arm; for neaw theaw 
mun understand I'r feear o loysing hur; ne'er 
deawting I cou'd be roytch enough t' pay meh 
master for th' kawve, an ha summot t' spere. 

Mea. Odds-fish! boh that wur breve; yoarn 
eh no ill kele neaw, Tummus. 

Turn. Whau, boh theawst hear : it wur o dree 
wey too-to ; heawe'er I geete there by three o'clock ; 
on ofore eh opp'nt dur, I covert Nip with th* 
cleawt ot eh droy me nese weh, t' let him see heaw 
I stooart hur. Then I opp'nt dur; on who te 
dule dust think, boh three little tyney bandyhewits, 
os I thowt then, coom weawghing os if th' little 
rott'ns wou'd ha worrit meh, on after that swollut 
meh whick. Then there coom o fine freshcullert 
wommon ot keckt as stiff as if hood swallut a 
poker, on I took hur for o hoor justice, hoor so 
meety fine : for I heard Rotchet o' Jack's o 9 Yems 
tell meh measter, that th' hoo justices awlus did 
mooast o'th' wark. Heawe'er, I axt hur if Mr. 
Justice wur o whoam ; hoo cou'd naw opp'n hur 
meawth t' sey eigh, or now; boh simpurt on sed 
iss, (the dickons iss'ur, on him too.) Sed I, I 
wudidd'n tell him I'd fene speyk too 'im. 

Mea. Odd, boh yoar'n bowd; I'st o bin tim- 
mersome: — but let's know heaw ye went'n on. 




W~ c^^ £4 * 



THE INTERPRETATION. 29 

under my arm; for now thou must understand I 
was afraid of losing her, ne'er doubting but I 
should be rich enough to pay my master for the 
calf, and have somewhat to spare. 

Mary. Odds-fish! but that was brave ; you are 
in no ill luck now Thomas. 

Tho. But thou'lst hear: it was a weary way to 
it; however I got there by three o'clock; and 
before I opened the door I covered Nip with the 
rag I dry my nose with, to let him see how I stored 
her. Then I opened the door, and what the deuce 
do'st think, but three little tiny bandyhewits, as I 
thought them, came barking as if the little stinkers 
would have worried me, and after that swallowed 
me alive. Then there came a fine fresh-coloured 
woman as stood as stiff as if she'd swallowed a 
poker, and I took her for the she-justice, she was 
so mighty fine ; for I heard Roger Jackson tell my 
master, that the she-justices always did most of 
the work. However, I ask'd her if Mr. Justice 
was at home ; she could not open her mouth to 
say aye or no, but simpered and said, Yes! (the 
dickens yes her, and him too.) Said I, I would 
you to tell him I would fain speak to him. 

Mary. Egad, but you was bold ; I should have 
been timorous; but let's know how you went on. 



30 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

Turn. Whau, weell enough, for theaw mey nip 
on cheeot os ill os one other clarks, on they'n naw 
meddle with the ; boh theaw munnaw frump, nor 
teeos urn, for they hat'n to be vext. 

Mea. Boh heaw went'n ye on? Wurth' justice 
o whoam? 

Turn. Eigh, on coom snap, on axt meh whot he 
wantut? Whau, sed I, I've o varra fine bandy - 
hewit t'sell, on I hear yo want'n one, sur: humph 
sed he — a bandyhewit — prethee let's look at. — 
Yigh, said I ; on I pood th' cleawt fro off on hur, 
stroakt hur deawn th' back, on sed, hoos os fine o 
bandyhewit os ewer run ofore o tele. 

Mea. Well done Tummus! yo cud'n naw mend 
tat, in eh had'n it t' doo ogen : boh yo're fit t' gooa 
eawt efeath. 

Turn. Hoos a fine on, indeed, sed th' justice; 
on its o theawson pities boh I'd known on hur 
yusterday: for o felly coom, on I bowt one naw 
so good os this by hoave o ginny ; on I'll uphowd- 
tey theaw'U tey o ginny for this. On that I'll 
hav' in eh cou'd leet on a chapmon, sed I. Hoos 
roytchly worth it, sed he, on I think I con tell 
thee whear theaw map part with hur, if he be not 
fittut awready. 

Mea. Odds-like, boh that wur o good neatert 
justice, wur he naw? 



THE INTERPRETATION. 31 

Tho. Why well enough, for they may nip and 
cheat as bad as any other clerks, and they'll not 
meddle with thee ; but thou must not cross nor 
teize them, for they ar'nt to be vexed. 

Mary. But how went you on? Was the justice 
at home ? 

Tho. Aye, and came slap, and asked me what I 
wanted? Why, said I, I've a very fine bandy- 
hewit to sell, and I hear you want one, sir; humph, 
said he — a bandyhewit — prithee let's look at it. 
Aye, said I, and I pulled the handkerchief from 
off her, stroked her down the back, and said, she's 
as fine a bandyhewit as ever ran before a tail. 

Mary. Well done, Thomas, you could not have 
mended that, if you had it to do again; but you're 
fit to go out in faith. 

Tho. She's a fine one indeed, said the justice ; 
and it's a thousand pities but I'd known of her 
yesterday; for a fellow came, and I bought one 
not so good as this by half-a-guinea ; and I'll up- 
hold you, you'll take a guinea for this. And that 
I'll have, if I could light of a chapman, said I. 
She's richly worth it, said he, and I think I can tell 
thee where thou may part with her, if he is not 
fitted already. 

Mary. Dear me, but that was a good-natured 
justice, was he not? 



32 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

Turn. E, Meary, theaw tawks like o seely ninny- 
hommer: for tey mey wort fort, nowt ot's owt con 
come on't, when o mon deeols weh rascotly fok: 
boh as I'r telling thee, he neamt a felley ot wooant 
obeawt two mile off on him (boh the dule forget 
him os I done) so I munt gooa back ogen thro' 
Ratchdaw. So I geet Nip under meh arm ogen, 
mede o scroap weh meh hough, on bid th' justice 
good neet, weh o heyvy heart thew meh be shure : 
on boh os eh thowt he cou'd ashelt sell hur eh this 
tother pleck, it wou'd sartinly ha brock'n. 

Mea. Lord bless us! it wur lik't trouble o 
meetily ! 

Turn. Boh theawst hear, I'd naw gon o'er oboon 
a feelt or two, boh I coom to o greyt bruck, weh 
o feaw narrow sappling brig o'er it. As it had 
reint th' neet afore, os th' welk in wou'd ha op- 
p'nt, th' wetur wur bonkful ; tho' it wur feggur o 
deeol i'th mourning; on o someheaw, when I'r 
obeawt hoave o'er, meh shough slipt, on deawn 
coom I, arsyversy, weh Nip eh me arm i'th wetur, 
Nip I leet fend for hur sell'n, on flaskert int' eh 
geete how'd on o sawgh, on so charr'd meh sell'n ; 
or elze nother theaw, nor no mon elze had newer 
see Turn ogen : for be meh troth I'r welly werk'nt. 




&fJwJi**kvM> 



THE INTERPRETATION, 33 

Tho. Aye, Mary, thou talkst like a silly dunce : 
for take my word for it, nothing that's good for any 
thing can come of it, when a man deals, with ras- 
cally folk: but as I was telling thee, he named a 
fellow that lived about two miles off him (but the 
devil forget him as I do) ; so I must go back again 
to Rochdale. So I got Nip under my arm again, 
and made a scrape with my foot, and bid the jus- 
tice good night, with a heavy heart thou mayst be 
sure : and, but as I thought I could as well sell her 
in this other place, it would certainly have broken. 

Mary. Lord bless us ! it was like to trouble you 
mightily ! 

Tho. But thou'lt hear, I had not gone over 
above a field or two, but I came to a great brook, 
with a narrow plank bridge over it. As it had 
rained the night before, as if the sky would have 
opened, the water was bank-full, tho' it was fairer 
a deal in the morning; and somehow, when I 
was about half over, my shoe slipped, and down 
came I, topsy-turvy, with Nip in my arm in the 
water; Nip I let fend for herself, and flaskered 
until I got hold of the willows, and so took care of 
myself; or else neither thee nor any man else had 
never seen Tom again, for by my troth I had very 
near work of it. 



34 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

Mea. Good lorjus deys! th' like wur never! 
this had lik't to shad awth'tother! on yet yo 
coom'n farrantly off marry, for it wur a greyt 
marcy ye wur'n naw dreawnt. 

Turn. I know naw whether't wur or naw, noa- 
ther: boh theaw meh be shure I'r primely boyrnt, 
on os weet os ewer eh could sye : beside I'd no com 
to keem meh hure, so ot I lookt licker o dreawnt 
meawse in o mon. 

Mea. Beside, yoad'n be as cowd as iccles. 

Turn. Eigh, theaw may geawse I'r non mough'n : 
boh theawst hear. Id naw gone oboon o stone's 
thrut, efore eh wundurt whot teh pleague wur th' 
matter wimmey, for I begun t' smart os if five hun- 
durt pissmotes wur eh me breechus: I loast um 
deawn, boh cou'd see nowt ot wur whick : on yet 
I lookt as rey os o fleed meawse ; (for were seln 
beawt th' scrat at my measter's) 'sflesh, I'r ready 
t' gooa woode, on knew neaw whot eh eelt: — on 
then I unbethowt meh o me sawt. 

Mea. Ewea's me I'd freat'n that too ! I deawt 
it wou'd quite mar o'? 

Turn. Now, now, Meary, I'r naw quite marr'd : 
its true I went wigglety-wagglety, for an eawer or 
so, ofore I'r ogreath ogen: on when he geet reet, 
on coom t' groap eh meh singlet pocket for meh 



THE INTERPRETATION 35 

Mary. Good gracious days! the like was never! 
this had like to have overdone all the others ! yet 
you came pretty well off marry, for it was a great 
mercy you was not drowned. 

Tho. I don't know whether it was or not, nei- 
ther : but thou mayst be sure, I was primely washed, 
and as wet as a sieve, besides I'd no comb to comb 
my hair, so that I looked liker a drowned mouse 
than a man. 

Mary. Besides, thou'dst be as cold as icicles. 

Tho. Aye, thou mayst guess I was in no sweat : 
but thou'lt hear. I'd not gone above a stone's 
throw, afore I wondered what the plague was the 
matter with me, for I began to smart as if five 
hundred pismires (ants) were in my breeches: I 
loosed them down, but saw nothing that was alive, 
yet I looked as red as a flay'd mouse, (but we are 
seldom without the itch at my master's,) 'sflesh I 
was ready to go mad, and knew not what I ailed: 
and then — I bethought me of the salt ! 

Mary. Ah woe's me ! I'd forgotten that too ! I 
doubt it would quite spoil you? 

Tho. No, no, Mary, I'm not quite spoiled: it's 
true I went wigglety-wagglety (limping) for an hour 
or so before I was right again : and when I got 
right, and came to feel in my waistcoat pocket for 

d2 



36 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

sawt, the dule o bit a sawt wurthur, for it wur aw 
run owey — on new it jumpt into meh mind ot I 
saigh two rott'n pyenots (hongum) ot tis seme brig 
os eh coom. 

Mea. Did ever! that wur o sign o bad fartin: 
far I heard my gronny sey, hoode os leef o seen 
two owd Harries os two pyenots. 

Turn. Eigh, so seys meh noant Margit, on o 
meeny o fok: on I know pyenots ar os cunning 
eawls os wawk'n oth' yeorth. Boh as Fr telling 
thee Meary, whot with smart, on one thing on on- 
other, I're so stract woode, ot I cou'd ha fund eh 
meh heart ta puncht th' bitches guts eawt: on 
then I thowt ogen, Nip's eh no fawt! for be meh 
troth I'r welly off at side. 

Mea. Indeed, Tummus, I believe o; boh o lack 
o dey! purring th' bitch wou'd ha bin reet rank. 

Turn. That's true ; boh theaw knows one cun 
boh doo whot tey cun doo. 



THE INTERPRETATION. 37 

my salt, the devil a bit of salt was there, for it was 
all run away — and now it jumpt into my mind that 
I saw two rotten pyenots (magpies) hang 'em! at 
this same bridge as I came. 

Mary. Did ever ! that was a sign of bad for- 
tune : for I heard my granny say, she'd as soon see 
two old Harrys as two pyenots. 

Tho. Aye, so says my Aunt Margit, and a many 
folks : and I know pyenots are as cunning owls as 
walk on the earth. But I was telling thee, Mary, 
what with smart, and one thing or another, I was 
so stark mad, that I could have found in my heart 
to have punched the bitch's guts out; and then I 
thought again, Nip's in no fault ! for by my troth 
I was nearly beside myself. 

Mary. Indeed, Thomas, I believe you; but 
alack-a-day, punching the bitch would have been 
right wrong. 

Tho. That's true ; but thou knowst one can but 
do what we can do. 



( 38 ) 



SCENE IV. 
Worse frightened than hurt. 

Tummus and Meary. 

Mea. Reet ; boh heaw didney doo with'r weet 
clooas; wur'ney naw whelly parisht? 

Turn. Yigh, be me troth ; I dithert ot meh teeth 
hackt eh meh heeod ogen: boh that wur naw aw; 
it begun t' be dark, on I'r beawt scoance in a 
strawnge country, five o suse mile fro whoam; so 
that I maundert ith' fields oboon two eawers, on 
cou'd naw gawm where eh wur; for I moot os weel 
o bin in o noon: on in I'd howd'n up meh hont I 
cou'd no moor ha seen't in he con see o fleigh o 
thee neaw ! On here it wur I geet into a gete : 
for I thowt I heard summot coming, an if truth 
mun be spok'n, I'r so feerfully breed, at meh hure 
stood on eend, for theaw knows I noather knew 
whooa, nor whot it moot be ! 

Mea. True, Tummus, no marvil ot o wur so 
flay'd ; it wur so fearfoo dark ! 



( 39 ) 



SCENE IV. 
Worse frightened than hurt. 

Thomas and Mary. 

Mary. But how did you do with your clothes, 
wasn't you nearly perished? 

Tho. Aye, by my troth ; I quaked that my teeth 
knocked in my head again ; but that was not all ; 
it began to be dark and I without a lanthorn in a 
strange country, five or six miles from home : so 
that I wandered in the fields about two hours, and 
could not guess where I was, for I might as well 
have been in an oven, and if I'd held up my hand 
I could no more have seen it than I can see a flea 
upon thee now! And here it was I got into a 
fright, for I thought I heard something coming, 
and if truth must be spoken, I was so fearfully 
frightened that my hair stood on end, for thou 
knows I neither knew who, nor what it might be ! 

Mary. True, Thomas, no wonder you was so 
frightened : it was so fearful dark ! 



40 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

Turn. Heawe'er, I resolv't meyth' best on't, an 
up speek I — Wooas tat? A lad's voice answert 
in a crying din, " Elaw, dunnaw tey meh, dunnaw 
tey meh!" Now, sed I, I'll naw tey the, beleady: 
whooas lad art to? Whau, sed he, I'm Jone's 
o'Lall's o'Simmy's, o'Marriom's o'Dick's o'Ne- 
thon's, o'Lall's o'Simmy's ith' Hooms, an I'm goo- 
ink whoam. Odd, thinks Ft meh sell, theaw's a 
dree-er neme in me : an here, Meary, I cou'd naw 
boh think whot lung nemes sum on us han; for 
thine and mine ar meeterly ; boh this lad's wur so 
mitch dree-er, ot I thowt it dockt mine tone hawve. 
Mea. Preo na, tell meh ha theese lung nemes 
leet'n? 

Turn. Urn — m — mn, le meh see — I connaw tell 
the greadly, boh I think its to tell fok by. 
Mea. Well, an ha didneh gooa on with him? 
Turn. Then (as I thowt he tawkt so awkertly) 
I'd ash him for th' wonst whot uncoth's he heard 
sturrink. — I here none, but ot Jack o'Ned's towd 
meh, ot Sam's o' Jack's o'Yed's Marler, has wed 
Mall o'Nan's o'Sall's o'Peg's, ot gus obeawt o beg- 
gink churn-milk with pitcher, with lid on. Then 
I asht him where Jack o'Ned's wooant? Seys 
he, he's 'prentice weh Isaac o'Tim's o'Nick's oth' 
Hough-lone ; an he'd bin ot Jammy's o'George's 



THE INTERPRETATION. 41 

Tho. However, I was resolved to make the best 
of it, and up spoke I — Who's that? A lad's voice 
answered in a crying din, — " Aye, lawk! do not 
take me! do not take me!" No, said I, I'll not take 
thee, by our Lady, whose lad art thou? Why, said 
he, I am John's o'Lall's o'Simmy's, o'Marriom's 
o'Dick's o'Nethon's, o'Lall's o'Simmy's in the lanes, 
and I am going home. Odds, thinks I to myself, 
thou'st along name in thee : and here, Mary, I could 
not but think what long names some of us have, for 
thine and mine are moderate ; but this lad's was so 
much longer, that I thought it cut mine into one half. 

Mary. Prithee now, tell me how these long 
names happen? 

Tho. Um — m — n, let me see! I cannot tell 
well, but I suppose it is to know folks by. 

Mary. Well and did you go on with him? 

Tho. Then (as I thought he talked so awk- 
wardly) I'd ask him for the once what news he 
heard stirring. I hear none, he said, but Sam 
Marler has married Moll Pegs, and goes about 
begging butter-milk with a pitcher with a lid on. — 
Then I asked him where Jack at Ned's lived? 
Says he, he's 'prentice with Isaac o'Tim's o'Nick's 
of the Hough-lane, and he'd been at Jemmy's 
o'George's o'Peter's in the Dingles for half a pound 



4$ THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

o'Peter's ith' Dingles for hoave a peawnd o treacle 
t' seaws'n a beest-puddink weh, on his feather and 
moother wooan at JRossendow, boh his gronney's 
alive an wooans weh his noant Margery a Grinfilt, 
at pleck where his nown moother coom fro. Good 
lad, sed I, boh heew far's tis Littlebrough off; for 
I aimt' see it to neet if he con hit. Seys t' lad, 
it's obeawt a mile, on yo mun keep streight forrud 
o yer lift hont, on yoan happ'n do. So a thiss'n 
we partit; but I mawkint, an lost me gete ogen 
snap. So I powlert o'er yetes on steels, hedges 
on doytches, til eh coom to this Littlebrough; on 
there I'r ill breed ogen, for I thowt I'd seen a bog- 
gart ; boh it prooft o mon weh o piece-woo, resting 
im on o stoop ith' lone. As soon os eh cou'd speyk 
for whackering, I asht him where ther wur an ele- 
heawse? on he shoud meh: I went in on fund two 
fat troddy fok, wun'nt teer: on theyd'n some oth' 
warst fratchingst cumpany, ot e'er e saigh, for 
theyr'n warrying, banning, on cawing on another 
leawsy eawls, os thick os leet: heawe'er I pood o 
cricket, on keaw'rt meh deawn ith' nook, o side 
oth' hob : I'd no soyner done so, boh a feaw seawr 
lookt felley, with o wythen kibbo he had in his 
hont, slapt o sort of o wither meazzilt feas't mon, 
sitch o thwang oth' scawp, ot aw varra reetcht ogen 



THE INTERPRETATION. 43 

of treacle to season a beest-pudding with, and his 
father and mother live at Rossendow, but his 
granny's alive and lives with his aunt Margery at 
Greenfield, the place where his own mother came 
from. Good lad, said I, but how far is Littlebo- 
rough off, for I must see it to-night if I can hit it. 
Says the lad, it's about a mile, and you must keep 
straight forward on your left hand, and you'll find 
it. So in this way we parted; but I was stupid, 
and lost my way again soon. So I scrambled over 
gates and styles, hedges and ditches, till I came to 
this Littleborough ; and there I was worse fright- 
ened again, for I thought I had seen an apparition ! 
but it proved a man with a quantity of wool to 
make a piece of cloth, resting himself on a stump 
in the lane. As soon as I could speak for trem- 
bling, I asked him where there was an alehouse? 
and he showed me : I went in and found two fat- 
bellied folks were there, and they'd some of the most 
quarrelsome company I ever saw, for they were 
cursing and swearing, and calling one another 
lousy owls as thick as thee could meet with: how- 
ever I pulled a stool, and stooped nie down in the 
corner aside of the grate : I'd no sooner done so 
than a foul sour-looking fellow, with a willow stick 
in his hand, slapt a sort of a lusty rough-faced 



44 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

with; on deawn he coom oth' harstone, on his 
heeod ith' esshole : his scrunt wig feel off, on o 
hontle o whot couks feel into't, on brunt, on frizzlt 
it so, ot when he ost don it, on unlucky karron gen 
it o poo, on it slipt o'er his sow, on lee like o 
hawmbark on his shilders. I glendurt like a stickt 
tup, for fear on o dust meh seln : on crope fur into 
th' chimney. Oytch body thowt ot mezzil fease 
wou'd mey a flittink on't, on dee in a crack; so 
sum on um cryd'n eawt, " a doctor a doctor" while 
others mead'n th' landlort go saddle th' tit to fotch 
one. While this wur e dooink, some on um had 
leet on a kin on a doctor ot wooant o bit off, an 
shew'd im th' mon oth' harstone. He leyd how'd 
on his arm to feel his pulse I geawse, an pood os 
if he'd sin death pooink at th' tother arm, an wur 
resolv't o'er-poo him : after lookink dawkingly-wise 
a bit, he geete fro his whirly booans, and sed to 
um aw, " While his heart beeots an his blood sar- 
clates there's hopes, boh when that stops its whooup 
with him efeath." Mezzil fease hearink summon 
o' whooup, startit to his feet, flote none, boh gran 
like a foomurt-dog; on seete ot black swarffy tyke 
weh booath neaves, on wawtit him o'er into th' 
galkeer, ful o new drink wortching : he begun o 
possing, on peyling him int' so, ot aw wur blendit 



THE INTERPRETATION. 45 

fellow, such a bang of the chops that he fairly 
reeled again with: and down he came on the 
hearthstone, with his head in the ash-hole: his 
besom wig fell off, and a handful of hot coals fell 
into it, and burnt and frizzled it so, that when he 
tried to put it on, an unlucky chap gave it a pull 
and it slipt over his head, and lay like a horse's 
collar on his shoulders : I stared like a stuck tup, 
for fear of a dust myself: and crept further into 
the chimney. Each body thought the rough-faced 
fellow would have made a departure of it, and die 
in a crack; so some of them cried out, " a doctor! 
a doctor!" whilst others made the landlord go sad- 
dle the tit to fetch one. While this was a-doing 
some of them found a hind of a doctor that lived 
a bit off, and showed him the man on the hearth- 
stone. He laid hold of his arm, to feel his pulse 
I guess, and pulled as if he'd seen death pulling 
at the other arm, and was resolved to over-pull him : 
after looking foolishly wise a while, he got from his 
knees and said to them all, " While his heart beats 
and his blood circulates there's hope, but when 
that stops it's all up with him in faith." Fiery- 
pimple-facp, hearing somewhat of " all up," started 
to his feet, stopt none, but ran like a ferret dog ; and 
set at the black swarthy chap with both fists, and 



46 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

t'gether snap. 'Sflesh, Meary ! theaw'd o bepiss't 
teh, 'ta' seen heaw'th gobbin wur awtert, when ot 
tey pood'n him eawt; and whot o hobthrust eh 
lookt weh aw that berm obeawt im. He kept 
droying his een: boh he moot as weel ha sowt urn 
in his a — e, tin th' lonledy had mede an eaw'rs 
labbor on 'im ot pump : when he coom in ogen, 
he glooart awvishly ot mezzil fease; on mezzil 
fease glendurt os wrythenly ot im ogen ; boh noa- 
ther warrit nor thrapt: so they seete urn deawn, 
on then the londledy coom in, on wou'd mey um't 
pay far th' lumber ot teyd'n done ur. " Meh 
drink's war be o creawn," sed hoo ; " beside, there's 
two tumblers, three quifting pots, on four pipes 
masht, on o how papper o bacca shed :" this mede 
'umt glendor ot tone tother ogen ; but black tyke's 
passion wur coolt at't pump, on th' wythen kibbo 
had quiet'nt tother; so ot teh camm'd little or 
none, boh agreed t'pey aw meeon, then seet'n um 
deawn, on wur friends ogen in o sniff. 



Mea. This wur mad gawmbling wark; on welly 
os ill os th' teying th' eawl. 



THE INTERPRETATION. 47 

overturned him into the tub in which the drink 
was working : he began a knocking and thumping 
him into it so, that all blended together quickly. 
Sflesh, Mary! thou'd have watered to have seen 
how the gaby was altered when that they pulled 
him out ; and what an apparition he looked, with 
all the yeast and froth of the drink about him. 
He kept drying his eyes ; but he might as well 
have sought them in his bottom, until the landlady 
had made an hour's labour upon him at the pump : 
when he came in again he looked queerly at pim- 
pled-face, and pimpled-face looked as illnaturedly 
at him again; but neither swore nor blackguarded: 
so they set 'em down, and then the landlady came 
in and would make them pay for the mischief they 
had done her. " My drink's worse by a crown," 
said she; " besides, there's two tumblers, three 
half-gills, and four pipes smashed, and a whole 
paper of tobacco shed :" this made them stare at 
each other again; but the black chap's passion 
was cooled at the pump, and the willow stick had 
quieted the other, so they grumbled little or none, 
but agreed to pay all between them, then sat them 
down, and were good friends again in a whiff. 

Mary. This was mad rambling work ; and 
nearly as bad as the taking of the owl. 



48 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

Turn. Ney, naw quite noather, Meary ; for 
berm's o howsome smell : heawe'er, when aw wur 
sattFt, I crope nar th' foyar ogen; for I wantot o 
whawm fearfully, for I'r booath cowd on weet, os 
well as hongry on droy. 

Mea. Beleemy, Tummus, yo mootn weell ; boh 
yoarn in o good kele too to, ot idd'n money eh 
yer pocket. 

Turn. Eigh, I thowt I'd. money enough; boh 
theawst hear moor o that een na. So I cawd for 
summot t'eat, on o pint o ele ; on hoo browt me 
some hog-mutt'n on special turmits ; on as prime 
veeol on pestil os ned be toucht: I creemt Nip 
neaw on then o lunshun, boh Turn took care oth' 
tother, steawp on reawp ; for I eet like o Yorshar- 
mon 9 en cleeart th' stoo. 



THE INTERPRETATION. 49 

Tho. No, not quite, for yeast has a wholesom 
smell : however, when all was settled, I crept near 
to the fire again, for I wanted a warm sadly, — for 
I was both cold and wet, as well as hungry and 
dry. 

Mary. Believe me, Thomas, you might well be 
so ; but you're in a good place too, and you had 
money in your pocket. 

Tko. Ay, I thought I had money enough ; but 
thoult hear more of that just now. So I called 
for something to eat, and a pint of ale ; and she 
brought me some pork and raw turnips, and as 
fine veal and ham as need to be touched : I 
crammed Nip now and then with a luncheon, but 
Tom took care of the other, every bit ; for I eat 
like a Yorkshire-man, and cleared the table. 



( 50 ) 



SCENE V. 
Nought to Pay 

Tummus and Meary. 

Mea. Well done, Tummus ! yoad'n sure need 
no ree supper, for yo shadd'n wrynot, on slanst th' 
charges frowt, I hear. 

Turn. True ; so I seete on restut meh, on drank 
me pint o ele; boh as I'r naw greadly sleckt, I 
cawd for another, on bezzilt tat too, for I'r os 
droy as soot ; on as't wur t' lete t'gooa anny whi- 
ther weh meh bitch, I askt th' londledey in eh 
cou'd staw aw neet; hoo towd meh I moot in eh 
wou'd. Sed I, I'll geaw neaw, innin geaw wim- 
mey. I geaw with thee, ko hoo? whot ar to 
feeard o boggarts, or theaw'rt naw weynt yet, on 
connaw sleep beawt o pap ? 'Sflesh, sed I, whot 
are ye tawking on? I want gut' bed. Ho, ho, 
if that be aw, sed hoo, Margits't show thee. So 



( 51 ) 



SCENE V. 
Shot, and no Money* 

Thomas and Mary. 

Mary. Well done, Thomas ! you'd sure need 
no second supper, for you eat so much that 
you took the profits from it, I hear. 

Tho. True ; so I sat and rested myself, and 
drank my pint of ale; but as I had not well 
quenched my thirst, I called for another, and 
took that in too, for I was as dry as soot; and as 
it was too late to go any where with my bitch, 
poor Nip, I asked the landlady if she could let me 
rest all night ; she told me I might, if I would. 
Said I, I'll go now, if you'll go with me. I go 
with thee, say you? what, art thou afraid of 
ghosts, or thou'rt not weaned yet, and cannot 
sleep without the breast? 'Sflesh, said I, what 
art thou talking of? I want to go to bed. Ho, 

e2 



52 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

Margit leet o condle, on shewd meh o wistey 
reawm, on o bed weh curtnurs forsuth ! I thowt 
Margit pottert on fettlt lung i'th choamber ofore 
ho laft it, on I mistrust it ot hoor 'meawlt for o bit 
o tussling on teawing ; boh o someheaw I'r so 
toyart on healo, ot I'r eh no fettle for catterweaw- 
ing, so I sed nowt too 'ur ; boh I forthowt sin, for 
hoor no daggletele I'll uphowdtey, boh os snug o 
loss os Seroh o'Rutchots eary bit. 



Mea. Marry kem eawt! like enough, why not? 
Is Seroh o'Rutchots so honsome ? 

Turn. Eigh, hoos meeterly. Heawe'er, when 
hoor gon, I doft meh donk shoon on hoyse, on 
me doage clooas, on geet in; on eh truth, Meary, 
I newer lee eh sitch bed sin eh wur kersunt. 

Mea. E dear Tummus, I cou'd ha lik't o bin 
with o ; I warrant yoad'n sleep seawndly ? 

Turn. Ney, I connaw sey ot he did, for I'r 
meetily troublt abeawt me kawve : besides, I'r 
feeard o eawer fok seeching meh, on meh measter 
beasting meh when he geet whooam ; its true meh 
carkuss wur pratty yeasy, boh meh mind moot os 
weel o line on o pissmotehoyle, or in o rook o hoi- 



THE INTERPRETATION. 53 

ho, if that be all, said she, Marg'ret will show 
thee. So Marg'ret lighted a candle, and showed 
me a large room, and a bed with curtains forsooth ! 
I thought Marg'ret was confused and lingered 
long in the chamber before she left it, and I sus- 
pected that she longed for a bit of pulling and 
hauling ; but somehow I was so tired and bashful 
that I was in no humour for caterwauling, so I 
said nothing to her ; but I have forethought my- 
self since, for she was no dirty one, I'll assure thee, 
but as nice a lass as Sarah at Richard's, every bit. 

Mary. Marry come up ! like enough, why not? 
Is Sarah at Richard's so handsome ? 

Tho. Ay, she's moderately. However, when 
she was gone, I took off my wet shoes and hose, 
and my wet clothes, and got in; and in truth, 
Mary, I never lay in such a bed since I was 
christened. 

Mary. O dear Thomas, I should have liked to 
have been with you ; I warrant you'd sleep soundly ? 

Tho. Nay, I cannot say that I did, for I was 
much troubled about my calf: besides, I was 
afraid of our folk seeking me, and my master beat- 
ing me when I got home; it's true, my carcass 
was pretty easy, but my mind might as well have 
lain in an ant's hole, or on a heap of holly or 



54 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT, 

lins or gorses, for it wur one o'clock ofore eh cou'd 
toyn me een. 

Mea. Well, on heaw went'n ye on ith' mourning 
when eh wack'nt? 

Turn. Whau, as I'r donning meh thwooanish 
clooas, I thowt I'll know heaw meh shot stons 
ofore I'll wear moor o meh brass o meh brekfust : 
so I cawd, on th' londledey coom, on kest it up 
to throtteen-pence ! So, thowt I t' meh seln, o 
weawnded deeol ! whot strushon hav I mede here ! 
I cou'd ha fund meh seln o how wick weh hus for 
that money. I'st naw hav one boadle t' sphere o 
meh " ohyde silver :" on neaw I'r in os ill o kele 
meetshad, wur eh naw ? 

Mea. Now marry! naw yo: in idd'n mede 
strusshion, on bezzilt owey moor brass inney 
hadd'n, yo met'n ha tawkt. 

Turn. I find teaw con tell true to a hure, into 
■will, Meary; boh, byth' miss! when ot eh coom't 
grope eh meh slop t' pey 'ur, I'r weawndedly 
glopp'nt, for the dule o hawpunny had eh! on 
whether eh lost it ith' bruck, or weh scrawming 
o'er th' doytch-backs, I no moor know in th' mon 
ith' moon, boh gon it wur ! I steart like o wil-cat, 
on wur welly gawmless : on ot last I towd hur I'd 
lost meh money. Sed hoo, whot dunneh meeon 



THE INTERPRETATION. 55 

gorse, for it was one o'clock before I could close 
my eyes. 

Mary. Well, and how got you on in the morn- 
ing, when you wakened ? 

2720. Why, as I was putting on my wettish 
clothes, I thought I'll know how my shot stands 
before I'll spend more of my brass at my break- 
fast : so I called, and the landlady came, and cast 
it up to thirteen-pence ! So, thought I to myself, 
it's a plaguy deal ; what destruction have I made 
here ! I could have found myself a whole week 
with us for that money. I shall not have one 
farthing to spare of my " Hide silver:" and now 
I was in as bad a case as could be, wasn't I now? 

Mary. No, marry ! not you : if you had made 
away with more money than you had, you might 
have talked. 

Tom. I find thou can'st tell true to a hair, if 
thou wilt, Mary ; but, by the mass ! when I came 
to grope in the bottom of my pocket to pay her, I 
was woundily frightened, for the devil a ha'penny 
had I ! and whether I had lost it in the brook or 
with scrambling over the ditch banks, I no more 
knew than the man in the moon, but gone it was ! 
I stared like a wild cat and was nearly motionless : 
at last I told her I had lost my money! Said she, 



56 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

rnon ; yoast naw put Yorshar o me ? that tele 
winnaw fit meh ; for yoar liket' pey o sumheaw. 
Sed I, boh its true, on yo mey grope eh meh 
breeches in he win. Theaw'rt some mismanert 
jackonapes I'll uphowd tey, sey hoo: ney, ney, I'st 
naw grope eh the breeches, not I. Whau, sed I, 
yoar lik't ha nowt, beawt yean tey meh woollen 
mittins, and meh sawt cleawt. Thoos'n naw doo, 
sed hoo, they're naw booath worth aboon two 
groats. I nowt elze, sed I, beawt yean ha meh 
sneeze hum, on I'm loath t' part weet, becose 
Seroh o'Rutchots gaight me th' last kersmuss. 
Let's see um, sed hoo, for theow'rt some arron 
rascot I'll uphowd teh. So I gen um her; on still 
this broddling fussock lookt feaw os tunor when 
I'd done. 

Meet. Good-lorjus-o-me ! I think idd'n th' warst 
luck ot ewer kersun soul had. 

Turn. Theaw'll say so eend neaw! Well, I'r 
toyart o that pleck, on crope owey witheawt bit or 
sope, or cup o sneeze ; for I gawmbl't on leet tat 
gooa too. I soyn sperr'd this gentlemon's hoah 
eawt ; on when eh geete tear, I gan o glent into 
th' shipp'n, on seed o mon stonning ith' groop. 
Sed I, is yer measter o' whoam, prey o? Eigh, 



THE INTERPRETATION. 



57 



what do you mean man? you are now putting 
Yorkshire on me, that tale will not suit me, for 
you are like to pay it somehow. Said I, but it's 
true, and you may feel in my breeches if you will. 
Thou art some mismannered jackanapes, I'll up- 
hold thee, said she: nay, nay, I'll not feel in thy 
breeches, not I. Well, said I, you are like to have 
nought, without you'll take my woollen gloves, and 
my clout, I had carried the salt in. Those will 
not do, said she, they are not both worth above 
two groats. I have nought else, said I, without 
you'll have my snuff horn, and I'm loth to part 
with it, because Sarah at Richards's gave it me 
last Christmas. Let's see them, said she, for thou 
art some arrant rascal I'll uphold thee. So I gave 
them to her ; and still this fat fussock of a woman 
looked as black as thunder when I'd done. 

Mary. Good gracious ! I think you'd the worst 
luck that ever christian soul had. 

Tko. Thou'lt say so just now! Well, I was tired 
of the place, and^crept away without bite or sup, 
or pinch of snuff; for I played the fool and let 
that go too. I soon spied the gentleman's hall 
out; and when I got there, I gave a look into the 
cow-house, and saw a man standing in the cow's 
stall. Said I, is your master at home pray? 



58 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

sed he, I wou'd idd'n tell him I'd fene speyk at 
him, sed I. Yigh, sed he, that I'll doo. So he'r 
no soyner gooan, boh a fine, fattish, throbby gen- 
tlemon, coom in a trice, on axt meh whot he 
wantut? Sed I, I understond yo want'n o good 
bandyhewit, sur, on I've a pure on t* sell here. 
Let's see th' shap on hur, sed he; so I stroakt 
hur deawn th' back, on croobb'd hur oth' greawnd. 
Hoos th' fin'st ot ew'ry saigh, sed he ; boh I deawt 
things'n leet unluckily for the ; for I geete two this 
last week, on they mey'dn up meh keawnt. — Neaw 
Meary, I'r ready t' cruttle deawn, for theaw moot 
o knockt meh o'er with a pey. — Boh whot's teh 
price, sed he ? I connaw thwooal hur t' meh nown 
broother under o ginny, sed I. Hoos cheeop o 
that, sed he ; on no deawt boh theaw mey sell hur. 

Mea. Odds like ! yoarn lung eh finding o chap- 
men ; oytchbody'r awlus fittut so. 

Turn. Eigh, fittut eigh; far they ned'n none no 
moor in I need wetur eh meh shoon, not tey : but 
theaw'st hear. Then sed he, there's an old cratch- 
enly gentlemon, ot wooans ot yon heawse, omung 
yon trees, meet anent us ; ot I believe '11 gi thee 
the price : if not, justice sitch o one's o likely chap, 
iftle goo thither. Sed I, I'r there last oandurth, 



THE INTERPRETATION. 59 

Ay, said he. I would you would tell I would 
feign speak to him, said I. Ay, said he, that 
I'll do. So he was no sooner gone, but a 
fine fattish bulky gentleman came in a trice, and 
asked me what I wanted ? Said I, I under- 
stand you want a good bandyhewit, and I've a 
rare one to sell here. Let me see the shape of 
her, said he : so I stroked her down the back, and 
gently put her on the ground. She's the finest 
I ever saw, said he, but I doubt things fall un- 
luckily for thee, for I got two this last week, and 
they made up my count. Now, Mary, I was ready 
to sink down, and thou might have knocked me 
over with a pea. But what is the price said he? 
I cannot afford her to my own brother under a 
guinea, said I. She's cheap at that, said he ; and 
no doubt but thou may sell her. 

Mary. It's not like, for you're long in finding a 
chapman, each body's always supplied so. 

Tho. Ay, supplied ay, for they wanted none, 
no more than I did water in my shoes, not they : 
but thou'lt hear. Then, said he, there is an old 
feeble gentleman that lives at yonder house among 
those trees, just opposite to us; that I believe will 
give thee thy price: if not, justice such-a-one is a 
likely chap if thou'lt go thither. Said I, I was 



60 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

on he'd leet o oneth yeandurth ofore. That leet 
feawly for the, sed he. Eigh, sed I, so it e'en did ; 
for I mede o peaw'r o labber obeawt it I'm shure. 
Well boh this owd gentlemon's lik'ly'st of onny I 
know. So I mede 'im meh manners, on seete eawt 
for this tother pleck. 

Mea. I hope in ha' better luck, egodsnum. 

Turn. Whau, I thowt eh cou'd too: for neaw it 
popt int' mind, ot Nip did naw howd her tele 
heeigh enough, on ot fok wou'd naw buy her be- 
cose o' that. On int' has naw freeat'n, I bowt two 
eawnce o' pepper when id meh sawt; on tho' 'twur 
os thodd'n os o thar-cake, I'd rub her a — se weet : 
for I had seen Oamfrey o'Mathos pley that tutch 
be his crewparst-mare, that dey ot Yem oth' Red- 
bonk coom't buy hur. So meet ofore eh geet teear, 
I took Nip, on rubb'd hur primely efeath ; een till 
o' yeawlt ogen. I'r ot heawse in o crack, on leet 
oth' owd mon ith' fowd, ossing t' geet o tit back. 
Sed I too him, is yoarn neme Mr. Scar? Sed he, 
theaw'r oather greeof, or greeof-by ; but I gex I'm 
him ot to meeons: what wants to wimmey? I'm 
infarmed, sed I, ot yo want'n o bandyhewit, on 
I've o tiptop on eh meh arms here os onny's eh 



THE INTERPRETATION. 61 

there last evening, and he had lighted of one the 
morning before. That fell badly for thee, said he. 
Aye, said I, so it even did ! for I made a deal of 
talk about it I'm sure. Well, but this old gentle- 
man is the likeliest of any I know. So I made him 
my manners (by bowing) and set out for this other 
place. 

Mary. I hope you'll have better luck, in God's 
name. 

Tho. Why, I thought I could too, for now it 
came into my mind, that Nip did not hold her tail 
high enough, and that folk would not buy her on 
account of that; and if thou hast not forgotten, I 
I bought two ounces of pepper when I'd my salt; 
and although it was as sodden as an oaten cake, 
I'd rub her with it; for I'd seen Humphrey at 
Mathews's play that trick by his bay-breeched 
mare that day that Jem of the Red Bank came to 
buy her. So just before I got there, I rubbed her 
primely in faith; even till she yelled again. I was 
at the house in a crack, and found the old man in 
the yard, beginning to get on horseback. Said I 
to him, is your name Mr. 8car ? . Said he, thou'rt 
either right or very near it, but I guess I am he 
that thou means ; what wants thou with me ? I am 
informed, said I, you want a bandyhewit, and I've 



62 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

Englandshiar. That's a greyt breeod, sed he; 
but prethe let's hondle hur o bit, for in eh tutch 
hur, I con tell whether hoo's reet bred or naw. 

Mea. Odd, but that wur o meety fawse owd 
felly, too-to. 

Turn. 'Sflesh, Meary! I think eh meh guts ot 
he'r th' bigg'st rascot on um aw : boh I leet im 
hondle'r, on he'r so seely, on his honds wackert so 
despratly, ot he cou'd naw stick too hur, on hoo 
leep deawn. Neaw fort, thowt I, Nip ; cock the 
tele on show the sell ; boh estid ot that, hoo seet 
up o yeawll, clapt th' tele between hur legs, on 
crope into o hoyle ith' horse-stone ! 

Mea. Fye onn'r, I'st ha bin os mad attur os o 
pottert-wasp. 

Turn. Whau, I'r os mad os teaw cou'd be, ot 
hoode shawmt hur so wofully ; heaw'eer I sed to 
th' owd mon, munneh tak' ur ogen for yoan find 
hoose no foogoad on a bitch! Now, now, sed he, 
I feel os fat os o snig, on os smoot os o mowde- 
warp : on I find os plene os o pike-staff, be hur 
lennock yeears, ot hoose reet bread : on I'd a had 
'ur if hoode cost meh o moider, but ot o friend has 
sent meh one eawto Yorshar, on I need no moor: 



THE INTERPRETATION. 63 

a tiptop one in my arms as any in England. That's 
a great breed, said he, but prithee let's feel her a 
bit, for if I touch her, I can tell whither she is a 
right breed or not, 

Mary. Egad, but that was a mighty false old 
fellow to be sure. 

Tho. 'Sflesh, Mary, I think in my guts he was 
the biggest rascal of them all : but I let him exa- 
mine her, and he was so weakly, and his hands 
shook so desperately, that he could not stick to 
her, and she jumpt down. Now for it, thought I, 
Nip, cock thy tail and show thyself: but instead 
of that, she set up a yell, clapt the tail between her 
two legs, and crept into the hole under the horse- 
block. 

Mary. Fye upon her, I should have been as 
mad at her as a vexed wasp. 

Tho. Why, I was as mad as thou couldst be, that 
she had showed herself so shamefully; however I 
said to the old man, must I take her again, for 
you'll find she's no lap-dog! No, no, said he, I 
feel she's as fat as a snig, and as smooth as a mole : 
and I find as plain as a pikestaff, by her pliant 
slender ears that she's of the right breed: and I'd 
have had her, if she had cost me a moidore, but 
that a friend has sent me one out of Yorkshire, 



64 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

boh I'll swop with the into will. Now, sed I, I'll 
swop none : for I'll oather have a ginny for hur, 
or hoost newer gooa while meh heeod stons o meh 
shilders. Then I con chaffer none with the, sed 
he; boh hast' bin ot yon fine bigging anentus? 
Eigh, sed I, boh he's onoo on urn. Well but 
they're os scant neaw os ewer the wur eh this warld, 
sed he ; on there's one Muslin eh Ratchdaw, ot's 
o meety lover on um. Whau, sed I, I'st go see. 
On neaw Meary, I begun t' mistrust ot tearn'n 
meying ofoo on meh! 

Mea. The firrups tak' um, boh tey ne'er wur be 
aw o like. 



THE INTERPRETATION. 65 

and I need no more, but I'll change with thee if 
thou wilt. No, said I, I'll swop none, for I'll either 
have a guinea for her, or she never goes while 
my head stands on my shoulders. Then I can 
bargain none with thee, says he; but hast thou 
been at that big house opposite? Aye, said I, 
(snappishly) but he's enough of them. Well but 
they are as scarce now as ever they were in the 
world, said he; and there's one Muslin at Roch- 
dale, that is a mighty lover of them. Well, said 
I, I'll go and see. And now Mary, I began to 
mistrust they were making a fool of me! 

Mary. The device take them, but they never 
could be all alike. 



( 66 ) 



SCENE VI. 
More thumps than aw pence. 

Tummus and Meary. 

Turn. Whau, boh howd tey tung o bit, on 
theawst hear ; for I thought I'd try this tother fel- 
ley, on if he'r gett'n fittut too, I'd try no moor: for 
then it wou'd be os plene os Blackstonehedge ot 
team meying oh arron gawby on meh. So I went 
t' Ratchdaiv, on sperr'd 'tis mon eawt. I found 
im o back oth' shopboort, weh o little dog ot side 
on 'im: thowt I t'meh seln I would teaw'a choak't 
this felley '11 be fittut too, I deawt. Well, sed he, 
onnist mon whot done yo pleeost' hav? I want 
nowt ot he han, sed I, for I'm come'n t' sell ye o 
bandyhewit. Neaw, Meary, this rascot os weel 
ost' rest, roost meh bitch to the varra welkin ; but 
ot tat time — he did naw want one! 



(67 ) 



SCENE VI. 
More blows than looked for. 

Thomas and Mary. 

Tho. Well, but hold thy tongue a bit and 
thou It hear; for I thought I'd try this other fellow, 
and if he has got fixed too, I would try no more ; 
for then it would be as plain as Blackstone Hedge* 
that they were making an arrant jack-ass of me. 
So I went to Rochdale, and looked this man out. 
I found him at the back of the shopboard, with a 
little dog aside of him: thought I to myself I would 
thou was choked, this fellow will be fixed too, I 
doubt. Well, said he, honest man, what do you 
please to have? I want nothing that you have, 
said I, for I am come to sell you a bandyhewit. 
Now, Mary, this rascal, as well as the rest, praised 
my bitch to the skies ; but at that time — he did 
not want one! 

* An extensive hill near Rochdale. 



68 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

Mea. E wea's me, Tummus! I deawt team 
meying o parfit neatril on o ! 

Turn. O, neatril! eigh, th' big'st ot ewer wur 
mede sin Kene kilt Ebil! on neaw I'r so strackt 
woode I'r arronly moydert, on cou'd ha fund eh 
meh heart't a jowd aw ther sows together. I'r no 
soyner areawt, boh o threave o rabblement wer 
watching on meh at t' dur. One on um sed, this 
is im; onother, he's here; on one basturtly-gullion 
asht mey if I'd sowd meh bandy hewit? By th' 
miss, Meary, I'r so augurt ot tat, ot I up weh meh 
gripp'n neave, on hit im o good wherrit oth' yeear, 
on then weh meh hough puncht him into th' rig- 
got; on ill grim'd on deet th' lad wur for shure: 
then they aw seete ogen meh, on ofore I'd gon o 
rood, ih' lad's moother coom, on crope sawfly be- 
hunt meh, on geete meh by th' hewer, on deawn 
coom Nip on me ith' rindle, on th' hoor ot top on 
meh : while th' tuffle lastit, hur lad (on the basturts 
ot took his part) kept griming, on deeting meh 
weh sink durt, ot I thowt meh een would newer 
ha done good ogen; for I moot os weel ha bin 
o'er the heeod in o midding spuce, or ot teying o 
two eawls. 

Mea. E walla dey, whot obunnanze o misfartins 
yo had'n. 



THE INTERPRETATION. 69 

Mary. Eh! dear me, Thomas! I doubt they 
were making a perfect natural of thee ! 

Tho. A natural! aye, the biggest that ever was 
made since Cain killed Abel ! and now I was so 
stark-mad, I was downright bothered, and could 
have found in my heart to have jolted all their 
heads together. I was no sooner out of doors but 
a posse of rabble were w r aiting for me at the door. 
One of them said, this is him ; another, he's here ; 
and one bastardly bastard asked if I had sold my 
bandyhewit? By the mass, Mary, I was so an- 
gered at that, that I up with my griffined fists and 
hit him a good thump on the head, and then with 
my foot kicked him into the channel ; and all be- 
mired with dirt the lad was for sure : then they all 
set against me, and before I had gone a rood, the 
lad's mother came, and crept softly behind me, and 
got me by the hair, and down came Nip with me 

into the channel, and the at top of me : while 

the struggle lasted, her lad (and the bastards who 
took his part) kept besmearing me with street dirt, 
and I thought my eyes would never have done 
good again; for I might as well have been over 
head in a horse wash or at the taking of tivo owls. 
Mary. Ah! well-a-day! what abundance of mis- 
fortunes you had. 



70 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

Turn, Eigh, for if Owd Nick owt me a spite, he 
pede me whoam weh use : for while the skirmidge 
lastut, owth teawn wur cluttert obeawt us : I sheamt 
os if I'd stown summut, on skampurt owey weh o 
fleigh eh me yeear, on up th' broo into th' church- 
yort : there I'd o mind t' see if onney body follut 
meh, I turn'd meh, on who te dule dust think? 
boh I'd los Nip. 

Me a. Whot senneh ! 

Turn. It's true, Meary ; so I cawd, on I whewtit, 
boh no Nip wur t' be fund, hee nor low : on far 
aw I knew meh measter seete sitch stoar on hur, 
becose o fotchink th' beaoss on sheep, I durst os 
tite o tean o bear by th' tooth ostta os seech hur 
ith' teawn. So I took eendwey, for it wur welly 
neet ; on I'd had noather bit nor sope, nor cup o 
sneeze of aw that dey. 

Mea. Why, yoad'n be os gaunt os grewnt; on 
welly fammisht. 

Turn. I tell the, Meary, Fr welly moydart: then 
I thowt meh heart wou'd ha sunk int' meh shoon ; 
for it feld os heavy os o mustert boah, on I stanck 
so, it mede meh os waughish os owt, on I'd two 
or three wetur tawms : beside aw this, meh belly 
warcht; on eh this fettle I munt daddle whoam, 
on fease meh measter! 



THE INTERPRETATION. 71 

Tho. Aye, for if Old Nick owed me a spite, he 
paid me home with use: for while the skirmish 
lasted, all the town was gathered about us : I was 
shamed as if I'd stolen something, and scampered 
away with a flea in my ear, and up the hill into the 
churchyard: there I'd a mind to see if any body 
followed me. I turned me, and what the devil 
dost think? but I had lost Nip. 

Mary. What say you ! 

Tho. It's true, Mary ! so I called and I whistled, 
but no Nip was to be found, high or low : and for 
all I knew my master set such store on her, be- 
cause of fetching the beast and sheep, I durst as 
soon have taken a bear by the tooth, as to attempt 
to seek her in the town. So I took the straight- 
way, for it was nearly night ; and I'd neither had 
bit or sup, or pinch of snuff, all that day. 

Mary. Why, you'd be as empty as the ground, 
and nearly famished. 

Tho. I'll tell thee, Mary, I was nearly non-plused ; 
then I thought my heart would have sunk in my 
shoes, for it felt as heavy as a mustard ball, and I 
stunk so ! that it made me as faintish as any thing, 
and I had two or three water vomits : besides all 
this my belly ached ; and in this state I must dan- 
dle home, and face my master! 



72 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

Mea. E dear! whot o kin of o beawt had'n ye 
well him? 

Turn. Whau, I'st tell the moor o that eend 
neaw : b'o furst theaw mun know, that os I'r goo- 
ink toart whom os denawnheartit on mallancholy 
os a methodist ot thinks he's in pig of Owd Harry, 
o mon o'ertook meh riding o tit back on leeoding 
onother : thinks I t' meh sell, this is some Yorshar 
horse jockey ; I wou'd he'd le meh ride ; for theaw 
mun know I'r wofoo weak on waughish. This 
thought had hardly glentit thro' meh nob before 
ot felly sed, " Come, honesty, theaw looks os if to 
wur ill toy art, theawst ride o bit, into will." That's 
whot eh want, sed I, in ye pleeas'n, for I'm welly 
done. So loothe Meary I geet on; on I thought 
eh neer rid yeasier sin eh cou'd geet o hump- 
stridd'n o tit back. 

Mea. A good deed, Tummus; that wur no ill 
felly ; yoad'n ha no ill luck ot tis beawt e goddil. 

Turn. E, Meary, theaws een gext rank monny 
on mony o time, on neaw theaw p — sses by the 
bowogen; for I wou'd i'd ridden eawr Billy's 
hobby horse a howdey together estid o getting o 
this tit : for hark the meh, we'd naw ridd'n oboon 
five rood but felly asht meh heaw far I'r gooink 
that wey? Seys I, obeawt a mile on o hoave. 



THE INTERPRETATION. 73 

Mary. Eh dear! what a sort of a bout had you 
with him? 

Tho. Why, I'll tell you more of that just now: 
but first thou must know, that as I was going 
towards home as downhearted and melancholy as 
a methodist, who thinks he's in pig of Old Harry, a 
man overtook me riding on horseback and leading 
another ; thinks I to myself, this is some Yorkshire 
horse jockey; I would he'd let me ride: for thou 
must know I was sadly weak and faintish. This 
thought had hardly struck into my head before the 
fellow said, " Come honesty, thou looks as if thou 
was badly tired, thou may ride a bit if thou hast a 
mind." That's what I want, said I, if you please, 
for I am nearly done. So, look you, Mary, I got 
on; and I thought I never rid so easily since I 
could get a cross-stride a horseback. 

Mary. A good deed, Thomas ; that was no ill 
fellow; you'd have no ill luck at this turn however. 

Tho. Aye, Mary, thou'st even guessed wrong 
many and many a time, and now thou passes by the 
right again; for I would I had ridden our Billy's 
hobby horse a whole day together, instead of 
getting on this tit: for harkee me, we'd not rode 
above five roods but the fellow asked me how far 
I was going that way? Says I, about a mile and 



74 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

That's reet, seys he; there's on eleheawse just 
there obeawt; I'll ride ofore, on theaw mun come 
sawfly after , on I'll stey for the there. So he seet 
off like hey go mad ; boh I kept o foot's peese : 
for me tit swat on semm'd os toyart os I wur. 
Neaw loothe, Meary, after this I'd naw ridden 
mitch o boon hawfe o mile, boh I heard some fcok 
cummink after meh o gallop, o gallop, os if the 
deel had had halliday. Theyd'n hardly o'er ta'en 
meh, boh one on urn sweer by th' mass, this is my 
tit, on I'll heyt too, if Owd Nick ston not ith' gap. 
With that o lusty wither tyke pood eawt o think 
like o piece on o bassoon, on slapping meh oth' 
shilders weet, sed, " friend I'm o cunstoble, an 
yore my prisner." " The deel tey yer friendship, 
on constableship too," sed I ; " whot dunneh meeon 
mon? what mun I be prisner for?" " Yoan stown 
that tit," sed he, " on yoast good back wimmy be- 
fore o justice." " I stown nont ont'," sed I, " for 
I boh meet neaw gett'n ont, on o mon ots gallopt 
ofore, on whooa I took for th' owner, ga'meh leeof ; 
so whot bishan oather yo or th' justice weh meh! 
Stuff, stuff, meer balderdash, sed the cunstable. 



THE INTERPRETATION. 75 

a half. That's right, says he ; there's an alehouse 
just thereabouts; I'll ride on and thou must come 
softly after, and I will stay for thee there. So he 
set off like " hey go mad/' but I kept a footpace: 
for my tit sweat and seemed as tired as I was. 
Now look you, Mary, after this I hadn't rode above 
half a mile, but I heard some folks coming after 
me on the gallop o gallop, as if the devil had had 
holiday. They had hardly overtaken me, but one 
of them swore, by the mass, this is my horse, and 
I'll have her too, if Old Nick stands not in the 
gap. With that a lusty strong chap pulled out a 
thing like a piece of a bassoon, and clapping me 
on the shoulders with it, said, " friend I'm a con- 
stable, and you are my prisoner." The devil take 
your friendship and constableship, said I, what do 
you mean man, what must I be a prisoner for? 
" You have stolen that tit," said he, " and you 
must go back with me before the justice." I stole 
none of it, said 1, for I but just now light on it, 
and the man that is gallopped before, and who I 
took for the owner, gave me leave, therefore what 
business has either you or the justice with me?* 

* It is an extraordinary fact, that a similar trick with two 
bullocks was practised on a young man, near London, in the 
latter end of 1827, of the name of Gill, who was tried and 



76 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

Wi' that I leep off th' tit in a greyt hig, on sed, 
int be yoars tak't o, to the deel o ; for I know nowt 
ont, nor yo noather, not I. 



Mea. Weel actit Tummus ; that wur monfully 
sed, on done to, think I. 

Turn. Boh husht Meary, on theawst hear fur: 
" Cum, cum/' sed th' constable ; " that wiffo whaffo 
stuff winnow doo for me : for gooa yo boath mun 
on shan, oather be hook or crook." On wi' that 
he pood eawt some ir'n trinkums, ot rick t' like 
o parsil o cheeons. Weawns, thinks* I t' me sell, 
whot ar theese ? [n the bin shackils, J v ' o rere 
scroap indeed; I'm wur off neaw in e'er eh wur: 
Fst be hong'd, or some devilement ot tis very time. 
Fo be meh troth, Meary, I heated th' jingling of 
his thingumbobs os ill os if theaw or ony mon elze 
had bin ringing my passing bell. 

Mea. Good lorjus deys ! its not to tell heaw 
camm'd things con happ'n ! 

Turn. Heawe'er I mustert up my curridge, on 
sed, " Hark o', yo cunstable, put up thoose things 
ot rick'n so ; on inneh mun gooa, I will gooa, on 



THE INTERPRETATION. 77 

" Stuff, stuff, mere balderdash," said the constable. 
With that I leaped off the tit in a great passion, 
and said, " If it be yours take it you, to the devil 
if you will; for I know nought about it, nor ye nei- 
ther, not I." 

Mary. Well acted, Thomas; that was man- 
fully said and done too, I think. 

Tho. But hush, Mary, and thou'lt hear further. 
" Come, come," said the constable, " that shilly- 
shally stuff will not do for me ; for go you both must 
and shall, either by hook or by crook." And with 
that he pulled out some trinkums, that rattled like 
a parcel o** chains. Zounds, thinks I to myself, 
what are i* If they are shackles, I'm in a 
rare scrape indeed ; I'm worse off now than I ever 
was ; I shall be hanged, or some devilment, at this 
very time. For by my troth, Mary, I hated the 
very jingling of his thingembobs, as ill as if thou 
or any man else had been ringing my passing bell. 

Mary. Good Lord a days ! its not to tell how 
crooked things can happen ! 

Tho. However, I mustered up my courage, and 
said, " Hark ye, you constable, put up those 
things that rattle so ; and if I must go, I will go, 

condemned, but afterwards, upon a strong representation, 
reprieved. 



78 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

quietly too; for theaw knows ot force is meds'n 
for o mad-dog. 

Mea. Whoo-who., whoo-who, whoo ! why, 
TummuSj its meet neaw buzz'd into meh heeod 
ot tis seme horse-jockey had stown th' tit, on for 
fear o bene o'ertene geet yo t' ride t' seve his own 
beak'n, on so put Yorshar on ye o thiss'n. 

Turn. Why I think theaw guexes too o hure ; 
for he slipt th' rope fro obeawt his own neck on 
don'd it o mine, that's sarten. Heawe'r it mede 
pittifoo wark indeed, to be guardit be two men 
on o cunstable back ogen thro' Rachdaw, where 
I'd so letely lost meh bitch, on bin so very maw- 
kinly rowlt ith riggot ! Heaweer, theese cunstable 
fok wur meety meeverly on modest too to, on as 
mute os modywarps, for we geet thro' th' teawn 
weh very little glooaring on less pumping, on wur 
ot justices in a crack. 

Me a. E deer, Tummus, did naw a hawter run 
strawngely eh yer heeod ? for summot runs eh 
mine os int wur full o ropes on pully-beawls. 

Turn* Why loothe, Meary, I thought so pleaguy 
hard, ot I cou'd think o nothing at aw ; for se 
the meh, I'r freetn't aw macks o weys. Still, I'd 
one cumfort awlus popt up it heeod ; for thinks 



THE INTERPRETATION. <V 

and quietly too ; for thou know'st that force is 
medicine for a mad dog." 

Mary. Oh dear ! oh dear, dear ! why, Thomas, 
it's just now come into my head that this same 
horse-jockey had stolen the tit, and, for fear of 
being overtaken, got you to ride to save his own 
bacon, and so put Yorkshire on you in this man- 
ner. 

Tho. Why I think thou guesses to a hair ; for 
he slipped the rope from about his own neck and 
put it on mine, that's certain. However, it made 
pitiful work indeed, to be guarded by two men 
and a constable back again through Rochdale, 
where I had so lately lost my bitch and been 
so very dirtily rolled in the gutter! However, 
these constable folks were mighty genteel and 
modest too, and as mute as moles, for w r e got 
through the town, with very little staring, and less 
pumping, and were at the justice's in a crack. 

Mary. O dear, Thomas ! did not a halter run 
strangely in your head? for something runs in 
mine, as if it was full of ropes and pully-halls. 

Tho. Why look ye, Mary, I thought so plaguy 
hard that I could think of nothing at all ; for see 
thee me, I was frightened all sorts of ways. Still, 
I'd one comfort always popped in my head ; for 



80 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

I t'meh sell, I stown no horse, not I; on theaw 
knows ot truth on honesty gooink " hont eh 
hont," howd'n one onother's backs primely, on 
ston os stiff os o gablock. 

Mea. True, Tummus, theyre prime props at o 
pinch, that's sartin. Boh I yammer t' hear heaw 
things turn'd eawt ot eend of aw. 

Turn. Theaws no peshunce, Meary; boh howd 
te tung on theawst hear in o snift : for theaw mun 
know, ot tis some cunstable wur os preawd ot id 
tean poor Turn prisner, or if theaw'd tean o hare 
on had hur eh the appern meet neaw; boh th' 
gobbin ne'er considert o' honging would naw be 
cawd good spooart be ony body eh ther senses, 
on wer enough fort' edge o finer mon's teeth in 
mine. Heawe'er he knock os bowdly ot justice's 
dur, os if id ha dung it deawn. This fotcht o 
preaw'd gruff felly eawt, whooa put us int' a pleck 
we as money books an papers os a cart wou'd 
howd. To this mon (whooa I soon perceiv't wur 
th' dark) th' cunstable tow'd meh wofoo kese; 
an eh truth, Meary, Fr os gawmless os o goose, 
on began o whackering os if I'd stown o how 
draight o horses. Then this felly went eawt o 
bit, on with him coom the justice, whooa I glen- 
durt sooar, an thowt he favort owd John o' Dobs, 



THE INTERPRETATION. 81 

thinks I to myself, I've stolen no horse, not I ; and 
thou know'st, that truth and honesty, going " hand 
in hand," hold up one another's backs primely, 
and stand as stiff as an iron bar. 

Mary. True, Thomas, they're prime props at 
a pinch, that's certain. But I am anxious to hear 
how things turned out at the end of all. 

Tho. Thou'st no patience, Mary ; but hold thy 
tongue and thou'lt hear in a minute : for thou 
must know this same constable was as proud that 
he had taken poor Tom prisoner, as if thou'd 
taken a hare and had it in thy apron just now; 
but the blockhead never considered that hanging 
would not be called good sport by any body in 
their senses, and was enough for to edge a finer 
man's teeth than mine. However, he knocked as 
boldly at the justice's door as if he would have 
knocked it down. This fetched a proud, gruff 
fellow out, who put us into a place with as many 
books and papers as a cart would hold. To this 
man (who I soon perceived was the clerk) the con- 
stable told my woful case ; and in truth, Mary, I 
was as stupid as a goose, and began a-trembling 
as if I had stolen a whole draught of horses. Then 
this fellow went out a bit, and with him came the 
justice, whom I stared at sorely, and thought he 



82 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

whooa theaw knows awlus wears a breawnish 
white wig, ot hongs on his shilders like keaw-teals. 
" Well, Mr. Cunstable," sed justice, " whot han 
ye brought me neaw ?" " Why, pleeos yer wor- 
ship, ween meet neaw tean o horse-steyler, whooa 
wur meying off with titos hard os he cou'd." Od, 
thought I't meh seln, " neaw or never" Turn! 
speyke for the sell, or theawrt throttlt ot tis very 
beawt; so I speek up, an sed, " that's naw true, 
Mr. Justice : for I'r boh gooink ofoot's pese." 
" Umph," sed th' justice, " there's naw mitch dif- 
ference as to that point. Heawe'er, howd teaw 
the tung, yung mon, and speyk when the'rt spokk'n 
too. Well, theaw mon ith breawn cooat, theaw !" 
sed th' justice, " whot has theaw to sey ogen this 
felly here ? Is this tit thy tit, seys to ?" " It is, 
sur." " Here dark, bring's that book, on lets 
swear him." Here th' justice sed o nominy to 'im, 
on towd 'im he munt tey kere o whot eh sed, or he 
moot as helt be foresworn, or hong that yeawth 
there. " Well, on theaw seys ot tis tit's thy tit, 
is it?" " It is, pleeos yer worship." " On where 
had teaw him, seys to ?" " I bred im, sur." " E 
whot country?" " Cown-edge, sur." " On when 
wur he stown, seys to?" " Last dey boh yuster- 
day, abeawt three o' clock ith oandurth : for eawr 



THE INTERPRETATION, 83 

favoured old John at Dobb's, who thou know'st 
always wears a brownish white wig, that hangs on 
his shoulders like cow-tails. " Well, Mr. Con- 
stable," said the justice, " what have you brought 
me now?" " Why, please your worship, we've 
just now taken a horse-stealer, who was making 
off with a tit as hard as he could." Odd, thought 
I to myself, " now or never" Tom ! speak for thy- 
self, or thou It be throttled at this very bout ; so I 
spake up, and said, " That's not true, Mr. Jus- 
tice ; for I was but going at a foot's pace." 
" Humph," said the justice, " there's not much 
difference as to that point. However, hold thee 
thy tongue, young man, and speak when thou'rt 
spoken to. Well, thou man in the brown coat, 
thou!" said the justice, " what hast thou to say 
against this fellow here ? Is this tit thy tit, say'st 
thou ?" " It is, sir." " Here clerk, bring us that 
book, and let us swear him." Here the justice 
said a rigmarole to him, and told him he must take 
care what he said or he might as likely be for- 
sworn, and hang that youth there. " Well, and 
thou say'st that this tit is thy tit, is it?" " It is, 
I please your worship." " And where hadst thou 
ft him, say'st thou?" " I bred him, sir." " In what 
^country?" " Coin-edge, sir." " And when was 

m g2 



84 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

Yem saigh 'im abeawt two, on we mist 'im obeawt 
four o'clock." " On fro Cown-edge, theaw seys?" 
" Yus, sur." Then the justice turn'd im to me, 
on sed, " Is aw tis true ot this man seys, hears to 
meh? " It is," sed I, part on't; on part on't is 
naw: for I did naw steyl this tit: nor ist oboon 
two eawrs sin furst time ot eh brad meh e'n on im." 
" Heaw coom theaw't be riding owey wi' im then, 
if theaw did naw steyl im?" " Why, o good deed, 
sur; os I'r goink toart whom to dey, o felly weh o 
little reawnd hat, on o scrunt wig, cullur o yoars, 
welly, boh shorter, o'ertook meh ; he wur riding o 
one tit on lad another. Neaw this mon seeink I'r 
toyart, becose I went wigglety-wagglety ith' lone, 
he offer't meh his lad tit t' ride on. I'r fene oth' 
proffer, beleemy, on geet on: boh he rid off, whip 
on spur, tho he cou'd hardly mey th' tit keawnter, 
on wou'd stey on meh ot on eleheawse ith' road. 
Naw, measter justice, I'd naw gon three-quarters 
on o mile boh theese fok o'ertean meh; towd meh 
I'd stown th' tit, on neaw han brought meh hither, 
os in I'r o ( Yorshar horse-steyler.' On this is 
aw true, master justice, or mey I ne'er gut' on ill 
pleck when eh dee." 



THE INTERPRETATION. 85 

he stolen, sayest thou?" " Last day but yester- 
day, about three o'clock in the afternoon; for our 
Jem saw him about two, and we miss'd him about 
four o'clock." " And from Coln-edge # thou says?" 
" Yes, sir." Then the justice turned him to me 
and said, " Is all this true that this man says, hears 
thou me?" " It is," said I, " part of it, and part 
of it is not: for I did not steal the tit; nor is it 
above two hours since the first time I ever clapped 
my eyes on it." " How came thou to be riding 
away with him then, if thou did not steal him?" 
" Why ! in good deed, sir, as I was going towards 
home to-day, a fellow with a little round hat, and 
a besom wig, the colour of yours, nearly, but 
shorter, overtook me; he was riding on one tit 
and led another. Now this man seeing I was 
tired, because I went ' wigglety-wagglety' in the 
lane, he offered me his led tit to ride on. I was 
glad of the offer, believe me, and got on : but he 
rode off ' whip and spur,' though he could hardly 
make the tit canter, and said he would stay for me 
at an alehouse on the road. Now, master justice, 
I had not gone three-quarters of a mile, but these 
folks overtook me ; told me I had stolen the tit, and 
now have brought me hither as if I was a ' York- 
shire horse-stealer.' And this is all true, master 
* Near Pendle-hill, Lancashire. 



86 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 



Mea. Primely spok'n efeath, Tummus! yomeet 
" shad'n Wrynot" eh tellink this tele, think I; 
whot sed th' justice then? 

Turn. Whau, he sed, " hears to me ogen, theaw 
yungster ; tell meh where theaw wur t' tother dey 
boh yusterday, especially ith' oandurth, will to?" 
" Whau," sed I, " I seet eawt fro whoam soon ith' 
yoandurth wi' o keaw on a kawve for Ratchdaw ; 
meh kawve wur kilt ith' lone, with o tit coak'n os 
he coom ; on ith' oandurth Fr aw up on deawn eh 
this neighbourhood, dooink meh best t' sell meh 
bitch ot fok caw'dn o bandyhewit, t' see if he cou'd 
mey th' kawve-money up for me measter: but waes 
jme, e'ery-body wur gett'n fittut with um ! So I'r 
kest into th' dark, on force 't stey ot Littlebrough 
aw neet." " On where wur to yusterday/' sed 
justice? "Wheau," sed I, " I maundert up on 
deawn hereobeawt ogen, oth' seme sleeveless arnt, 
on wur forc't harbour awth' last neet in o barn 
where boggarts swarm'n (Lord bless us) on breed'n, 
I believe ; for oytch body seys its never beawt um ; 
on to dey os I'r gooink whom I leet o this felly ot 
I took for a horse-jockey, on so wur tean up be 
theese fok for a tit-steyler." " Boh hark the meh, 



THE INTERPRETATION. 87 

justice, or may I never go to an ill place when I 
die." 

Mary. Primely spoken in faith, Thomas, you 
might " out shadow Wrynot" # in telling this tale, 
think; but what said the justice then? 

Tko. Why, he said, " hear thou me again, thou 
youngster ! tell me where thou was the other day 
but yesterday, especially in the afternoon, wilt 
thou?" "Why," said I, "I set out from home 
soon after morning with a cow and a calf for Roch- 
dale ; my calf was killed in the lane with a tit's 
kicking, as I came ; in the afternoon I was up and 
down in this neighbourhood, doing my best to sell 
my bitch that the folks called a bandykewit, to see 
if I could make the calf money up for my master : 
but woe's me, every body had got supplied with 
them ! Sol was cast in the dark, and forced to 
stay at Littleborough all night." " And where 
was thou yesterday," said the justice? " Why," 
said I, " I wandered up and down here again on 
the same sleeveless errand, and was forced to 
shelter all last night in a barn where ghosts swarm 
(Lord bless us) and breed too, I believe, for each 
body says its never without them ; and to-day as 
I was going home I lighted on this fellow, that I 
took for a horse jockey, and so was taken up by 
* A vulgar, cant term. Vide Glossary. 



88 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

theaw prisoner," sed th' justice, " wur naw theaw 
here tother dey boh yusterday wi' the dog, pre- 
thee?" " I wur, sur ; boh yoad'n naw buy hur, for 
yoarn fittut too." " Whot time oth' dey moot it 
be, thinks to?" " Between three on four o'clock," 
sed I. " Beleemy mon, I think theaw'rt oather 
greeave or greeaveby," sed he. " Here, yo master 
cunstable, follow me." Neaw, Meary, whot dust 
think? boh while theese two wur eawt o bit, this 
teastril, this tyke of o dark, caw'd me aside an 
proffert bring meh clear off for have o ginney. 
Seys I, " mon, if I knew a hawter munt mey meh 
neck os lung os o gonner neck to morn, I cou'd 
naw rease hoave a ginney! for hong'd or naw 
hong'd I ha' naw one hawp'ney t' seve meh neck 
wi." " Boh," seys he, " wilt gi' the note for't?" 
" I'll gi' no notes, not I; for I'd os good t' be 
hong'd for this job, ost steyl on be hong'd for 
that; on I no other wey t' rease it boh steyling ot 
I know on." 

Mea. Good Lord o marcy! moor rogues on 
moor! neaw awt upo' aw sitch teastrils for ever on 
o dey lunger, sey I. 

Turn. Hustt, hustt, Meary; for neaw th' justice 
an th' cunstable coom in. 



THE INTERPRETATION. 89 

these folks for a tit stealer." " But, harkye me, 
thou prisoner!" said the justice, " was not thou 
here the other day but yesterday with thy dog, 
prithee?" " I was, sir, but you would not buy 
her, for you was fitted too." " What time of the 
day do you think it might be, think you?" " Be- 
tween three and four o'clock," said I. " Believe 
me man I think thou rt there or thereabout," said 
he. " Here you master constable, follow me." 
Now, Mary, what do you think? but while those 
two were out a bit, this cunning rogue, this tyke 
of a clerk, called me on one side, and proffered 
to bring me clear off for half a guinea. Says I, 
" man, if I knew a halter must make my neck as 
long as a gander's neck to-morrow morning, I 
could not raise half a guinea ! for hanged or not 
hanged I have not one halfpenny to save my neck 
with." " But," says he, " will you give your note 
for it?" " I'll give no note, not I; for I'd as good 
be hanged for this job, as steal to be hanged for 
that, and I have no other way of raising it but 
stealing as I know of." 

Mary. Good lord have mercy! more rogues 
and more ; now out upon all such cunning chaps 
for ever and a day longer, say I. 

Tho. Husht! husht! Mary, for now the consta- 
ble and justice came in. 



90 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

Mea. E law, I'll be hong'd meh seln if he dun- 
naw dither for fear: boh go forrud, Tummus* 

Turn. Why, th' justice after rubbing his broo 
on droying his fease deawn, sed, " here, yo measter 
cunstable, on yo fellow ot owns this tit, I mun tell 
ye, that yore booath ith' rang box, an han gett'n 
th' rang soo by th' yeer; for this youngster here 
cou'd naw steyl this tit th* last oandurth boh one, 
for between three on four o'clock that dey I seed 
him here me sell, on yo sen this tit wur stown 
fro' Cown-edge obeawt that time ; neaw he cou'd 
naw bee eh two plecks ot one time, yo known. So 
hears to meh, yung mon, I mun quit thee as to this 
job; so go the wey whoam, on be onnest." " I 
will," sed I, u on thonks, measter justice, for yoan 
pood truth eawt on o durty pleck ot lunglength." 
So I mede im o low bow, on a greyt scroap weh 
meh shoough, on coom mey wey. 

Mea. Brevely cumn off Turn! eigh, on merrily 
too, I'll uphowd o\ Neaw een God bless aw 
honest justices, sey I. 

Turn. Eigh, eigh; on so sey I too: for I'd good 
luck ot heel of aw, or Turn had naw bin here t'a 
towd teh this tele. Boh yet, Meary, I think eh 
meh guts ot teers meawse-neezes omung some on 
um, os weel os omung other fok ; or why shou'd tis 



THE INTERPRETATION. 91 

Mary. Eh law ! I'll be hanged myself if I do 
not quake for fear; but go forward Thomas. 

Tko. Why, the justice, after rubbing his brow 
and drawing his face down, said, " Hear, you mas- 
ter constable, and you fellow that owns this tit, 
I must tell you, you're both in the wrong box, and 
have got the wrong sow by the ear ; for this young- 
ster here could not steal this tit the last afternoon 
but one ; for between three and four o'clock that 
day I saw him here myself, and you say this horse 
was stolen from Coin-edge about that time ; now 
he could not be at two places at one time, you 
know. So harkye me, young man, I must acquit 
thee as to this job; so go thy ways home, and be 
honest." " I will/' said I, " and thanks master 
justice, for you've pulled truth out of a dirty place 
at long-length." So I made him a low bow, and 
a great scrape with my shoe, and came away. 

Mary. Bravely come off, Tom, aye, and merrily 
too, I'll uphold you. Now e'en God bless all 
honest justices, say I. 

Tho. Aye, aye, and so say I too, for I had good 
luck at the heel of all, or Tom had not been here 
to have told this tale. But yet, Mary, I think in 
my guts, there's mouses' nests, or knavish tricks 
among some of them, as well as other folk ; or why 



92 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT, 

seme dark o his, when he perceiv't I'r innocent, 
proffert bring meh off for hawve o ginney? Had 
naw this o strung savor of fere cheeoting; ne 
deawn-reet nipping o poor fok ? On does teaw 
think ot tees justices do naw know, when these 
tykes plene o hundurt wur tricks thin this in o 
yeer? Beside, Meary, I hard that fawse felly 
Dick o' Yems o owd Harry s sey, ot he kneaw 
some on um ot went snips wi theese catterpillars 
their clarks : on if so, shou'd they naw be hugg'd 
oth' seme back, on scutcht with' seme rod wi'ther 
clarks, hears to me? 

Mea, Now, now, not tey marry; for if sitch 
things munt be done greadly, on os teh aught to 
bee, th' bigger rascot shou'd ha' th' bigger smacks, 
on moor on um, yo known, Tummus. Boh greyt 
fok oft dun who te win wi' littleons, reet or rank, 
whot kere'n they. So let's leeof sitch to mend 
when the con hit on't: on neaw tell meh heaw ye 
went'n on wither measter? 

Turn. Eigh by th' miss, Meary, I'd freeot'n that ! 
Why then theaw mun know, eh sitch o kese os tat 
I'd no skuse to mey, for I towd im heawth' kawve 
wur kilt ith' lone : on ot I'd sowd the hoyde for 
throtteen-pence. On then, I cou'd tell im no 
moor, for he nipt up the deashon, ot stoode oth' 



THE INTERPRETATION. 93 

should this same clerk of his, when he perceived I 
was innocent, proffer to bring me off for half a 
guinea? Had not this a strong savour of fair 
cheating; nay, downright biting of poor folk? 
And dost thou think that justices do not know 
when these tykes play a hundred worse tricks than 
this in the year? Besides, Mary, I heard that 
false fellow Dick o 'Jem's at old Harry's say, that 
he knew some of them that went snacks with these 
caterpillars, their clerks: and if so, should they 
not be horsed on the same back and whipt with 
the same rod as their clerks ; hears thou me? 

Mary. No, no, not they marry: for if such 
things must be done correctly, and as they ought 
to be, the bigger rogues should have the heavier 
smacks and more of them, ye know, Thomas. But 
great folks often do what they will, with little ones, 
right or wrong, what care they. So let's leave 
such to mend when they can hit upon it: and now 
tell me, how you went on with your master? 

Tho. Aye, by the mass, Mary, I'd forgotten 
that! Why then thou must know, in such a case 
as that I had no excuse to make, so I told him 
how the calf was killed in the lane; and that I 
had sold the hide for thirteenpence, and then I 
could tell him no more ; for he snatched up the 



94 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

harstone, on whirld it at meh: boll estid o hitting 
me, it hit th' reeam-mug ot stoode oth' hob; on 
keyvt awth reeam into th' foyar : then th' battril 
coom, on whether it lawmt th' barn ot wur ith' 
keather I know naw, for I laft it rooaring on bell- 
ing; so os I'r scamp'ring awey, eaw'r Seroh asht 
meh " where e wou'd gooa?" I towd'r " ot 
Nicko oth' farmer's greyt leath wur next, an I'd 
go thither." 

Mea. Of awth' spots ith' ward, there wou'd not 
I ha com'n for a yepsintle a ginneys. 

Turn. I geawse theaw meeons beeose fok sen 
boggarts awlus hawntit it: boh theaw knows I'r 
wickitly knockt up, and force is meds'n for a mad 
dog, os I tt)wd te afore. 

Mea. It matters naw; it wou'd never ha sunk'n 
into me ta harbort there. 



THE INTERPRETATION. 95 

poker that stood on the hearth stone, and whirled 
it at me : but instead of hitting me it hit the cream- 
mug that stood on the hob of the grate, and turned 
all the cream into the fire : then the batting staff 
came, and whether it lamed the child that was in 
the cradle I know not, for I left it roaring and bel- 
lowing; so as I was scampering away Sarah asked 
me, "where I would go?" I told her " that old 
Nick's, in the farmer's great barn was the next 
place, and I would go thither." 

Mary. Of all the spots in the world, there would 
not I have gone, not for two heaped handfuls of 
guineas ! 

Tho. I guess thou means because folks say 
ghosts always haunt it: but thou knows I was 
wickedly knocked up, and force is medicine for a 
mad dog, as I told thee before. 

Mary. It matters not; it would never have sunk 
into me to have harboured there. 



( 96 ) 



SCENE VII. 
Td as leeven be kilt, asjreefnd to deeoth ! 

Tummus and Meary. 

Turn. Well, but I went; an just as I'r gett'n 
to th' leath dur, whooa shou'd e meet boh Yed 
o' Jeremy's, their new mon. 

Mea. That leet weel ; for Yed's as greadly o 
lad as needs t' knep oth' hem of a keke. 

Turn. True ; so I towd im meh kese e shtxrt, an 
sooary he lookt too-to. " I wish e durst let te lye 
we me," sed he; " but as I boh coom to wun 
here this dey sennit, I dare naw venter : but I'll 
shew thee a prime mough o hey, an theaw mey do 
meeterly frowt I know." " Thattle doo," sed I, 
66 shew it me, for I'm stark an ill done." So while 
he'ur shewing it me with scoance, he sed, " I sum- 
mot tell the Turn, boh I'm loath!" " Theaw 
meeons obeawt boggarts," sed I, u but I'm lik't 



( 97 ) 



SCENE VII. 

I'd as soon be killed, as frightened to death/ 

Thomas and Mary. 

Tho. Well, but I went; and just as I was 
getting into the barn door, who should I meet but 
Ned at Jeremy's, their new man ! 

Mary. That lighted well ; for Ned's as hand- 
some a lad as needs to bite at the edge of a wed- 
ding cake. 

Tho. True; so I told him my case in short, 
and sorry he looked to know it. "I wish I durst 
let thee lay with me," said he; " but as I but 
come to live here this day se'night, I dare not ven- 
ture : but I'll show thee a prime mow of hay, and 
thou may'st do worse for ought I know." " That 
will do," said I, " show it me, for I'm stiff and 
badly tired." So while he was showing it me 
with the lanthorn, he said, " I've somewhat to tell 
thee, Tom, but I'm loath !" " Thou mean'st about 

H 



98 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

venter." " Theaws meet hit it," sed he; " an I 
con tell the, I cou'd like meh pleck primely but 
for that : heawe'er as th' tits mun eawt very yarly, 
I mun provon um o beawt one o'clock, an I'll 
eawt, see heaw tha goes on." " 'Sblid," sed I, 
" if theaw mun eawt so yarly, I'll fodder an pro- 
ven the tits for the, an theaw mey sleep, intle ley 
th' proven ready." Then he shew'd me heaw th' 
mough wur cut with a hey-knife, hawve wey 
deawn like a great step, on that I moot come off 
yeasily o that side : so we bid t'one t'other good 
neet. I'r boh meet sattlt when eh heard summot 
ith' leath. Good-lorjus, Meary, meh flesh crept 
o meh booans, on meh yeears crackt ogen weh 
hark'ning ! Presently I heard somebody caw 
sawfly, " Tummus ! Tummus ! Tummus!" I 
knew th' voice, an sed, " Whooas tat tee Seroh?" 
" Eigh," sed hoo, " an I stown a lyte wetur- 
podditch, an some thrutchings, and a treacle- 
butter-keke, if eh con eyght um." " Fear me 
not," sed I, " for I'm as hongry as a rott'n." 
" Whau mitch-go-deet o with um," sed hoo ; " an 
yo mey come on begin, for they need'n no keel- 
ing." Neaw I'r e sitch o flunter e getting to th' 
wark, ot I'd freeat'n th' spot ot Yet towd me on ; 
so I feell deawn off th' heest side oth' mough, and 



THE INTERPRETATION. 99 

ghosts," said I, " but I'm like to venture." 
" Thou'st just hit it/' said he; " and I can tell 
thee I could like my place primely but for that : 
however, as the horses must be out very early, 
I must provender them about one o'clock, and I'll 
call and see how thou goes on." " 'Sblood," says 
I, " if thou must out so early, I'll fodder and pro- 
vender the tits for thee, and thou may'st sleep, if 
thou'lt lay the provender ready." Then he 
showed me how the mow was cut by a hay-knife, 
half-way down like a great step, and that I might 
come off easily on that side : so we bid one another 
" good night." I'd but just settled myself, when 
I heard something in the barn ! Good gracious, 
Mary, my flesh crept on my bones, my ears 
cracked again with hearkening! Presently I 
heard somebody call softly, " Thomas! Thomas! 
Thomas !" I knew the voice, and said, " Who's 
that ? thee Sarah?" " Ay," said she ; " and I've 
stolen a light water-porridge, and some whey 
custard, and a treacle butter-cake, if thou can'st 
eat them." " Fear me not," said I, " for I'm as 
hungry as a rat." " Why much good may do you 
with them," said she ; " and you may come and 
begin, for they need no cooling." Now I was in 
such a fluster to get to the work, that I'd forgotten 

h2 



100 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

sitch a floose o hey follut me, ot it driv meh shiar 
deawn, an Seroh with meyt inner hont, o top o me, 
an quite hill'd us booath. 



Mea. Cotsflesh, this wur a nice trick oth' bookth 
on't, wur it naw ? 

Turn. Eigh, sot' wur; boh it leet weell atth' 
podditch wur naw scawding ; for when we'd n 
mede shift to heyve an creep fro underth' hey, 
some oth podditch I fund had dawbt' up tone o 
meh neen ; thrutchings wur'n shed oth weastbant 
o meh breeches, an th' treacle butter-keke stickt 
to Seroh's brat. Heawe'er, weh scrawming abeawt 
ith dark, we geete up whot we cou'd, an I eet it 
snap ; for beleemy, Meary, Fr so keen bitt'n I mede 
tio bawks at o heyseed. So while Fr busy cadg- 
ing mey wem, hoo tow'd me hoo lipp'nt hur fea- 
ther wur turn'd strackling, an if I went whom 
agen Fst be e dawnger o being breant : that me 
deme wou'd ha me t' run, for I shou'd be lose ot 
Feersuns-een, on it matter't naw mitch. I thowt 
this wur good keawsil, so I geet Seroh t' fotch me 
meh tother sark : hoo did so, an I thankt 'ur, bid 
farewell, an so we partit. I soon sattlt meh sell 
ith mough under a floose o hey, an slept so weel 






THE INTERPRETATION. 101 

the spot that Ned told me of; so I fell down on 
the east side of the mow, and such a wisp of hay 
followed me, that it drove me straight down on 
Sarah with the meat in her hand, on the top of 
me, and fairly covered us both. 

Mary. 'Sflesh, but this was a nice trick in the 
bulk of the hay, wasn't it ? 

Tho. Ay, so it was ; but it happened well that 
the porridge wasn't scalding ; for when we'd made 
shift to heave and creep from under the hay, some 
of the porridge I found had daubed up to my 
eyes, the whey was shed over my breeches, and 
the treacle butter-cake stuck to Sarah's brat. 
However, with scrambling about in the dark, we 
got up what we could, and I eat it quickly; for 
believe me, Mary, I was so sharp set I made no 
hesitation at a hay-seed. So whilst I was busy 
stuffing my guts, she told me how she expected 
her father was turned mad, and if I went home 
again I should be in danger of being burnt ; that 
my mistress would have me to run, for that I 
should have served my time out at Shrovetide, and 
that it mattered not much. I thought this was 
good counsel, so I got Sarah to fetch me my other 
shirt : she did so, and I thanked her, bid farewell, 
and so we parted. I soon settled myself in the 



102 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

ot when e wack'nt I'r feerd ot I'd o'er sleept me 
sell, on cou'd naw provon th' tits e' time. 



Mea. It wur weel for yo ot e cou'd'n sleep at 
aw, for I'st ne'er ha lede meh een t'gether I'm 
shure. 

Turn, Whau, but I startit up to go to th' tits, 
and slurr'd deawn to th' lower part oth mough ; 
and by the maskins-lord, whot dust to think ? — 
boh I leet hump stridd'n up o summot ot feld 
meety hewry, an it startit up weh me on its back, 
(Meary much freetertd here,) deawn th' lower 
part oth' heymugh it jumpt ; crost t'leath ; eawt 
oth dur wimmy it took ; an into th' watering-poo, 
as if the deel o hell had driv'n it ! there it threw 
me in, or I feel off, I connaw tell whether for th' 
life on meh. 

Mea. Whoo-who, whoo-who, whoo ! whot ith' 
name o God winneh sey ! 

Turn. Sey! — why I sey, true as t' gospil ; an I'r 
so freetn't, I wur war set to get eawt (if possible) 
in e wur when Nip an me fell off th' bridge. 

Mea. I never heard sitch teles sin meh neme 
wur Mall, nor no mon elze, think I ! 



THE INTERPRETATION. 103 

mow under a shock of hay, and slept so well, that 
when I awakened I was afraid I had overslept 
myself, and could not provender the beasts in 
time. 

Mary. It was well for you, you could sleep at 
all, for I should never have laid my eyes together, 
I'm sure. 

Tho. Well, but I started up to go to the tits, 
and slided down to the lower part of the mow ; 
and by the mass, what dost thou think ? — but I 
fell astride with my legs on something that felt 
mighty hairy, and it started up with me on its 
back, (Mary much agitated here>) down the lower 
part of the hay-mow it jumped; cross the barn; 
out of the door with me it took ; and into the 
watering pool it took me, as if the devil in h — had 
driven it ! there it threw me in, or I fell off, I can- 
not tell which for the life of me. 

Mary. Oh 1 oh ! oh ! oh ! what in the name of 
goodness will you say ! 

Tho. Say ! — why I say, it's true as the Gospel ; 
and I was so frightened that I was worse puzzled 
to get out (if possible) than I was when Nip and 
me fell off the bridge. 

Mary. I never heard such tales since my name 
was Mary, nor no one else, think I ! 



104 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

Turn. Teles ! — udds bud, tak um awt gether an 
theyd'n welly mey a mont ston oth' wrang eend. 

Mea. Well ! but wur it Owd Nick, think'n eh, 
or it wur naw ? 

Turn. I bete to tawk on't, wilt howd te tung? 
but if it wur naw Owd Nick, he wur th' orderer 
on't to be shure ! 

Mea. Why, Tummus, pre'o' whot wur it ? 

Turn. Blees meh, Meary! theawrt so yearnstful 
ot teaw'U naw let meh tell meh tele. Why, I did 
naw know me sell whot it wur of an eawr, if eh 
know yet ! 

Mea. Well, boh heaw went'n yo on then? 

Turn. Whau, weh mitch powlering I geete eawt 
oth' poo ; an be meh troth, lieve meh as to list, I 
cou'd naw tell whether I'r in a sleawm or wak'n, 
till eh groapt at meh neen : an us I'r resolv'd to 
come no moor ith' leath, I crope under a wough, 
and stbode like a gawmbling, or a perfect neatril, 
till welly dey; an just then Ned coom. 

Mea. That wur passing weel, considering th' 
kese or yoar'n in. 

Turn. True, lass ; for I think Fr never feaner 
t' see nobody sin I'r kersunt. 



THE INTERPRETATION. 105 

Tho. Tales! — odds bobs! take 'em altogether 
and they would nearly make a man stand on the 
wrong end. 

Mary. Well ! but was it Old Nick, think you, 
or was it not ? 

Tho. I hate to talk of it; wilt thou hold thy 
tongue ? But if it was not Old Nick, he had the 
ordering of it to be sure ! 

Mary. Why, Thomas, prithee what was it ? 

Tho. Bless me, Mary, thou'rt so anxious that 
thou'lt not let me tell my tale. Why I did not 
know myself what it was for an hour, if I know 
yet! 

Mary. Well, but how went you on then ? 

Tho. Well, with much struggling I got out of 
the pool ; and by my troth, believe me as you like, 
I could not tell whether I was in a dream or 
awake, till I felt at my eyes : and as I was re- 
solved to go no more into the barn, I crept under 
the wall and stood like a trembling fool, or a per- 
fect natural, till near day ; and just then Ned 
came. 

Mary. That was passing well, considering the 
case that you were in. 

Tho. True, lass ; for I think I had never more 
pleasure in seeing anybody since I was christened. 



106 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

Mea. WhotsedYed? 

Turn. Why, he heeve up his honds, an he 
blest, an he prey'd, an mede sitch marlocks, that 
if I'd naw bin eh that wofo pickle, I'st a bross'n 
weh leawghing. Then he asht meh heaw I coom 
t' be so weet ? and why e stoode teer ? an sitch 
like. I towd him I cou'd gi no okeawnt o meh 
sell ; boh that Fr carrit eawt oth' leath be Owd 
Nick, as I thowt ! 

Mea. I'd awlus a notion whot it wou'd prove 
ith' heel of aw ! 

Turn. Pre'the howd te hung a bit, — theaw puts 
me eawt. I towd im I thowt it wur Owd Nick; 
for it wur vast strung, very hewry, and meety 
swift ! 

Mea. E, what a greyt marcy it is yore where 
ye ar, Tummus ! 

Turn. Eigh, Meary, so't is ; for it's moor in I 
expectit. Boh theawst hear. Yed wur so flay'd 
weh that bit at I'd towd im, ot he geete meh by 
th' hont an sed, " Come, Tummus ! let's flit fro 
this pleck ; for my part I'll naw stey one minnit 
lenger." Sed I, " Iftle fotch me sark eawt oth* 
leath, I'll geaw with the." " Ney !" sed he, " that 
I'll never do, while my nemes Yed !" " Whau,' 
sed I, " then I'm like to goa beawt it!" " Dun- 



THE INTERPRETATION. 107 

Mary. What said Ned ? 

Tho. Why, he hove up his hands, and he blest 
himself, and he prayed, and he made such antics, 
that if I had not been in that woful pickle, I 
should have burst with laughing. Then he asked 
how I came to be so wet ? and why I stood there ? 
and such like. I told him I could give no account 
of myself; but that I was carried out of the barn 
by Old Nick, as I thought ! 

Mary. I had always a notion it would prove so, 
in the end of all ! 

Tho. Prithee hold thy tongue a bit, — thou puts 
me out. I told him I thought it was Old Nick ; 
for it was vastly strong, very hairy, and mighty 
swift ! 

Mary. What a great mercy it is you are where 
you are, Thomas ! 

Tho. Ay, Mary, so it is ; for its more than I 
expected. But thou'lt hear. Ned was so cut up 
with that bit that I told him, that he got me by 
the hand, and said, " Come, Thomas ! let's fly 
from this place; for my part I'll not stay one 
minute longer." Said I, " If you'll fetch my shirt 
out of the barn, I'll go with thee." " Nay!" said 
he, " that I'll never do, while my name's Ned!" 
" Well," said I, " then I'm like to go without it!"' 



108 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

naw trouble the nob abeawt tat ; I two o whoam, 
an I'll gi' the th' tone ; come, let's get off," sed 
he. So were'n marching awey ; but, before wed'n 
gon five rood, I seed summut an seete up a greyt 
reeok, (for I thowt I'd seen Nick agen, Lord 
bless us!) Seys Yed, " Whot ar to breed we 
neaw, Tummus?" I pointit th' finger, an sed, 
"Isnawtattedule?" " Which ?" sed he. "That, 
under th' hedge," sed I. " Now, now, naw hit ; 
that's eawer yung cowt ot lies reawt," sed Yed. 
" The dickons it is !" sed I; " boh I think e meh 
guts ot that carrit me eawt oth leath!" Then 
Yed axt meh if th' dur wur opp'n ; I towd im I 
thought it wur. " But I'm shure I toynt it," sed 
Yed. " That moot be," sed I ; " for after theaw 
laft me, eawr Seroh browt me meh supper an hoo 
moot leeave it opp'n." " By th' miss!" sed Yed, 
" if so, Turn, this very cowt'ill prove th' boggart ! 
Let's into the leath an see, for it's naw so dark 
as't wur." " With aw meh heart," sed I; " boh 
let's stick toth' tone tother's hond then." A 
thiss'n we went into th' leath ; and by meh truth, 
Meary, I know naw whot think; there wur a yep- 
sintle a cowt tooarts upoth' lower part oth' hey- 
mough, an th' pleck where it had lyen, as plene as 
a pike-staff. But still, ift' wur hit ot carrit meh, 




FT V " 



THE INTERPRETATION. 109 

" Do not trouble thy head about that; I've two 
at home, and I'll give thee one ; come, let us be 
off," said he. So we were marching away, but, 
before we had got five roods, I saw something, 
and set up a great shriek, (for I thought I had 
seen Old Nick again, Lord bless us !) Says Ned, 
" What art thou in egg with now, Thomas?" I 
pointed my finger, and said, " Is not that the 
devil?" " Which?" said he. " That, under the 
hedge," said I. " No, no, not it; that's our young 
colt, that lays out," said Ned. " The deuce it 
is !" said I ; " but I think in my guts, it was that 
which carried me out of the barn." Then Ned 
asked me if the door was open; I told him I 
thought it was. " But I'm sure I closed it," 
said Ned. " That might be," said I ; " for 
after thou left me, our Sarah brought me my 
supper, and she might leave it open." " By 
the mass !" said Ned, " if so, Tom, this very colt 
will prove to be the ghost ! Let's into the barn 
and see, for it's not so dark as it was." " With 
all my heart," said I. On this we went into the 
barn ; and by my troth, Mary, I know not what to 
think ; there was two handfulls of colt's dung upon 
the lower part of the hay-mow, and the place 
where it had laid as plain as a pike-staff. But still, 
if it was it that carried me, I marvel how I could 



110 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

I marvil heaw I cou'd stick on so lung, it wur eh 
sitch a hurry to get awey ! 

Mea. Whot te firrups! it signifies nowt, for 
whether ye stickt on, or feel off, I find that eawr 
Owd Nick wur th' cowt at lies reawt. 

Turn. Whau, I connaw sey a deeol abeawt it, 
it looks likely, as teaw seys : but if this wur not a 
boggart, I think there never wur none, if teyd'n 
bin reetly sifted into. 

Mea. Marry, I'm mitch eh yore mind, 4 — but 
hark ye, did neh leet o' yer sark? 

Turn. Eigh, eigh ; I height eh meh pocket, se 
the, for its boh meet neaw at eh took me leave 
o Yed, on neaw theaw sees I'm running meh 
country. 

Mea. On whot dunneh think t' doo? 

Turn. I think t' be an ostler; for I con mex'n, 
keem, on fettle tits, os weel os onny one on um 
aw, tho' theaw mey think its gawstring. 

Mea. Ney, I con believe o' E law, whot o 

cank han we had ! I mennaw eem t' stey onney 
lunger. God be with o ; for I mun owey. 

Turn. Howd: — Ney, Meary, le meh ha one 
smeawtch ot parting, for theaw'rt none sich o feaw 
whean nother. 

Mea. Ney,— neaw, — so, Tummus, — go teaw on 
slaver Seroh o'Ratchot's in ye bin so kipper. 



THE INTERPRETATION. Ill 

stick on so long, it was in such a hurry to get 
away ! 

Mary. What the deuce! it signifies nought, 
for whether you stuck on, or fell off, I find that 
our Old Nick was the colt that lies out. 

Tho. Why I cannot say a deal about it; it does 
look likely, as thou says: but if this was not a 
sprite, I think there never was none, if they had 
been rightly sifted into. 

Mary. Marry, I'm much of your mind, but 
hark ye, did you not light of your shirt? 

Tho. Ay, Ay; I have it in my pocket, look 
thee, for it's but just now I took my leave of Ned, 
and now thou sees I'm running my country. 

Mary. And what do you think to do? 

Tho. I think to be an ostler, for I can mixen, 
comb and dress horses, as well as any of them all, 
although thou may think it's boasting. 

Mary. Nay, I can believe you — Eh law, what 
a talk we have had, I have not time to stay any 
longer. God be with you ; for I must away. 

Tho. Hold! Pray, Mary, let me have one kiss 
at parting, for thou'rt not such an ugly one nei- 
ther. 

Mary. Nay, — now, — so Thomas, go away and 
slobber Sarah at Ratchot's, if you are so fond. 



112 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

Turn. Why neaw, heaw spytfoo theaw art? 
Whot in o body doo like Seroh? there's no body 
boh the lik'n somebody. 

Mea. Eigh, true Tummus ; boh then sometimes 
somebody likes somebody elze ! 

Turn. I geawse whot te meons : for theawrt 
glenting ot tat flopper meawth't gob-sloteh Bill 
o' Owd Katty's: becose ot fok sen Seroh hankers 
after im. I marvil whot te dule hoo con see in 
him : I'm mad at hur ! 

Mea. Like enough; for its o feaw life t' luff 
thoose ot lufF'n other fok: boh yoar o ninyhom- 
mer t' heed 'ur; for there's none sitch farrantly 
tawk abeawt'r! 

Turn. Why, whot done they say? 

Mea. I mennaw tell: beside yoan happly tey't 
non so weel in o body shou'd. 

Turn. Whaw, I connaw be angurt ot tee, chez 
whot tey seys, os lung os to boh harms after other 
fok. 

Mea. Why then, they sen, ot hoos o mawkinly 
dagg'd a — st, wisktel't whean ; on — on — 

Turn. On whot Meary ? Speyk eawt. 

Mea. Why to be plene with o; tey sen ot hur 
moother took Bill o Owd Katty's on hur eh bed 
t'gether, last Sunday morning. 



THE INTERPRETATION. 113 

Tho. Why now how spiteful thou art? What 
can a body do, if he likes Sarah? there's nobody 
but likes somebody. 

Mary. Ay, true Thomas ; but then sometimes 
somebody likes somebody else ! 

Tho. I guess what thou means ; for thou'rt look- 
ing after that blubber -lip'd blockhead Bill at old 
Katty's: because that folks say Sarah hankers 
after him. I marvel what the devil she can see in 
him : I'm mad at her. 

Mary. Like enough; for it's a weary life to 
love those that love other people : but you are a 
silly fellow to heed her ; for there's none such de- 
cent talk abo^t her! 

Tho. Why, what do they say? 

Mary. I mustn't tell: perhaps you might hap- 
pen to take it none so well if a body should. 

Tho. Why, I cannot be angry at thee, chuse 
what thou says, as long a& thou but speaks after 
other folk. 

Mary. Why then, they say, she's a dirty drag- 
gle-tailed quean; and — and — 

Tho. And what, Mary? Speak out. 

Mary. Why, to be plain with you; they say 
her mother took this Bill in bed with her last 
Sunday morning. 



114 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

Turn. E — the dev — (good Lord bless us) is tat 
true? 

Mea. True ! heaw should it be otherways, for 
hur moother wur crying on soughing to me deme 
last Munday yeandurth obeawt it. 

Turn. 'Sflesh, Meary! I'm fit cruttle deawn in- 
to th' yeoarth : I'd leefer o tean forty eawls ! 

Mea. Why luck it neaw ; I'm een sooary for't : 
God help it, will it topple o'er? munneh howd it 
heeod while it heart brasts o bit? 

Turn. E, Meary; theaw little gawms heaw it 
thrutches me plucks! for if t' did, theaw'd naw 
mey sitch o hobbil on meh. 

Mea. Neaw eh meh good troth, I con heardly 
howd meh unlaight, t' see heaw fast yore en luff's 
clutches ! Boh I thowt I'd try o. 

Turn. Meary, whot dus to meeon? 

Mea. Why I towd o parcil o thumping lies o 
purpose to pump o. 

Turn. The dickons tey the, Meary — whot on 
awkert whean ar teaw ! whot teh plague did t' flay 
meh o thiss'n far! theawrt o wheant lass — I'd 
leefer o gon the arnt forty mile. 

Mea. Eigh, o hundurt, rether than o had it o 
bin true: but I thowt I'd try o. 



THE INTERPRETATION. 115 

Tho. The dev — , (good Lord bless us !) is that 
true? 

Mary. True ! how should it be otherwise, for 
her mother was crying and sobbing to my mistress 
last Monday afternoon about it. 

Tho. 'Sflesh, Mary! I'm ready to sink down 
into the earth : I'd rather have taken forty owls ! 

Mary. Why look ye now; I'm even sorry for 
it: God help it, will it tumble o'er? must I hold 
its head whilst its heart breaks a bit? 

Tho. Ah, Mary ; thou little knows how it hurts 
my feelings ! for if thou did, thou'd not make a 
fool of me. 

Mary. Now in my good truth, I can hardly 
keep from laughing, to see how fast thou art in 
love's clutches ! but I thought I'd try you. 

Tho. Mary, what dost thou mean? 

Mary. Why, I told a parcel of thumping lies 
on purpose to pump you. 

Tho. The deuce take thee, Mary — what an 
awkward wench art thou ! what the plague didst 
thou flee me alive this way for! thou art a comical 
lass — I'd rather have gone the errant forty miles. 

Mary. Ay, a hundred, rather than had it been 
true ; but I thought I'd try thee. 

i2 



116 THE LANCASHIRE DIALECT. 

Turn. Well; on if I dunnaw try thee, titter or 
latter, ittle be o marvel ! 

Mea. It's o greyt marcy yo connow doot neaw 
for cruttling deawn. — Boh I mun owey: for if 
meh deme be cumn whoam there'll be ricking. — 
Well, think on ot yoad'n rether ha tene forty 
eawls! (laughing, J 

Turn. I's think on ot teaw looks o bit whisky, 
chez whot Seroh o Rutchots is. 

Mea. I heard um sey ot gexing's o kint lying, 
on ot proof oth' pudding's ith' eyghting.— So fere 
weel, Tummus. 

Turn. Meary, fere the well heartily; on gi' meh 
luff to Seroh, let't leet heawt will. 

Mea. Winneh forgi' meh then? 
Turn. By th' Miss well eh, Meary, froth' bothum 
o me crop. 



THE INTERPRETATION. 117 

Tho. Well; and if I do not try thee sooner or 
later it will be a marvel ! 

Mary. It's a great mercy you can't do it now 
without stooping down. — But I must away: for if 
my dame be come home there'll be scolding. — 
Well, think on that, thou'd rather have taken forty 
owls! (laughing.) 

Tho. I think that thou looks a bit waggish, 
chuse whatever Sarah at Ratchot's is. 

Mary. I heard 'em say that guessings a kin to 
lying, and that proof of the pudding is in the eat- 
ing. — So farewell Thomas. 

Tho. Mary, fare thee well heartily; and give 
my love to Sarah, let it happen how it will. 

Mary. Will you forgive me then? 

Tho. By the Mass, will I, Mary, from the bot- 
tom of my heart! 



OBSERVATIONS, 

WHICH MAY BE USEFUL TO THOSE WHO ARE 
STRANGERS TO THE LANCASHIRE PRONUNCIA- 
TION. 



In some places in Lancashire we sound a instead 
of o, and o instead of a. For example, we say 
far, instead of for ; shart, instead of short ; and 
again, we say hort, instead of heart ; and port, 
instead oipart ; hont, instead of hand, &c *" 

Al and all are generally sounded broad; as, 
aw (or 6) for all; haw (or ho) for hall; Awmeety, 
for Almighty ; awlus, for always, &c. 

In some places we sound k, instead of g ; as, 
think, instead of thing; wooink, for wooing, &c. 

The letter d at the end of words, and the ter- 
mination ed, are often changed into t ; as, behint, 
for behind; wynt, for wind; awkert, for awk- 
ward; awtert, for altered, &c. 

In some parts it is common to sound ou and ow 
as a ; as, tha, for thou ; ka (or ca) for cow. In 



( 120 ) 

other places we sound the ou and ow as eu; as, 
theaw, for thou; keaw, for cow; heawse, for 
house; meawse, for mouse. 

The Saxon termination en is generally re- 
tained, but mute ; as, hafn, lotfn, desir'n, thinlcn, 
boughtfn, &c. 

In general we speak quick and short ; and cut 
off a great many letters, and even words, by apos- 
trophes ; and sometimes sound two, three, or more 
words as one. For instance, we say Til got" (or 
Til gut\) for Til go to ; runt\ for run to ; hoost, 
for she shall; intle (or infll) for if thou will; I 
woudidd'n, for I wish you would, &c. 

But as trade in a general way has now flou- 
rished for near a century, the inhabitants not only 
travel, but encourage all sorts of useful learning ; 
so that among hills, and places formerly unfre- 
quented by strangers, the people begin, within the 
few years of the author's observations, to speak 
much better English, if it can properly be called 
so. 

1755. JOHN COLLIER. 



GLOSSARY 

OF THE 

OBSOLETE WORDS 

IN THE 

LANCASHIRE DIALECT, 

ILLUSTRATED BY QUOTATIONS 

FROM THE EARLIEST ENGLISH WRITERS. 



Agate, agoing, from gait. 

I pray you, memory, set him agate again. — Shakespeare* 
Agog, anxiously, begun. 

On which the saints are all agog, 

And all this for a bear and dog. — Hudibras. 
An, if, and. 

He will, an he live to be a man. — Shakespeare. 
Anent, or aneenst, opposite. 

An right anenst him a dog snarling-er. — B. Jonson. 
Anon, coming. 

Th' anon, Sir, doth obey the call. — Shakespeare. 
Another -gates, another sort. 

And his bringing up another-gates marriage than such a 
minion. — Lilly's Mother Bombie. 
Ark, a chest or coffer. 

Then first of all came Sir Satyrane, 

Bearing that precious relic in an ark 

Of gold, that bad eyes might not it profane. 

Spenser's Faery Queene. 



122 GLOSSARY. 

Arrant, bad in a high degree. 

Country folks, who hallooed and hooted after me, as at the 
arrantest coward that ever shewed his shoulder to the 
enemy. — Sidney. 

Astound, to astonish, confound with fear and wonder. 
These thoughts may startle well, but not astound 
The virtuous mind. — Milton. 

Awf, or oaf, sl foolish child, or fairy changling. 

Says that the fairy left this awf 

And took away the other. — Drayton. 

Balderdash, to mix or adulterate any liquor. 
When monarchy began to bleed, 

And treason had a fine new name ; 
When Thames was balder dasti d with Tweed, 
And pulpits did like beacons flame. 

The Geneva Ballad, 1674. 
Ban, a curse or interdiction. 

Thou mixture rank, of midnight weeds collected, 
With Hecate's ban thrice blasted, thrice infected. — Hamlet. 
Bang, a blow, a thump. 

With many a stiff thwack, many a bang, 
Hard crabtree and old iron rang. — Hudibras. 

Barn, that is things born, a child. 

On St. John's evyn the Baptist, 
The best barn was under Christ. 

Gwaine and Gawin, Ritson's Met. Romances. 
Bate, to lessen or lower any thing, except. 
Nor envious at the sight will I forbear 
My plenteous bowl, nor bate my plenteous cheer. — Donne. 
Bate me some, and I will pay you some. — Shakespeare. 

Batter, a mixture of which pancakes, &c. are made. 

Turkey poults fresh from the egg in batter fried. 
Beclcn, to call with the fingers. 

Alexander beckoned with the hand, &c. — Acts. 



GLOSSARY. 123 

Beest, undigested milk, first given by the cow after 
calving. 

And twice besides her beestings never fail 

To store the dairy with a brimming pail. — Dryden. 
Belling or bellowing, loud noise, roaring. 

The beasts that haunt those springs 

From whom I hear those dreadful bell'ings 

Brown s Pastorals, 
Bench, or stool, or seat. 

The seats and benches shone of Ivory. — Spenser, 
Blain, a little boil or pustule, 

Botches and Mains must all his flesh imboss 

And all his people. — Milton. 
Blend, or blent, to mingle together. 

'Tis beauty truly blent, whose red and white 

Nature's own sweet and cunning hand has laid on. — Shak. 

Blinkart, blind of one eye, or bad eyes. 

Brainless blinkarts that blow at the Cole. — Shelton's Poems. 

Blur, a blot, to stain, to sully. 

Sarcasms may eclipse thine own 

But cannot blur my lost renown. — Hudibras, i. 3. 

Bode, did abide, also to foretel. 

This bodes some strange eruption to our state. — Shakespeare, 

Boggle, to be afraid, Boggart an appartion 

Yon boggle shrewdly, every feather starts you.— Ibid. 

Brabble, brablement, a squabble or falling out. 
This is not a place 
To brabble in: Calianax join hands. — Beaumont and Fletcher, 

Braggot, or braket, new ale spiced with sugar. 

Her mouth was sweet as braket, or the nieth or hord of ap- 
ples, laid in hay or heth. — Chaucer. 
Brast, burst, broken. 

But dreadful furies which their chains have brast. — Spenser. 
Brat, 8l child, also a coarse apron. 

The brat is none of mine! — Shakespeare. 



124 GLOSSARY. 

Brindlt or brindled, a mixture of colours in animals. 

Thrice the brindled cat hath mewed. — Shakespeare. 

Britchel or brittle, apt to break. 

A wit quick without brightness, sharp without brittleness. — 

R. Ascham's S. Mr. 
Bruit, to report, a rumour. 

A thousand things besides, she bruits and tells. 

Mirrour for Magistrates. 
Burly, thick, heavy, clumsy. 

'Twixt their burly sacks and full stocked barns they stand. 

Drayton's Pol. 

Canker, cankered, corrosion, virulence, ill-natured. 
As with age his body uglier grows, 
So his mind with cankers. — Shakespeare. 

Cark, to be careful and diligent. 

Hark, my husband ! he's singing and hooting 

And I'm fain to cark and care, and all little enough. 

Beaumont and Fletcher. 
Carl or clown. 

The carle beheld and saw his guest. — Spenser. 

Cartings, pease boiled on Coare Sunday, i. e. the Sun- 
day before Palm Sunday. 

There be all the lads and all the lasses, 

Set down in the midst of the Ha', 
With sybows, (onions,) and rifarts, (radishes,) and carlings, 
That are both sodden (boiled) and raw. — Old Scottish Song. 
Carron or currion, a term of reproach. 

Shall we send that foolish carrion, Mrs. Quickly, to him? 

Shakespeare. 
Catter wauling, catterwaw, by Chaucer, rambling in the 
night after the manner of cats. 

What a catterwauling do you keep here? — Shakespeare. 

Char, a small job of work, also to stop. 

His hand to woll, and arras worke, and women's chares he 
laid. — Warner's Alb. Eng. 



GLOSSARY. 125 

Chargers, platters, dishes. 

Give me here John Baptist's head in a charger. — St. Matthew. 
Chary, careful, nicely cautious. 

Xor am I chary of my beauty's hue, 

But that I am troubled with the tooth-ache sore. 

George a Greene, 0. P. 
Chieve, to prosper, to succeed. 

You have used a doctor fame-worn, and therefore look for ill 
chieving. — Ulysses upon Ajax. 
Churn- getting, or Churn-supper. 

Because at harvest home, from immemorial time, it was cus- 
tomary to produce in a churn at supper, a great quantity of 
cream, and to circulate it in cups to each of the rustic com- 
pany, to be eaten with bread. — Brand's Pop. Ant. vol. i. 
p. 449. 
Clammer, to climb, also a noise. 

Methinkes they might beware by other's harmes, 
And eke eschue to clammer up so hye. — Mirr.for Magis. 
Clammy, glutinous, adhesive, ropy. 

Cold sweats in clammy drops his limbs o'erspread. — Dry den. 
Clemmed, famished, starved. 

Hard is the choice, when the valiant must eat their arms, or 
clem. — Ben Jonson. 
Clough, a wood or valley between two hills. 
The other Clym of the Clough 
An archer good enough. — Ballad of Adam Bell. 
Clutter, all on heaps. 

He saw what a clutter there was with huge overgrown pots, 
pans, and spits. — UEstrange. 

Cockers and Trashes, old stockings without feet, worn 
as spatterdashes over the shoes; some years back 
known as Welsh boots. 

Nowe doth he inly scorne his Kendall greene, 
And his patch'd cockers now despised beene. 

Bp. HalVs Satires. 
Cochet, brisk, pert, or saucy. 
To wax cocket. — Sherwood. 



126 GLOSSARY. 

Coil, a great stir ; also, a lump on the head by a blow. 
You will not believe what a coil I had the other day to com- 
pound a business between a Kattern pear-woman and him, 
about snatching. — Ben Jonson. 

Crackling, or cracknels, a thin wheaten cake. 

Take with thee ten loaves and cracknels. — 1 Kings, xiv. 3. 

Cratch, a rack for hay in a stable. 

She leyde him in a cratch. — Wicliffe ; Luke, ii. 

Crevisi or crevice, a hole or crack. 

I pried me through the crevice of a wall. — Titus And. 
Crib, a place to hold calves or oxen. 

Where no oxen are the crib is clean. — Proverbs, xiv. 4. 

Cricks and howds, pains and strains. 

'Tis nothing, she'll tell you, but a crick she has got in her 
back. — Quevedo's Visions. 
Cricket, a small stool ; also, a house insect. 

Far from all resort of mirth, 

Save the cricket on the hearth. — Milton, II Pen. 

Crinkle, to rumple a thing ; also, to bend under a 
weight. 

Comely crinkled, 

Wondrously wrinkled. — Skelton. 

Crony, an old acquaintance or companion. 

So when the Scots, your constant cronies, 

Th' espousers of your cause and monies. — Hudibras. 

Dab, being active at any thing. 

The third is a dab at an index ! — Goldsmith, 

Daggled-tale, bemired ; a dirty slut. 

To see the dung'd folds of dag-taiVd sheep. — HalVs Satire. 

Dickons, an interjection, much the same with " the 
devil!" 

I cannot tell what the dickons his name is ! — Shakespeare. 



GLOSSARY, 127 

Din, a constant, tiresome noise. 

While the cock with lively din. — Milton. 

Ding, to bluster, to bounce, to huff. 

He huffs and dings. — Arbuthnot. 
Doff, to put off dress, or hat. 

Doff those tinks. 

Nature, in awe to him, 

Had doff'd her gaudy trim. — Milton. 
Draff, grains or sediments of ale. 

No, give them grains their fill, 

Husks, draff, to drink and swill. — Ben Jonson. 

Elder, one of Cromwell's Justices of the Peace.* A 
cow's udder. 

Flea-bitten Synod, an assembly brew'd 

Of clerks and elder's ana ; like the rude 

Chaos of Presbytery, where laymen ride 

With the tame woolpack clergy by their side. — Cleveland. 

Fag-end, the tail end ; a remnant. 

At the world's fag-end 

A land — doth lie. — Fanshaw. 

Famish, to starve by famine. 

What, did he marry me to famish me? — Shakespeare. 

Farrenhly, fair and clean ; handsome. 

Afarrenkly looking body. — Anon. 

Farrow, to bring forth pigs. 

The thirty pigs at one large litter farrow' d. — Dryden. 

Fettle, to put in order or condition. 

Nor list he now go whistling to the car, 
But sells his team, dLiidfettleth to the war. 

Bishop Hall's Satire. 

* Collier. 



128 GLOSSARY. 

Fey, to remove the earth. 

By j eying and casting that mud upon heaps, 

Commodities many the husbandman reaps. — Tusser, 
Flet, skimmed milk. 

The drink flet milk, which they just warm. — Mortimer, 
Flick, a flitch of bacon. 

Another brought a splycke 

Of a bacon flicke. — Tusser. 
Flit, to remove from a house, &c. 

at last it flitted is, 

Whither the souls of men do fly that live amiss. — Spenser, 

Fob, a pocket. 

Who pick'd a. fob at holding- forth. — Hudibras, 
Fog, young, strong, or latter-grass, after mowing. 

The thick and well-grown /og doth mat my smoother slades. 

Drayton's Pol, xiii. 294. 
Foist, stinking, fusty, or mouldy. 

The old moth-eaten, leaden legend, and the foisty and 
finowed festival. — Favour, Antiq. fyc. 1619, p. 334. 
Foo~goad, a plaything, or a trifling person. 

Didst thou ever see such &foo-goad felly? — L, D. 
Foomart, polecat or fitchat. 

Foxes and foumarts, with all other vermine. 

Ascham, Toxoph, 

Foir-new, fine ; very new, or span new. 

A man of fire-new words, Fashion's own knight. 

Shakespeare, 
Frap, to crack, or fall into a passion. 

Whose heart was frapp' d with such surprising woe. 

Palace of Pleasure, vol. ii. 
Frim, rich, thriving. 

Through the frim pastures, freely at his leisures. — Drayton, 
Frump, a mock or jeer. 

Pray leave these frumps, sir, and receive this letter. 

Beaumont and Fletcher, 



GLOSSARY. 129 

FussocJc, a term of reproach for fat idle women. 

Afussock of a woman, sir, she was. — Anon, 



Gad, to run about, as cows in hot weather. 

Give the water no passage, neither a wicked woman liberty 
to gad abroad. — Eccles. xxv. 25. 

Gam, gammon, fine sport, diversion ; also game. 

The same definition in Hit son's Glossary to Metrical Romances. 

Gan, began to ; gane, go or gone. 
Dore ne window was thar nane, 
Whar he myght oway gane. — Ritson's Met. Rom. i. 34. 

Gar, to make, or fence. 

Tell me, good Hobind, what gars thee greet (weep) 1 . 

"What ! has some wolf thy tender lambs y torn 1 

Or is thy bagpipe broke, that sounds so sweet r 

Or art thou of thy loved lass forlorn ? — Spenser's Shep. Cal. 

Garth, & hoop for tubs, a girdle, an enclosure, &c. 
Vide Johnson's Dictionary, by Todd. 

Gash, a large cut or wound. 

and from the gash 

A stream of nectareous humour issuing flow'd. 

Milton's Paradise Lost. 

Gate-away, gone forward, or on his way. 
He runne fast on his gate, 
Tyl he cam to the castel yate. 

Gaunt, lean, empty, meagre, &c. 

Gawby, or gawky, stupid, awkward, ungainly, &c. 

Refer to Brande's Popular Antiquities, where he denominates 
gawby, or cuckoo, as a name of contempt ; as, " April 
gtiwks." 



130 GLOSSARY. 

Gawm, understand or comprehend ; also, unhandsomely 
looking. — Todd's Johnson. 

Gawpe, galp, or gape, to stare with open mouth. 
The king gaped and gazed upon her with open mouth. 

1 Esdras, iv. 31. 

Gawster, an expressive word for to boast ; gawstring, 
hectoring, bragging. 

Gibberidge, or gibberish, stammering, or imperfect 
speech ; fustian language. — Vide Todd's Johnson. 
What, methynke ye be clerkyshe, 
Tor ye speak good gibberish. — Interlude of Youth, 1557. 

Giggle, to laugh wantonly. 

The giggler is a milk-maid. — Herbert. 

Glead, a kind of hawk or kite. 

Ye shall not eat the glead, the kite, or the vulture. — Deut. 

Glimmer, to shine a little. 

The west yet glimmers with some streaks of day. — Milton. 

Glister, to shine or sparkle. 

The helmets glister brightest in the fairest sunshine. 

Spenser. 
Gloppnt, frightened, astonished. 

Gob, a large piece of meat, a mouthful. 
Such a gob of money. — 1/ 'Estrange. 

Gobbet, as much as can be swallowed at once. 

Full of great lumps of flesh and gobbets raw. — Spenser. 

Gog, agog, haste, desire to go. 

You have put me in such a gog of going, I would not stay 
for all the world. — Beaumont and Fletcher. 



GLOSSARY. 131 

Gorse, furze, a prickly shrub. 

And for fair corn-ground are our fields surcloy'd with worth- 
less gorse. — Kyd, an. 1594. 

Greadly, gray tidy, well, right handsomely. 

Ritson's Met. Rom. 

Grip, or grippen, clenched hand or fist ; strength. 
Submit to those who are of grip or might. — Drayton. 

Grits, sand ; or groats, oats husked, sauce to goose. 

Plague him ! give him goose without groats! — Anon. 

Grope, to feel awkwardly, in the dark. 

We grope for the wall like the blind, and we grope as if we 
had no eyes. — Isaiah, lix. 10. 

Groin, a swine's snout. 

Solomon likeneth a fair woman, that is a fool of hire body, 
to a ring of gold that is worne in the groine of a sowe. 

Chaucer. 

Gry, an easy ague-fit, or a small measure. — Todd's 
Johnson. 

Gurd (burst) of laughter.— Ibid. 

Gutt\ an abbreviation for " Go to !" frequently found 
in Shakespeare, 8$c. 

Guzzett, a four-square piece of cloth, whereby the arm- 
pit of a shirt is widened. — Cotgrave's Dictionary. 

HacJct, or haclc'd, to cut bunglingly. 

Fll fight till from my bones my flesh be hack'd. — Shakespeare. 

Had-loonH-rean, the gutter or space between the head- 
lands and others. 

Haft, or heft, the handle of a knife ; heft, is also life. 

But yet ne fond I nought the haft, 

Which might unto the blade accord. — Gower. 

k2 



132 GLOSSARY. 

Hag, or haggus, the belly. 

A word of Scottish immortality, by a well-known delicate 
dish — haggis, 

Haigs, or hawes, the whitethorn berry, or hawthorn. 

Store of haws and hips portend cold winter. — Bacon, 

Hal o' Nabs, Henry of Abrahams. 

Son of, as Ap, Be, or Fitz, 

Halliblash, (blaze,) a great light. 

As Hallimas means All-souls, and Hallidom, Holy-dame, so 
may this mean, Holy-light, 

Halloo, to shout. 

If I fly, Marchis, 

Halloo me like a hare. — Shakespeare, 

Hammil, a hamlet, or village. 

Hanker, to long for, to covet. 

And felt such bowel hankerings, 

To see an empire all of Kings ! — Hudibras, 

Hap, to cover ; also, to pat or encourage a dog. 

He should not be the better hapt, or covered from cold. 

More's Utopia, 1551. 
Haply, perhaps, it may be. 

This love of theirs myself have often seen, 

Haply when they have judged me fast asleep. — Shakespeare, 

Harbour, to entertain, to shelter. 

My lady bids me tell you, that though she harbours you as 
her uncle, she's nothing allied to your disorders. 

Shakespeare, 

Harr, to snarl like an angry dog ; a storm proceeding 
from the sea. — Todd's Johnson, 

Harry, to hurry, to tease, to vex. 
I repent me much 
That I so harry' d him. — Shakespeare. 



GLOSSARY. 133 

Haver, oats ; as, haver -bread, for, oaten-bread. 

When you would anneal, take a blue stone, such as they 
make haver, or oat-cakes, upon, and lay it upon the cross 
bars of iron. — Peacham. 
Haust, a cough or cold. — Todd's Johnson, 
Hawmes, the collar by which a horse draws. 
Hey-go-mad, like mad ; to do anything to excess. 

Todd's Johnson, 
Hilling, a bed hilling, a coverlet. 

Cease then, all you that aim at the hilling-\iip of fatal gold. 

Hewyt, 

Hobbling, limping, awkward gait ; also, stammering. 
The friar was hobbling the same way too. — Dryden, 

Hob-nob, rashly ; a term in drinking, proceeding from 
beer, in old times, being on the hob, or stones at 
either end of the fire, to warm ; and cold beer on a 
round table, or what is called a nob; by which is 
meant, " Will you have cold or warm drink?" 
Hobgoblin, an apparition, fairy, or spirit. 

Crier hobgoblin, make the fairy O yes ! — Shakespeare, 
Hose, stockings. 

He being in love, could not see to garter his hose, 

Shakespeare, 
Hough, a foot, or more properly, the leg or hock. 

Thou shalt hough their horses. — Joshua, xi. 6. 
Huckster, a seller of herbs, roots, or small ware. 

A merchant shall hardly keep himself from doing wrong, and 
an huckster shall not be freed from sin. — Ecclus, xxvi. 29. 
Hugger-mugger, peevish, uncomfortable, cross-grained. 
The patrimony which a few 
Now hold in hugger-mugger in their hand, 
And all the rest do rot of goods and land. — Spenser, 

Hummobee, the large round, or stingless, bee. 

The honey-bags steal from the humble-bees, — Shakespeare, 



134 GLOSSARY. 

Hurley -hurley ', tumult, commotion, bustle. 

When the hurley -hurley's done, 

When the battle's lost and won. — Shakespeare, 

Inkling, a hint ; a tendency or liking to any thing. 

He had lytle inklinge that it was a speciall friend of his who 
kyll'd the deer. — Archb. Cranmer's Answer to Gardner. 

Jackanapes, a term of derision, from Jack and ape. 

He played Jackeanapes, swearynge, by his ten bones (his fin- 
gers or toes). — Bale, 
Jingum-bobs, playthings, nick-nacks. 
He rifled all his pokes and fobs, 
Of gimcracks, whims, and j in gum-bobs, — Hudibras, 

Kackle, or cackle, the noise of a hen after laying. 

Johnson, 
Kee, or kye, cows, or kine. 

A lass, that Cicely hight, had won his heart, 
Cicely, the western lass, that tends the kee, — Spenser, 

Keen, keen-bitten, sharp or well-edged. 

Here is my keen-edged sword. — Shakespeare, 

Kemb, a comb ; perhaps more proper. — Johnson, 
Yet are there men more loose than they, 
More kemb'd and bath'd, and rubb'd and trimm'd, 
More sleek. — Ben Jonson, 

Kest, cast ; still used in Scotland. 

The rosie mark, which she remembred well, 

That little infant had, which forth she kest. — Spenser, 

Kibe, a chap in the heel, caused by cold. 

If 'twere a kibe, 'twould put me to my slipper. — Shakespeare, 
Kin, kind, sort ; relations. 

Some kin affray, 

Envie or pride, passion or offence. — Chaucer, 



GLOSSARY. 135 

Kindly, a kindly cow, or kindly tree. 

The kindly fruits of the earth. — Litany. 
Kinh-haust, or chink-cough, sl violent cold. 

Todd's Johnson. 

Lamm, to beat. 

Lamm'd you shall be ere we leave you, — you shall be beaten 
sober.- — Beaumont and Fletcher. 

Lant, urine. 

Your frequent drinking country ale with lant in't. 

Glassthorne' s Wit in a Constable, 1639. 
Lap, to wrap over. 

Lap me in soft Lydian airs.— -Milton. 
Largess, much ; a present, a bounty. 

And liberal largess are grown somewhat light. — Shakespeare. 
Latched, infecting, catching. 

From bough to bough he leaped light, 

And oft the pumies latctid. — Spenser. 

Leawp-holes, or loop-hole, to give air in barns, or a light 
in passages. 

From her cabin'd loop-hole peep. — Milton. 
Leeof, (leef,) I'd as leef, I would as soon. 

All were the lief or loth. — Spenser. 
Lick, a blow; rough usage. 

And gave me a lick across the face. — Dryden. 
Ling, a kind of long heath. 

Heath, and ling, and sedges. — Bacon's Nat. Hist. 
Loathe, unwilling. 

Egyptians shall loathe to drink the waters. — Exodus. 
Loft, a chamber, or upper room. 

Eutychus fell down from the third loft. — Acts. 
Lopperd millc, curdled milk. — Ainsworth. 
Lug, to pull by the hair. 

With hair in character and lugs in text. — Cleveland. 



136 GLOSSARY. 

Lurdin, or Lord Dane, an idle lubberly fellow. 

Lourdains or clowns attired in their ordinary working-day 
clothe s . — Florio . 

Mar, to spoil a child, &c, or injure. 

Take care to mar not, when thou think'st to mend. — Fairfax. 
Masht, broke to pieces. 

They would even mash themselves, and all things else, to 
pieces. — More. 

Maskin, a sort of petty oath. 

By the maskin, methought they were so indeed.— Chapman. 
Maukin, & bundle of rags to sweep an oven, a dirty 
woman. 

A crooked carcass, a maukin, a witch, &c. — Burton. 
Maunder, to grumble, or walking stupidly. 

Maundering as if I had done him a discourtesy. — Wiseman. 
Maw, a stomach, or inclination. 

I have no maw to marriage. — Beaumont and Fletcher. 
Mes'n, or mixen, heap of dung or cleaning of a stable. 

The sunne that shineth on the mixene. — Chaucer. 
Midding, or midden, heap of muck. 

A very miaaen, or mucke heape, of all the grossest errors and 
heresies of the Romish Church. — Favour, 1619. 
Molder, to confound, to distract. — Todd's Johnson. 

Mowdywarp, or moldwarp, a mole. 

And like a moldwarp, make him lose his eyes. 

Harrington's Ar. 
Mullock, dirt, rubbish. 

The mullock on an hepe ysweped was. — Chaucer. 
Murth, of corn, plenty of grain. — Ainsworth. 

Nesh, tender, a weak subject; used by Chaucer. 

Of cheese — he says, it is too hard — he says, it is too nesh. 

Choise of Change, 1585. 



GLOSSARY. 137 

Nice, neat, comical, fastidious, &c. 

Think not I shall be nice. — Milton, 

Nifle, a nice bit, also trifling. 

He served them with nifies and with fables. — Chaucer, 

Over-bodit, a new upper part to the skirts of an old 
garment. — Coles. 

Pee, is to squint queerly. 

He pees, he looks with one eye. — Ray. 

Pumping, asking of questions. 

The ones the learned knight seek out, 

And pump them what they come about. — Hudibras. 

Punch' d 9 kicked, beat, &c. 

By thee was punch'd full of deadly holes. — Shakespeare. 

Quandary, at a loss, in a brown study. 

I leave you to judge in what a quandary Pericles was 
brought. — Greene, 1583. 

Quean, a strumpet, a female reproach. 

This well they understand like cunning queans, — Dryden, 

Rabblement, the crowd, or mob. 

Such wondrous rabblement of rhymsters new. 

Bp. Hall's Satires. 

Rack, a neck of mutton, also a frame to hold fodder 
(hay) for cattle. 

A chicken, a rabbit, rib of a rack of mutton, &c. — Burton. 

Raddle or Radling- sticks, a raddle-hedge is a hedge of 
pleached or twisted sticks and boughs. — H. Tooke. 

Rank, wrong, gross, coarse. 

Deserves a name as rank as any flax wench. — Shakespeare. 



138 GLOSSARY. 

Rap and rend, do all they possibly can. 

All they could rap and rend and pilfer. — Hudibras. 
Reast, or Reasty, the outside of bacon. 

Much bacon is reasty, — Tusser. 
Reek, or Reech, smoke, steam, &c. 

'Tis as hateful to me as the reek of a lime-kiln. — Shakespeare, 
Rick, a stack of corn. 

In the north they make small ricks of them in the field. 

Mortimer's Hush, 
Riddle, a coarse sieve. 

Horse beans and tares, sown together, are easily parted with 
a riddle, — Ibid, 

Ripe, common, prevailing, abounding. 

The plague was then ripe in Hungary. — Herbert, 
Riff-raff, lumber, low people, the refuse. 

Thwick- thwack and riff-raff roars he out aloud. 

Bp. Hall's Satires, 

Rift, to belch or break wind. — Todd's Johnson, 

Rive, to split, to divide. 

His heart asunder riveth, — Chaucer, 
Roost, a rest for poultry. 

A fox spied out a cock at roost upon a tree. — U Estrange, 
Rut, the paths of wheels. 

From hills huge waters headlong fall, 

Shall allwayes eat huge ruts, — Chapman, 

Sark, a shirt. 

Haunting beaus gang with their breasts open, and their sarks 
over their waistcoats. — Arb, 
Scampo, or Scamper, to run away. 

A fox seized a fawn and fairly scampered away with him. 

IS Estrange. 

Scant, very scarce, rare. 

like the ant, 

In plenty hoard for time of scant, — Carew, 



GLOSSARY. 139 

Scar, a steep, bare, and rocky place on a hill side. 

And eke full oft a little scar 
Upon a bank. — Gower, 

Seely, weak, trifling, empty-headed. 
If thou lust to holden chat 
With seely shepheard's swain. — Spenser. 

Shaftman, length of a fist with the thumb standing up. 

Ray and Lye's Dictionary. 

Shift, a contrivance, a device, a woman's garment. 

Know ye not Ulyssese shifts? — Denham. 
Schippen, a cowhouse* 

Schepenes and dairies. — Chaucer. 
Shoo, or Shough, a term to frighten poultry. 

Shough ! shough ! up to your coop pea -hen. 

Beaumont and Fletcher. 
Sib, related to, akin. 

(He) was sibbe to Arthour of Bretaigne. — Cliaucer. 

Sift, examine scrupulously. 

We have sifted your objections. — Hooker. 

Sike, a gutter or water-furrow. — Todd's Johnson. 

Sleeveless-arnt, a going to no purpose. 
One morning, timely, he took in hande, 
To make to my house a sleeveless-errande. — Heywood, 1566. 

Slotch, or Slouch, a greedy clown. 

A foul, great, stooping slouch with heavy eyes. 

Move's Life of the Lord. 
Slough, a deep dirty place, skin of an adder, &c. 

The ways being foul, twenty to one, 

He's here stuck in a slough and overthrown. — Milton. 

Sneap, to check, to reprimand. 

My lord, I will not undergoe this sneap without reply. 

Shakespeare, 
Sneck, the latch or bolt of a door. — Prompt Paro. 



140 GLOSSARY. 

Snig, an eel, to catch, to snare. 

Yes, Sir, I have sniggled him. — Beaumont and Fletcher. 
Suite, to blow the nose. 

Nor would any one be able to snite his nose. — Grew's Cosmed. 

Sops, toast, placed hot in ale or wine, or in the pan of 
roasting meat. 

Sops in wine, quantity for quantity, inebriate more than wine 
of itself. — Bacon. 
Sperr'd, inquired ; also, to be sperred, is to be published 
in the Church ; used by Chaucer. 
Whych openeth and no man spereth. 

God's Promise, Old Play. 

Span-new, or Bran-new, never worn, 

This tale was all span-newe to begin. — Chaucer. 

This is a spell against the spick-and -span-new. — B. Jonson. 
Stannyel, a hawk. 

With what wing the stannyel sets at it. — Shakespeare. 
Starke, very stiff. 

Whom when the good Sir Guyon did beholde 

His hart gan waxe as starke as marble stone. — Spenser. 

Stark giddy, or mad, in the highest degree. 
He is stark mad, who ever says 
That he hath beene in love an hour. — Donne. 

Stickle, to stand stiffly to a thing. 

There had been bloodshed had I not stickled. 

The Ordinary, Old Play. 
Stingy, sneaking, mean. 

A stingy narrow-hearted fellow. — L'Estrange. 

Stint, to set bounds to. 

Our stint of woe is common. — Shakespeare. 

Strike, or Stroke, two pecks, or bushel. 

What dowry has she ? Some two hundred bottles (bundles 

of straw) 
And twenty strike of oats.— Beaumont and Fletcher. 



GLOSSARY. 141 

Suds, a lather of soap, or to be taken in a scrape. 

Will you forsake me now and leave me i' the suds. — Ibid, 
Swad, a bean or pea husk. 

Take pulse out of the swads. — Coigreave. 

Swaith, or Srvath, a row of grass cut by a mower. 
With tossing and raking, and setting in cox, 
Grass lately in swaths is meat for an ox. — Tusser. 

Sweat, to kindle, to blaze, to burn. 

Men swaliden with greete heete. — Wicliffe, Revelations, xvi. 

Swinging, great, huge, heavy, a swinging-stick for beat- 
ing or opening wool. 

The countryman seeing the lion disarmed, with a swinging 
cudgel broke off the match. — L' Estrange. 

Swither, to burn fiercely, or move hastily. 

They sighen Marye, that sche roos swithe (hastily), and went 
out. — Wicliffe, St. John, xi. 31. 

Swop, to exchange one thing for another. 

I would have swopped youth for old age. — Dry den. 

Talented' s father, the author of Telleamed or the Indian 

Philosopher. 
Teathy, or teachy, cross, like a peevish child. 
Tetchy and wayward was thy infancy. 

Shakespeare's Richard III. 
Teawse, or towse, to pull, to tear, to haul. 
What sheepe that is full of wooll 
Upon his back they tose and pull. — Gower. 

Teem, to pour, a Scottish word; Johnson observes, a 
low word which Swift uses. 

Teem out the remainder of the ale into the tankard. — Swift. 

Teen, or teeny, fretful ; also, very little. 
Religion's reverence doth burial teene, 
Which whoso wants, wants so much of his rest.— Spenser. 



142 GLOSSARY. 

TKarcahe, hearth-cake, from being baked on the hearth. 
Twitter, to fret, to laugh secretly ; within a twitter, is 
within a little. 

And cut whole giants into fritters, 

To put them into amorous twitters, — Hudibras, 

Tyny, very little. 

He that has a little tyny wit, 

Must make content with his fortunes fit.— Shakespeare, 

Uncoth, or unkert, strange. 

All cleane dismay'd to see so uncoth sight. — Spenser. 

Uphold, to maintain, to warrant a thing. 
While life upholds this arm, 
This arm upholds the House of Lancaster. — Shakespeare. 

Urchin, or urchen, a hedge-hog. 

Urchins shall, for that vast of night that they may work, 
All exercise on thee. — Shakespeare. 

Waddle, or waggle, to shake in walking, to go like 
ducks. 

She could have run and waddled all about. — Shakespeare. 

Waker, easy to be awakened. 

Late watchers are no early lookers. — Ben Jonson. 

Wag, to move to and fro ; also, an arch person. 

All that hiss and wag their heads at thee. — Samuel, xi. 15. 
Was not my lord the verier wag o'th' two ? — Shakespeare. 

Wamble, the stomach ; to roll with nausea or sickness. 
When your cold sallads, without salt or vinegar, 
Be wambling in your stomachs. — Beaumont and Fletcher. 

War and war, worse and worse. 

They sayne the world is much war than it wont. — Spenser. 

Wattles, the lowest part of a cock's comb. 

The cock's comb and whattels are an ornament becoming his 
martial spirit. — More. 



GLOSSARY. 143 

Wax, to grow, to become bigger. 

They wax and wane 

'Twixt thrift and penury. — Carew. 

Welkin, the sky. 

Ne in all the welkin was no cloud. — Chaucer. 
Wheeze, to make a noise in breathing. 

The contraction of the trachaea straitens the passage of 
the air, and produces the wheezing in the asthma. — Floyer. 

Wherrit, a box on the ear ; also, did laugh. 

How meekly 

This other fellow here receives his werrit. 

Beaumont and Fletcher. 
Whinnit, horse neighing. 

The horse while he is winneying. — More's Im. of Soul, xi. 13. 
Whirl-boan, the round bone of the knee, the Patella. 

Ainsrvorth. 
Whish-telt, (tailed) light of carriage, a courtezan. 
He whisk'd his party-coloured wings 
And down to earth he comes. — Raleigh. 
Whiz, to hiss as a flying bullet. 

Turn him about, 

I know him, I know him ; he'll but whiz and then go out. 

Dry den. 
Whoo-up, shouting when all's over; word spoke to a 
horse to stop ! which they soon learn to obey in those 
counties. 

With that the shepherd whoop' d for joy. — Mayhoh. 

Whoo-whoo, an interjection of great surprize. 

Howl ye, wo worth the day. — Ezekiel, xxx. 2. 
Wishet, a basket. — Ainsrvorth. 

Woode, or vjode, almost mad with anger. 

Calm the tempest of his passion woode. — Spenser. 
Wort, a word; also, new ale in fermentation. 

If in the wort of beer. — Bacon. 



144? GLOSSARY. 

Wry not, a surname, a cant term. 

He shad (shaded) wrynot, and wrynot shad the devil. 

Yean, you will, a sheep is said to yean when she brings 
forth. 

I love thee better than the careful ewe the new-yean'd lamb. 

Fletcher's Faith, Shep, 
Yawl, or Yelp, like a dog when hurt. 

To yaulpe and bark like a dog or a fox. — Barret Alv. 1580. 

Yule-tide or Yulegams, Christmas time, or Lammas. 
Masks, singing, dancing, yule-gdmes. —Burton's Anat. 



THE 

BATTLE 

OF THE 

FLYING DRAGON 

AND THE 

MAN OF HEATON. 



Speetatum admissi visum teneatis 1 — Hor. Ars Poet. Yer. 5. 



TO THE READER. 



I have very little to say to thee, O my 
Friend ! only, I hope by the following short 
Poem thou wilt see that I wish Englishmen 
would be content to be Englishmen, both in 
dress and politics. 

Farewell! 



l2 



THE ARGUMENT. 






A Lancashire beau being at London, fell in love with the 
large pig-tails and ear-locks, and consequently brought the 
French toys with him to Lancaster : business calling him to 
Sunderland, on that coast, and the day being uncommonly 
boisterous, he mounts his courser, dressed in the pig-tail, ear- 
locks, &c. a-la-mode Francois. The toy rolled on his shoulders, 
till the blasts blew away both that and the ear-locks, they being 
fastened to the tail with black ribbons. 

A countryman coming that way, and seeing them blowing 
about in the lane, takes the French medley for a flying-dragon, 
and, after mature deliberation, resolved to kill it. This pro- 
duced three battles ; at the latter end of which (the wind ceas- 
ing, and the pig-tail lying still) he thought he had manfully 
performed. Elated with the exploit, he twists his stick in the 
ear-locks, and carries all before him aloft in the air, as boys 
commonly do adders; till meeting the Rector of Heysham, 
he was, with much ado, convinced ; and then in great con- 
fusion sneaked away, leaving his reverence in possession of 
the monster, who still keeps it at Heysham, and often shows it 
with much diversion to his friends. 



THE FLYING DRAGON 



MAN OF HEATON. 



PART I, 

What man alive, tho' e'er so wise, 

With spaniel's nose and eagle's eyes, 

Can tell this hour what th' next will fling us, 

Or whether joy or sorrow bring us. 

That no dispute there needs of this, 

The man of Heaton witness is ; 

A man he was and very stout, 

But whether quite so wise, some doubt ; 

And as my muse dare not decide, 

The foll'wing facts must be our guide ; 

So leaving him in doubtful mood, 

Let's hint at one more understood. 

Our other hero, for we've two, 
Hight Mijnheer Skyppo Vanderloo, 
Was late arriv'd from that fam'd city, 
Half French, half English — ah, what pity! 



150 THE FLYING DRAGON 

Where courtiers, pensioners, and placemen, 
By frequent ins and outs disgrace men: 
Where doughty squires to knights are vamp'd ; 
Where half-thick lords to earls are stamp'd ; 
Where all the arts of jockeyship, 
Are us'd as at the turf and whip ; 
Where one throws out his dearest brother, 
And statesmen jostle one another; 
Who lay their meagrim brains together 
To make our feet find their own leather; 
Our eyes must see, sans sun or candle, 
And in the day mope — dingle dangle ; 
Where bribery's the chiefest trade, 
And laws against our interest made ; 
Where Britain's fate is — hum — decided, 

And all 'mongst w s and r s divided. 

But stay — should I their actions paint, 
Our heads would ach, our hearts wou'd faint; 
So leaving them, and their grand squabble, 
My muse of better things shall babble. 

This man I say was just come down, 
From that French pig-tail foppish town, 
As gay as daw, in borrowed plumes, 
And all the airs of fop assumes. 

His ramille, secundum artem, 
Was toss'd up — bless me, — ah — ad ! 



AND THE MAN OF HEATON. 151 

His earlocks too! — near eyebrows plac'd, 
His countenance genteelly grac'd; 

A pig-tail dangling to his . 

(O truth, 'tis thou that shames my verse!) 
Being tagg'd with curious shining hair, 
In various colours did appear; 
With powder dusted, smooth'd by tonsure, 
He look'd as grand as monkey monsure ! 
His nag high-mettl'd shin'd like raven, 
Both sire and dam, of blood in craven : 
He mounted — hem'd — fill'd cheeks with wind ; 
Spurr'd nag — (who answered from behind) — 
Away he flew — now boisterous Boreas, 
Vext to see man so vainly glorious, 
Resolv'd this champion's pride to humble, 
And make his furious courser stumble ; 
But finding soon this scheme to fail, 
He aimed his force at the pig-tail, 
And whisk'd it round both back and shoulder, 
Still he rode on — and still look'd bolder! 
Boreas chagrin'd and gall'd with pain, 
At ear-locks blew with might and main, 
Not dreaming of their being ally'd, 
And to the tail so closely ty'd. 
All Skyppo's head attire so gay, 
The blast had nearly blown away, 



152 THE FLYING DRAGON 

When fortune raising ruffl'd hand, 
Kept wig and beaver on their stand ; 
But pig-tail, with the ear-locks new, 
Away with Boreas waving flew. 

Our hero spruce ne'er miss'd the toy, 
But rode for Sunderland with joy; 
Thinking to show the fashion new, 
Which sight would make one laugh — or 



PART II. 



But who comes next! — the man of Heaton, 

Whose very name old time hath eaten. 

For authors in this point do vary, 

Some call him Roaf, some Will, some Harry; 

But I incline, for private reason, 

To call him Oamfrey, at this season; 

And sometimes Noamp, perhaps may fit, 

As suits my rhime, or helps my wit. 

But on he comes ; and fame rehearses 

His nose two feet before his is ; 

A trusty knob-stick fill'd his hand, 

And thought no power could him withstand. 

When lo ! his lifted eyes assail 

A long black thing, with wings and tail ; 



AND THE MAN OF HEATON. 153 

The wings quick moving with the wind, 
The tail in curls, turn'd up behind. 

So Oamfrey stops his sauntering course, 
And unto musing had recourse ; 
Then stamp'd his knob-stick on the ground, 
And crying in amaze profound : 
" I'th neme o'mercy, say — whot' art; 
That two black tungs fro meawth con dart? 
Whooas twisted body's like the hurn 
O' that fem'd beeost the unicorn ! 
I say, whot art? Ith' neme o — — ! 
My stick shall — howd — I've heard a rod 
Of willow will demolish soon 
The direst snake below the moon." 

With that, stout Noamp his thwittle drew, 
And on the edge three times he blew; 
Then from the hedge he in a crack 
Brings a tough willow with him back ; 
But whilst the leaves he from it strips, 
Across the lane the Dragon skips ! 
Quoth he — " I see theaw'rt marching off, 
Boh howd o bit; this willow tough 
Shall, if strength fail not, stop thy flight." 
So strikes the pig-tail with his might, 
And cries out, " Boh!" then quick returns, 
Then gives a stroke — then backward runs. 



154 THE FLYING DRAGON 

The monstrous animal up flew, 
And Oamfrey starting, quick withdrew: 
His eyes oth' stare, his face grew pale, 
With open mouth he view'd the tail, 
Which briskly wanton'd in the wind ; 
Then swore, "It's of the Dragon kind!" 

On deep reflection he grew tardy, 
And thought it sin to be fool-hardy. 
" If I con seve meh-sell," quoth he, 
" Whot's flying Dragons unto me? 
There con no wisdom be, I trow, 
In feighting things we dunnaw know ; 
For should it chonce fly e meh fece, 
I'm deeo'd os tripe — witheawt God's grece." 
So Oamfrey he the wand threw down, 
Took up his stick, and march'd for town. 



PART III. 



Two roods he had not gone, before 
A blast of wind the monster bore 
Within two yards of Oamfrey s stick, 
Which vex'd our hero to the quick. 
Quoth Noamp, " Be this I plenely see 
It mun be oather thee or me : 



AND THE MAN OF HEATON, 155 

And sin 'tis so, I'll never run, 
Boh kill or dee before eh done." 

Then, in a passion, from his hand 
He threw his stick, and fetch'd the wand ; 
And poor pig-tail with courage fresh, 
And all his might began to thresh ; 
But still the Dragon kept the field, 
Cock'd up his tail, and scorn'd to yield. 

This furious combat, by report, 
Did last till Oamfreys stick grew short, 
And a cessation, as fame reckons, 
Continued till he got fresh weapons. 
But Oamfrey, having luck to find 
A weapon to his murdering mind, 
Says softly thus unto himself: 
" Theaw feights for honour, not for pelf; 
And if theaw gets this direfoo beawt, 
Thy feme will bleze, on ne'er gooa out." 

Then hemming twice— spits on his hand, 
And snatches up the magic wand, 
Resolved to do a feat to brag on, 
So strikes with all his might the Dragon : 
And thus the battle was renew'd, 
And both sides to their tackle stood. 

Again fierce Oamfreys stick did dwindle 
Into the length of common spindle : 



156 THE FLYING DRAGON 

But thinking now the battle gain'd, 
Because he with no blood was stain'd, 
Resolved to fetch another switch, 
To kill outright this Dragon-witch. 

Now while this third great duel lasted, 
Fierce Oamfreys strength was almost wasted. 
The Dragon, too, now wanting breath, 
Had symptoms of approaching death ; 
And ev'ry member seem'd to fail, 
He hardly stirring wing or tail, 
For Boreas likewise, tired at length, 
Had quite exhausted all his strength, 
And all was hush : so fortune gave 
The field and battle to the brave ! 
And pig-tail lies as still as stone, 
As tho' to live it ne'er had known. 
And thus the Dragon here was slain, 
Whilst Oamfrey lives to fight again. 



AND THE MAN OF HEATON. 157 

PART IV. 

Our hero's courage none can doubt ; 
Nor love of fame was he without ; 
For when this glorious feat was done, 
And such a vict'ry fairly won, 
Ambitious Oamfrey in a crack, 
Put kersey coat on sweating back ; 
And then with cautious stare he view'd 
The Dragon, which he'd hack'd and hew'd ; 
But still it proved above his ken, 
As it might do to wiser men. 

Here Oamfrey musters all his senses, 
And pride threw down all meek pretences ; 
So he resolved he'd boldly bear 
In triumph, all the spoils of war. 
With this intent, his ample foot 
Held down the pig-tail, whilst he put 
His stick within the frizzled hair, 
And thus before him did it bear. 

Ten furlongs he'd triumphing past, 
But met no mortal man or beast : 
When, lo ! he met, with heart full gleesome, 
The reverend rector, styled of Heysham. 
The parson stared, whilst Oamfrey held 
The Dragon, which he'd lately kill'd ; 



158 THE FLYING DRAGON 

And after clearing up his weasand, 
He query 'd thus, to know the reason : 

" Why Odmfrey, man ! what have you got 
Upon your stick ?" " That I know not." 
" Where did you find the tawdry thing?" 
" Tawdry!" quoth Noamp, " why't has a sting!" 
u A sting, man ! — nay, no more than you." 
" Byth' mass ! good parson, that's nay true : 
Look at its tungs ; its sting's ith tele, 
Or else I'm sure my senses fail !" 
" True," quoth his rev'rence, " that may be, 
And in that point we both agree ; 
But if my eyes, like thine, don't fail, 
It is, tho' large, a French pig-tail." 
" A pigtele, pars'n! that's good fun! 
No moor thin bacco-pipe's a gun. 
Why 'twas alive ten minutes since, 
An that I'll swear be king or prince ! 
Nay, more thin that, it flew abeawt, 
An that no swine-tele, or his sneawt, 
Could ever do sin Noah's flood, 
An this I will maintene for good." 

The rector laugh'd, and Noamp look'd sour, 
For to convince he wanted pow'r ; 
Nor could Noamp to his thoughts give vent, 
As anger cork'd up argument. 



AND THE MAN OF HEATON. 159 

His rev'rence then began again 
To reason, thus : " Why, look ye, man, 
This is black silk, and this is hair ; 
Feel, and believe — you need not stare !" 
" Not stare ? Why, pars'n, did naw you 
Affirm just neaw o thing naw true, — 
Did naw yo sey it wur a pig-tele ? 
Which 'tis no moor thin 'tis a snig-tele." 
" Why, man ! but so they call the thing ; 
You see't has neither head nor sting ; 
These ribbands are to tie it on, 
As you shall see I'll do anon." 

His rev'rence then his wig took off, 
And Noamp began to hem and cough ; 
His doubts he found to disappear, 
And that he'd got wrong sow by th' ear : 
For as the parson was adjusting, 
Things grew the more and more disgusting. 
But when he put o'er all his wig — 
" The d— 1 ta' yer tele o' pig ! 
What sense is there e tele so black 
That's teed toth' heeod, an rows o'th back ? 
If they'd ha things weh netur jump, 
The tele should awlus ston o'th rump ; 
That fok moot know oytch foolish brat 
For munkey greyt, or meawntin cat ; 



160 THE FLYING DRAGON. 

Boh gawbies neaw gin kers'n nemes, 
To things naw hardly fit for flames/' 
So Oamfrey grumbling, budged away, 
But neither bade good night or day. 

The rector laugh'd, and laugh'd again, 
At Oamfrey s notions thro' the scene ; 
And took the pig-tail with him home, 
For sport to friends in time to come ; 
And keeps it to this very day 
At Heysham, as my authors say. 



THE 



BLAC K-BIR D. 



A POEM. 



M 



THE 

DEDICATION. 



TO 

THE MOST HIGH AND MIGHTY 

STERN-VISAG'D PLUTO, 

PRINCE OF STYGIAN DARKNESS, CHIEF ENGINEER OF NOCTURNAL 

THUNDER, AND GENERALISSIMO OF ALL THE DEPARTED 

GHOSTS IN THE INFERNAL REGIONS, &C. &C. 



Sulphurous and dread Prince! 

I am very sensible 'tis the highest presump- 
tion in me imaginable to address the following 
Poem to your grisly majesty: but I humbly con- 
ceive I have not done it without strong induce- 
ments; for where could the Whistling Ousel have 
found an asylum, to screen her from the British 
Minos (her austere and implacable enemy) but in 
your swarthy dominions? Though at the same 
time she flies to you for protection, she's possessed 
with an ominous fear, that when her adversary 
makes his exit out of these terrestrial regions, 

m 2 



164 THE BLACK-BIRD. 

you'll immediately degrade sEacus, advance him 
to the Bench, and assign to his profound and 
equitable care all the European provinces ; or at 
least constitute him itinerant judge in your shady 
jurisdictions. 

But to leave this to your profounded wisdom, 
I must presume to tell you, most awful monarch, 
that 'tis my humble opinion, that every carping 
Momus, and snarling critic, will acquiesce with 
me in my second motive for electing you my ad- 
vocate, since 'tis the d — 1 of a Poem, on a black 
subject, written by a Collier, in an obscure style, 
and therefore none so proper for its patron para- 
mount, as your gloomy majesty. 

Another reason is, because I don't remember 
that any of the ancient or modern higlers in rhime 
ever dedicated any of their productions to your 
dusky godship: though they have not failed to 
celebrate your tremendous name, extol your su- 
preme power, and (if I may so speak) have given 
us the cosmography of your ample dominions. 

While you are thus slighted, there are not 
wanting those who are busy making puny gods 
and goddesses of mere terrestrial lump; and the 
press has given us a modern proof of a thresher, 
who has thrown down his unwieldy flail, and taken 



THE BLACK-BIRD. 165 

up the pliant nimble pen, to make one, who has 
lately passed through your sooty territories, as 
powerful, and more indulgent to us, than the god- 
dess Cybele was to the ancients. 

Since the clumsy flail has presumed to address 
a terrene queen, accept, great Prince of Dark- 
ness, of the first fruits of the swift-paced shuttle ; 
which was a scion that blossomed, and whose fruit 
came to maturity this keen benumbing storm, 
when looms were more terrible to cringing, thin- 
bellied weavers, than ever the pillory was to those 
obsequious and loyal subjects of yours, Pryn and 
Bastick. 

And now, methinks, I have almost beaten that 
modish and much-frequented path of dedication 
enough ; though I neither have nor can con- 
descend to that nauseous and servile flattery which 
is so redundant in addresses of this kind ; and I 
hope you'll not reject the patronage. If I could 
have found a more powerful protector than your 
great self, you had never heard of the Whistling- 
Ouzel: neither would I have you think that I 
have played the timid Indian, and offered the 
Black-bird to your Ghastliness as a propitiation 
for some enormous crime committed against your 
Majesty; no, 'twas not this, but your ability to 



166 THE BLACK-BIRD. 

defend, that prompted me, and entirely banished 
that modesty which otherwise would never have 
permitted me to have sent the Black-bird, on her 
well-balanced sable pinions, to your Sootiness for 
protection — the which I hope you will grant her ; 
and that you will permit her to flutter at your feet, 
and perch and nestle about your awful throne : if 
your dreadful Majesty will do this, Sir Minos 
may do that which he would not suffer her to do, 
i. e. go whistle. I am, 

Tremendous Sir ! 

Now and ever will be, 

Timothy Bobbin. 

From the Chimney-corner, 
Jan. 15, 1739. 



THE BLACK-BIRD. 



THE INVOCATION. 

Tliou who with ale or vile liquors. 
Didst inspire Withers, Pryn, and Vicars 
And force them, tho ? it was in spite 
Of nature and their stars, to write; 
Assist me but this once, I implore, 
And I shall trouble thee no more. — Hud. 



When bright Apollo's flaming car had run 

The southern course, and in our climes begun 

To perfect blossoms, and the budding flow'rs 

To paint the fields and form the shady bow'rs, 

The distant prospects all around were seen 

To wear a curious eye-delighting green ; 

And school-boys stood, while Sloth put on the reins, 

And with cramm'd satchels saunt'red in the lanes : 

The younger sort would stroll about to get 

The daisy, primrose, and the violet; 

While Tom and Will, with eager eyes would view 

Each bush and tree, from whence a linnet flew; 

And every hedge did pry into, to find 

The downy structure of the feather'd kind. 



168 THE BLACK-BIRD. 

Such were the days when Minos would be drest 
To look more awful on a day of rest ; 
His sapient head he deck'd in perriwig 
Of three-tails dangling, to look quorum big; 
His beaver cock'd, plain-dealing-wise he pull'd 
So low, his forehead in it seem'd involv'd; 
But this was done his visage more to grace, 
And coup'd a third part from his pouting face : 
Being cloak'd and booted, they who knew him not 
Thought Hudibras o'er gloomy Styx had got: 
And as that knight, so he'd a 'squire to wait, 
Whene'er he sally'd forth thro' creaking gate. 
This for his outward-man ; but I must strain 
For to dissect his wonder-working brain ; 
Unless I can get Cibhers fawning muse, 
To bathe my skull in crowning laurel-juice! 
But since I've ventur'd the outside to scan, 
111 slightly touch upon his inward man. 
(But know, my angry muse reflects not on 
This tinkling cymbal for its jarring tone; 
But for affecting those celestial airs, 
By which the organ charms the list'ning ears.) 

If speech be the true index of the mind, 
And doth denote with what the head is lin'd, 
We may conclude, that since his speech is clipp'd, 
His moving garret is but half equipp'd ; 



THE BLACK-BIRD. 169 

But lest a pun won't please the woiid-be-wise, 
His wit wants ballast, and his judgment eyes; 
For nature made him without care or art, 
And left unfinish'd much the better part : 
Or else in forming, tir'd with too much pain, 
She nodded o'er him, and so spoil'd his brain. 

If any wonder why as judge he's plac'd, 
Or how the bench comes with his worship grac'd, 
That thought's submerged in this, to think that we 
Are sway'd by fools, much greater knaves than he. 
We grant, he seems a genuine chip of those 
Convention-wits, who lead us by the nose; 
"Tis true, we go like Bruin to the stake, 
Who knows his task, and fain his bonds would break, 
But forced on, he shakes his shaggy fur, 
And looks with fury on each bridl'd cur ; 
Craftsman* the bearward, doth promulgate law, 
And threatens wounds from deep Panonian jaw; 
Asserting ne'er a collar'd-whelp doth play 
The game that's fair, but runs a thievish way; 
And thinks with justice, in this dire contest, 
Each cur should run with fawning tail the first ; 
Or, if you please, smooth-chins should rule the roast, 
And hairy-ruffi'ns kick'd from ev'ry post. 

* Vide Gent. Mag. for Jan. 1740, page 20. 



170 THE BLACK-BIRD. 

Which scheme, before all others I prefer, 

If my old grannum may be Treasurer, 

For I'm her only fav'rite, and must taste with her. 

But, lest some critic thinks my OuzeVs flown, 
And from a Black-bird, 'tis a Bear-bait grown, 
I'll to his worship once again repair, 
That's going now to snuff the country air. 

After a turn or two, within the room, 
A hem breaks forth — and then he calls his groom 
Here Jack! where' s Jack? I'm here, his man re- 
plies ; 
Bring out my horse: and straitway John complies. 
He being gone, the knight must see the glass, 
To fix some upright airs in oblong face : 
His hand adorn'd with ruffl'd shirt, he drew 
Unto his head, and set his wig askew; 
Then gently strok'd his manly beard, and then 
Adjusted three-tail'd peruke once again. 
The bob before he'd often toss behind, 
As pleas'd his curious self-admiring mind ; 
He lower'd his eye-brows, made a furrow'd brow, 
Pull'd in his chin, more majesty to show: 
Pleas'd with the sight, he set aside the man, 
Bow'd low, and this soliloquy began : 
" I'll say't, thou'rt graceful; — very graceful — and 
Thy very look will reverence command ! 



THE BLACK-BIRD. 171 

Thy dress is handsome, — very genteel: — still 
Not the least foppish, if I've any skill: 
Besides, 'tis known this head can penetrate 
Into dark things, and solve each hard debate; 
Or, as the proverb says, can see as far 
Into a millstone" — here the gate did jar; 
For John had done according to command. 
And waiting stood with nag, and cap in hand. 
The steed was sleek, and bore a lofty crest, 
And worth a troop of Hudibras's beast; 
Nor ever was Don Quixotte's dapple fit, 
For speed, and beauty, to be nam'd with it; 
So this, you'll say, was fit to bear a pack 
Of precious ware, as they, upon his back. 
And all agree his worship's teeming full 
Of just such wit, as they bore in the skull. 
This bonny nag, Sir Minos did bestride, 
And thro' the town with solemn pace did ride ; 
About ten furlongs they had pass'd, before 
The knight and 'squire, of silence broke the door. 
And then it was the justice came t'himself, 
From contemplating on his wit and pelf: 
With lisping accent, and emphatic voice 
(While pate, and bum, on thigh kept equal poise,) 
He put these queries to his cunning 'squire, 
And then sly John to knight rode something nigher. 



172 THE BLACK-BIRD. 

" Jack, thou must tell me true what now I ask, 

Since 'tis no wicked or ungodly task." 

" Sir, there's no doubt," says John. " Then tell 

me, pray,— 
What says the world that now I bear such sway ?" 
" Why, sir, they speak exceeding well of you, 
As wise and good — to king and country true." 
" Thou answer'st well; and glad I am to know, 
The world such thoughts so justly do bestow." 
Here Jack, with wry mouth, turns his eyes askew, 
As he came on. " But hark thee, Jack — tell true — 
When I appear, don't wicked rascals quake ?" 
" Yes, that they do — and like an aspin shake." 
" What do they think, when I'm upon the bench?" 
" You knock down sin, and burning lust do quench." 
" Whose judgment is't a knotty matter clears?" 
" Sir, yours alone sinks twice as deep as theirs." 
Jack bites his lip ; that while the knight goes on, — 
" Thy words are good ; I'll mend thy wages, John." 
" I thank you, sir, — I'm much obliged to you." 
Now th' Ouzel whistles, — wheet-wit, wheet-wit, 

whee'u ; 
And so went on, like a shrill flute, to play 
That gleesome tune, the Twenty-ninth of May. 
" Hold, Jack! stand still; I hear a whistling noise 
Within that house ; 'tis sure some atheist's voice ! 



THE BLACK-BIRD. 173 

Tho' Catholics, I've heard my father say, 

Would whistle, dance, and sing o'th' Sabbath-day. 

But who can this be ?" Says John, " I cannot tell ; 

But, man or maid, it whistles very well." 

" Some Papist, Jack !" " In that I 'gree to you." 

Then comes the prelude, — wheet-wit, wheet-wit, 

wheeu. 
Both list'ned, while the tune was whistling o'er : 
The knight, more vex'd than e'er he was before, 
Turn'd short his horse, and in a furious mood, 
Said, " I'll commit him, — he's the serpent's brood: 
He sees me stand, and yet he whistles on 
This Sabbath-day: — was such a thing e'er known? 
'Tis Papist-like to whistle against me, 
Or, what's the same, against his Majesty ! 
No doubt he knows I represent the King, 
And that we both are but the self-same thing." 
<c Sir," says the 'squire, " this thing I know't be 

true." 
Now comes the flourish, — wheet-wit, wheet-wit, 

whee'u, 
And so proceeds with the old tune again. 
The knight cries out, " O monstrous and profane ! 
Was ever antichristian impudence 
So base, to give both God and man offence ! 



174 THE BLACK-BIRD. 

'Tis most seditious ! Jack, light off thy horse, 
And bring the rascal, else use all thy force ; 
For I this moment will commit him safe, 
Where he'll not whistle, dance, or sing, or laugh." 
Scarce sooner spoke than John was in, but made 
Such queer demands, they knew not what he said. 
But he repeats, " The whistling man must go 
Before a justice, for he'd have it so." 
The man replies, " The whistler's good and true, 
And serves me well ; but what's all this to you ? 
He takes no bribes, he asks for nought but meat, 
Fawns on no king, nor doth his country cheat : 
He's not encumber'd with perplexing cares, 
Nor meddles with mysterious state-affairs ; 
He'll whistle on, altho' a justice stand 
Within the room, and slight his stern command." 

Jack hearing this, began to smell a rat ; 
Howe'er he goes and tells the justice flat, 
The whistler would not come ; he fear'd no law, 
Or king or justice valued not a straw. 
But when the knight heard this, he raved and tore, 
And several times thus by Astrea swore : 
" I'll make him like a beacon on a hill, 
An everlasting monument of ill ; 
A sad example of seditious tools, 
Of pagan knaves, and antichristian fools." 



THE BLACK-BIRD. 175 

And with these words he nimbly quits his horse, 
Raging with passion,— never fury worse ! 
And in he flies, with " Where's this profane wretch 
That slights the law, whom I myself must fetch ? 
Where is this whistling Turk — this stinking he- Jew?" 
And now the bird sings, wheet-wit, wheet-wit, 

whee'u ; 
And then the Twenty-ninth of May begun. 
" What !" quoth the knight, " was such a thing e'er 

known !" 
And, puppet-like, he whisks himself about, 
To see if he could find the whistler out. 

The tune went bravely on, whilst he, amazed, 
Sought ev'ry corner, and about him gazed ; 
But still this whistler was not to be seen, 
Which filled the justice with tempestuous spleen : 
He stamped with foot, and lift his eyes above, 
As tho' he called on thunder-ruling Jove, 
And then burst out in this emphatic strain : 
" Ungodly! wicked! heath'nish and profane! 
To break the sabbath ! whistle against heav'n, 
The king, and me ! 'twill never be forgiven ! 
A disaffected tune too!— shameless man, 
Notorious rogue! — he's of the Jesuits' clan!" 
And then once more tow'rds heav'n his eyes he sent, 
And saw the Black-bird in a wire-cage pent, 



176 THE BLACK-BIRD. 

Most sweetly whistling the concluding strain ; 
Which stunn'd the knight, as tho' with lightning 

slain. 
He motionless as old Lot's wife did stand, 
And still stretch'd out his sense-directing hand ; 
But at the last he wheels himself about, 
His mouth he open'd, and his thoughts flew out. 

" Is this the whistler? Nay, I scarce believe 
But both my eyes and ears do me deceive ! 
I'll say't, 'tis strange, surpassing strange ! a bird 
To whistle tunes ! — the like was never heard ! 
I thought it was not possible for art 
To teach birds music — nor th' easiest part ! 
Sure this is some Italian ouzel, brought 
O'er seas, and was by wicked Jesuits taught ! 
Why poz, # I ne'er was so deceived in all 
My life before, — and with a thing so small ! 
I'll say't, I took it for some Jacobite 
That whistled thus, — but who is always right? 
A Solomon may play some foolish tricks, 
And British CATof err in politics." 
Then beck'ning finger, makes the man draw near, 
And in soft tone, thus whispers in his ear : 

* A favourite word of the knight's for positively. 
f Walpole. 



THE BLACK-BIRD. 177 

" Here, honest man, I'll give thee half-a-crown, 
To promise me this thing must not be known ; 
For should the wicked ever hear this thing, 
'Twould shame both me and our most gracious 

king." 
The fellow took the piece, and made a bow ; 
But, wiseman-like, in promising was slow. 
And knight perceiving that the bird was put 
In close confinement, and in limbo shut, 
Old Oliverian and fanatic zeal 
Grew cold, and did to crusted ice congeal ; 
And calm as midnight took his leave, — but said, 
" Be sure this thing be never public made." 

Thus Minos left the Black-bird closely pent, 
And, mounting steed, on new adventures went. 



LANCASHIRE HOB 



AND 



THE QUACK DOCTOR. 



A TALE. 1762. 




-^••'iCnuluW^- 1 "'^ 



" 



( 181 ) 



LANCASHIRE HOB 



AND 



THE QUACK DOCTOR. 



A TALE. 1762. 



A thrifty carl was tired of lonely cot. 

Because the tooth-ache he so often got. 

Six teeth were all he had to chew his food ; 

All gave him pain, but none could do him good. 

Hob hearing Rochdale town did then contain 

A famous quack, that drew teeth without pain : 

To him he flies, and in a voice as loud 

As Stentors, thus bespoke him thro' the crowd, 

" Ho — onist mon, whot munneh gi ye to drea 

A tush ot pleagues me awmust neet on dea ?" 

u Sixpence," the quack replies. — Hob spoke again, 

" On conneh dot me, thhikneh, beawt mitch pein?" 

" Ho, weel enough." — Quoth Hob, " Suppose I two, 

Yoan do for neenpunceV" " That I will not do." 



182 LANCASHIRE HOB AND 

" Heaw monny then for twelvepunce winnehpoo?" 
" All that thou hast."— Quoth Hob, " They re just 
enoo" 

The doctor took this for a country joke, 
'Till he saw Hob hard pressing thro 5 the folk, 
And mount the stage. — Quack now some mirth in- 
tends, 
And silly for a pair of pincers sends ; 
Thinking he'd met one of those puny fools 
Would run away from such inhuman tools. 
Hob takes the pincers : " Vara weel" said he, 
" If they n fit yo, Tm shure they win fit me" 

Hob now aloft is seated in a chair, 
With open mouth, in which the quack did stare ; 
Who laughing said, " You have but six, I find, 
And they're so loose, they'll wag with ev'ry wind." 
" Better for yo, yo known; do yo yer job" 
" Yes, yes, and quickly too, my honest Hob: 
Hold up your head — Oh! — here is one you see ; 
Come, hold again ; here's two— would you have 

three ?" 
" / think ot mon's afoo; we bargint plene, 
Poo theese aw eaivt, or set thoose in ogen" 
" If that be th' case, hold up again, my friend, 
Come, open wide, and soon the work we'll end." 



THE QUACK DOCTOR. ibo 

Hob now extends his spacious jaws so wide, 
There's room for pincers, and good light beside. 
Cries quack, " Here's three, — here's four:" — Hob 

bawls out, " Oh!" 
" Hold, hold," says quack, " there's something more 

to do: 
Come, gape again; — here's five, — here's six, — and 

th' last, 
And now I'm sure thy tooth-ache pains are past." 
" That's reel" quoth Hob, " gi me meh teeth, on 

then 
Til pey os freely os som roycher men" 
The quack complies, and Hob his twelve-pence paid; 
Then, in dismounting, to the mob thus said, 
" They're arronfoos ot sixpence pern for one, 
While for o shilling I ha six jobs done. 
Bat still they re bigger foos that live e pein, 
When good seawnd teeth may choance to come 

ogen" 
The doctor stares — and hastily replies, 
" They come again! not till the dead shall rise. 
One single tooth no more thy jaws shall boast, 
I hold a crown thou ev'ry tooth hast lost." 
" 'Tis done," quoth Hob: — and stakes a Charles's 

crown ; 
The quack as nimbly throws five shillings down. 



184 LANCASHIRE HOB, &C. 

Hob takes up all, and in a neighbour's hand 
Secures the total: then makes his demand. 
" Measter yo know eawr bet is, that I've lost 
My teeth; and that I have not none to boast" 
The quack replies, " ? Tis true; and what by that?" 
" Why ', see I've six neaw o eh meh owd scull-hat. 
Ne, sur, if yoan geaw wimmy whoam, I'll shew 
Yo e'ry tooth, ot e meh meawth did groo" 

The quack ill-vex'd he such a bite should meet, 
Turn'd on his heel, while Hob said, " Sur — good 
neet" 



London : Printed by C. Roworth, 
Bell-yard, Temple-bar. 



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